Monday, December 03, 2007

Would Aurora do that?

It was bedtime and the kids were racing to the bathroom, shedding their clothes along the way.

“My turn! I am going first!” Jay yells out knowing that competition infuriates Lola.

“No. No. I want to go first. I want to go shoe-shoe before you do.” Lola attempts to keep up with Jay as they are racing to the potty. Shoe-shoe is potty in Polish, that I understand. What I don’t understand is why they need to argue over one toilet in a house with four.

“Ha, ha, ha-ha, ha. I am going shoe-shoe first!” Jay sits on the toilet with a sly grin.

“MAMA!!!! MOM, mama, mommy!!!” Lola, already half undressed, cries out for some attention on the bathroom floor.

I ignore her cries, determined not to pay attention to her negative behavior. “MAMAMAMAMAMA.” I leave the bathroom and sweep Fifi off the floor to get her ready for bath. I re-enter the bathroom to find Jay still on the toilet and Lola popping a squat over the tiled floor. Yes. She. Was. Shoe-shoeing.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. What are you doing?” I cry out in despair. “This is utterly disgusting! What are you doing?” She says nothing. Where did this child come from? My child. MY child. Seriously, why do these things happen to me? Where in the world did she get the idea that this was okay? MY CHILD! She was not there with me, behind the stage, at the Violet Femmes concert 1995. She did not see me behind the dumpster at Murphy’s Irish Pub on St. Patrick’s day. And she was definately not at the outdoor Paul Simon concert in 1999, while my Uncle Bill was covering his eyes. Hi, Uncle Bill. That was a good concert, wasn’t it?

“Would princess Aurora do that?” I ask, remembering an old blog I just read. Anytime her daughter displayed unacceptable behaviors she would question what would the princesses do. Brilliant!

“No.” Lola frowns.

“Do you think Snow White would shoe-shoe on the bathroom floor?” I ask again.

“No, she wouldn’t.” Lola answers with another frown. Boy, I am so good at this. I can see her understanding that what she did was simply unacceptable. So, I continue.

“How about Ariel, do you think she would?” I am beaming with pride as I ask her.

She thinks about it. I see a sly smile forming. “That’s funny, Mama. Ariel doesn’t have a shoe-shoenka. She has a fin. She only has a fin with no shoe-shoenka.”

What might work on other children of bloggers - really never does work for me.

13classy comments:

LunaNik said...

wow...on the floor, huh. i've never been so happy to have two kids still in diapers ;)

Melissa said...

LOL! You had her until you got to Ariel. I'm the same way, I'm good until I just push it a little to far then wham...I swear Hope is much smarter than her mama!!

Stella said...

I think all of our kids are much smarter than us! It's all the DHA and ARA. I think we need to start a petition to stop that stuff!!

There are days that I worry that my son is going to say something to me that I don't understand simply because he uses words I don't know!

lattemommy said...

Just goes to show, there really can be "too much of a good thing". Except when it's coffee.... or chocolate....

Kathryn said...

My son did that the other night. Actually, he was on the toliet going poo and decided to aim his penis out of the toilet and pee all over the floor. ????
Strange children.

Cindy Breninger said...

Just wanted to let you know I added you to my list of favorites on my page! :)

Kellan said...

So funny - and it was going well up until Ariel. Take care. Kellan

MrJourneyman said...

If "past behavior" of the parent is indicative of "present and/or future" behavior of children, then I have a feeling I am in for the ride of my life. I'd like to make another suggestion to the powers that be...parent handbooks would be nice, but so would warning labels!

Your post was too funny! I will be adding you to my favorites (not to copy Cindy, BUT...) as soon as I figure out how! :)

Crystal said...

Oh NO she didn't! Bahaha. Sorry, for laughing, we have just had too many poo events around here for me to sympathize without a giggle.
Then, how dare that little punkette turn it around on you. She can expect a payback when she is 13 and you talk about this in front of a boy.

Huckdoll said...

Haha, trying the Disney Princess huh? She's a smart one - your little girl.

Don't worry too much. I remember as a child being extremely competitive with my brother. We'd have "pushing contests" while brushing our teeth, at the bathroom counter. We'd hip-butt eachother as hard as possible to see who would fly off the counter first.

I was so fun at the time....

OHmommy said...

Lunanik... keep them in diapers!

Melissa... I always push and loose.

Stella... I am beginning to reaize that too. They are so smart!

Latte... umm chocolate!

Kathryn... strange indeed - but we love them. Yes?

Mr. Journey... buckle up!

Crystal... ahhh... punkette! Perfect name for my daughter. I am so stealing that one.

Huckdoll.... it was you wasn't it? The one that shared the "what would a princess do?"

Kelly said...

If your daughter married my son, who is currently obsessed with taking off his diaper and letting the urine fly while giggling up a storm and trying to put his little toddler hands inside the stream, they would....Actually, let's make sure these two never get together. What state are you in, again?

Amy said...

I think the princess idea is a good one. I also think that Ariel is NEVER a good example. She is the rebellious, strong willed princess, who in the end gets her way.

I'd boycott her, but she is a favorite among my daughters.

Kelly at Original Art sent me.


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