Dear Ms. Poopie Head at Walmart,
There is an entrance and an exit to each Walmart store. Both are clearly marked above the door in two languages. Why must you enter through the exit door?
Did you see me pushing my sleeping infant in her stroller? Did you see my two kiddos holding on safely on each side of the stroller? Did you see the bags upon bags of useless items I just purchased, hanging upon every available limb I have?
Why must you speed up and try to race me through the exit door? I will not be so mean as to mention your white trashiness. I am a compassionate woman and try to exchange a smile with you on this hectic shopping day.
Your trashiness was never the issue. Your attitude is the issue. Why must you frown? Are you having a bad day? I try to smile again. Why must you attempt to squeeze through the exit door as you are entering? Are you competitive in nature? Why must you knock over all the bags on my left side causing my extremely accident prone and clumsy Lola to take a spill on the horribly dirty, snow melted, salty encrusted Walmart floor? Why? Why must you snicker out loud to showcase your happiness? Your rude snicker shocked my children and woke up my very rarely napping child.
Would Princess Aurora ever enter through the exit door? Would Aurora ever snicker out loud after causing harm? Don’t you think she would have had the courtesy to help the child off of the floor? Wishing you a very Merry Christmas.
Never shopping at Walmart
Dear Pompous sales guy at Coach,
I could have shopped online in my Pjs, sipping wine, making choices. But I wanted some real live help. I wanted to feel the purses. I wanted to talk to another human.
Instead, I got dolled up. I wore my cute Burch flats, and even cuter Hudsons that hug my poopcha, I flat ironed my fabulous hair, threw on my very smart Burberry coat, and even attempted to apply makeup to the best of my knowledge. I was going shopping. I was excited for some human contact and even some human conversation.
My girl heart told me to approach you, the only male, also dressed very smart. However, from the moment you opened your mouth I knew you were useless. Why must you act so pompous? Why must you be so incredibly arrogant? Do you work on commission? I am dressed to buy something, see how cute I look? I want something. I have cash in my pocket. See it?
Don’t tell me you “have nothing in THAT price range.” I was online. I know what you have. Don’t tell me that “all the teenage girls wear THIS $500 purse” because… um… they don’t. Don’t snicker and look away when I tell you my price range again. Even in our country $200.00 is a boat load of money and you MUST have a flipping purse for that amount. Yes, see that purse? That beautifully classic and smart baguette. I want that. Don’t tell me that “I believe THAT purse is not in your price range.” Because it is you, pompous head man that works at Coach. Give it to me and wrap it up.
Do you think that Belle, with her Southerly charm, would have made me feel so small? Don't you think Belle would have befriended me and helped me?
Go ahead and apologize. No? Go ahead. No? Give me that flipping beautiful baguette for my cousin. GIVE IT TO ME! You are so not getting any commission off of this sale. Have a very Merry Christmas too.
Only shopping on www.coach.com
You look like a poopie head.
That cold sore on your lip is multiplying and forming into a shape of a poopie. Why must your stress? You know from experience that stress brings on those horrible, not very classy, cold sores that hurt. Now you can’t kiss anyone for at least a week or wear any type of lip gloss. Christmas is in six days. You can't even go ten minutes without kissing one of the three kids. What are you going to do?
Why must you shop in stores and create unwanted stress? Do you think Snow White has cold sores? Probably not, she has porcelain skin. She has seven men that she lives with that take care of her and her skin.
OHmommy that should shop online
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Dear Ms. Poopie Head at Walmart,
Posted by OHmommy at 8:40 AM