Friday, November 23, 2007

Our family "secret"

I have finally figured it out.

Jay is a very sensitive boy. He cries all the time. Instead of using his words when frustrated, he cries. Instead of negotiating with Lola, he cries. Instead of brushing off a minor scrapped knee, he cries. He has cried everyday of his life. WHen Jacy was born, I read "Secrets of a Baby Whisper" in which he was perfectly classified under the "Sensitive Child.' He needed to nap at a certain time, he needed a daily routine to feel comfortable, he just needed balance to get through the day.

It has always bothered me when a family member, particular my father, would comment on his sensitivity, "Give me a week and I will turn him into a man." My father proudly guaranteed over the summer. I even spoke with a renowned child psychologist, Dr. Ray and he said, "Your sensitive boy will be a terrific husband." People are great at commenting but no one has ever offered any advice.

But, I have finally figured it out on my own.

He is five and we have a "secret." He is allowed to cry when physically hurt and all other times he has to try using his words. If he makes it through the day as a big boy he will participate in the "secret." It is working. It is working very well. Our "secret" is that he is able to stay up and extra 1/2 hour in the evening. I put the girls to bed, walk down the hall, and I give him a hand signal through his door in which he tip toes downstairs with an enormous grin. During this "Secret" time he plays with the husband on the computer, helps me tidy up the house, or we watch a bit of the Animal Planet on TV. He loves this time away from his sisters and feels incredibly special to be awake with us. His crying has changed dramatically. I can see him physically holding back his tears and struggling to use his words. I am so proud of my big boy.

"Mama, I am so happy God made you my Mama. I love having a secret with you every day."

13classy comments:

Huckdoll said...

Sweet. I can't wait to have little secrets like that with C and L.

I remember being a little girl, I'd sneak downstairs after bedtime and there would be my mom and dad eating bbq steaks and baked potatoes. They'd let me sit down with them and give me bites till I was full and my mom would let me eat the ice cubes out of her drink (weird, I know, but I loved ice - still do.)

It was those memories of having my parents all to myself that I cherish.

Kellan said...

Now that was smart and sooo sweet. I think he will remember this special time and secret all of his life. See you soon. Kellan

LunaNik said...

your "secret" time seems very effective, you're such a good mom!! i wish my mom would have done that for me when i was young...i was the same way. as i get older i get better and better at controlling it but when i was a kid, wow...tears for EVERY strong emotion...frustrated and i cried, angry and i cried, really really happy and i cried. will you be my mommy too???

Sue said...

What a great idea. What a great mom!

Stella said...

What an EXCELLENT idea! I'm finding that the boy is starting to cry a lot...not using his words all the time, or he starts out crying and then uses his words. What a great idea! And what a sweet boy?!?!

Karen MEG said...

That's wonderful that you're so in tune with your little boy. What a wonderful way to share your time with him and let him know that he's just fine the way he is. It's great to see his confidence picking up as a result. Very special.

Shellie said...

That is a real smart idea, too bad I can't use it to get mine to be big boys and go to bed on time! But for using their words, it's priceless!

WordyGirl said...

That is a fantastic way to deal with it. Well done!!

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

You are a beautiful, inspiring mom.

HRH said...

OK girl you have now elevated yourself to FREAKING GENIUS. The book needs to be written ASAP.

imbeingheldhostage said...

This is fantastic! I have a sensitive too and truthfully, he's cried because he "never gets to sleep" with us. Brilliant, idea and we're going to adopt it-- if we can find a way of getting him out past the parent-time-monopolizer.

Elisa said...

That's so sweet. It melts my heart when children are thankful for their moms :-)

Michele said...

This sounds just like my older daughter pookie. She is almost 7 and trying to get words out of her when she is upset is like pulling teeth. I will have to try this. She would love it. Thanks!

 

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