Sunday, February 24, 2008

February 24th, 2008

Dear Fifi,

I woke up today, on your first birthday, to the sun shinning through our blinds. Your head was resting on Daddy's chest. Your chubby toes were resting on top of my chest. The three of us, like every morning, created a "H" in bed. You are our family's final piece of the puzzle. You complete us.

Happy first birthday sweet Fifi.

For years I silently wondered what my third child would look like. I wasn't at peace with myself and knew that I did not want to live with regrets. When Daddy bought me the gorgeous dinning room set in lue of a third child, I still felt empty. That emptiness hurt bad enough that I finally convinced Daddy to have you. You fill our hearts completely and we can't imagine life without.

It has been a tremendous year for all of us. I had one of the saddest, most heart wrenching, soul searching, worst weeks of my life that I shared with you. That week, when you were a month old, when we were at the Children's Hospital was beyond words terrible. When I think about the intrusive tests that you were put through to determine that you were not epilectic, I cry. I cry as I type this because the image of you being returned to me, after the tests, with your eyes swollen shut from crying, is still so fresh in my heart. I held you. I pushed aside all the wires you were connected to aside, and slept with you every night against the doctors orders. I did not leave your side to eat. Or shower. I kept you in my arms and cried. When it was confirmed that you had benign neonatal sleep myoclonus and were perfect, I finally exhaled. However, the image of your swollen eyes shut, I will take to my grave.

From the moment we were released to today, I have held you, slept with you, kissed you, obssessed about you all day long. You love to hold my hands and walk around, like a blind person, you tap your right foot against an object on the floor to determine what it is. When I strap you into your carseat, your head starts spinning around in each direction looking for Lola and Jay. When I lift your arms and dive into you armpits to kiss them, you giggle and allow me to linger. When you see a balloon, your most favorite thing in the world, your finger points and you say "This?" this was your first word. When you are fed and no longer hungry you start spitting in all directions and this is followed by more giggles. Your giggles are contagious and everyone around you smiles with you. You are confident too and know what you like or don't like. When you met Santa you locked your knees and refused to take a step towards him. You love animals, you love music, you love to clap and you love to smile.

Happy first birthday, daughter. Your spirit has filled our home and our hearts.

Love,
Mama




73classy comments:

Lacey said...

Aww...what sweet pictures. Happy Birthday baby Fifi!

Karen said...

Happy Birthday, Little One!

Kelly said...

That was so beautiful. What a doll she is---it looks like she enjoyed that birthday cake!!

Wendi said...

Happy Birthday sweet little Fifi!!!
I. love . the. photos.
They are great!

Smart A$$ Mom said...

what perfection of a happy 1 year old!! Happy 1st, little one! And to you too Oh Mommy!

The MomBabe said...

What a sweetheart! Happy Birthday baby Fifi!

Kathryn said...

Oh, it just goes too fast. Too fast!
What a beautiful little birthday girl. Happy birthday, Fifi!

Don Mills Diva said...

Awww- happy birthday sweet girl!

zoeyjane said...

happy birthday to fifi!!!

and it will only get better - don't be too sad about her growing up.

Melissa said...

Happy Birthday, Fifi! And here's to many more!!

Lisa said...

It looks like Fifi enjoyed her day to the fullest! There is something so special and magical about that first birthday..to look back and think of all that's happened over a year.
Happy Birthday sweet little Fifi!!!

Amy said...

Beautiful letter and beautiful girl!! These pictures are wonderful! Happy Birthday to your sweet, precious girl!

lattemommy said...

What a lovely post. And fabulous pictures! Clearly she totally enjoyed her birthday.

Happy Birthday, sweet girl!

Huckdoll said...

Happy Birthday to the lil' one.

Jeni said...

I don't have any pictures -or even memories for that matter -about my older daughter's first birthday event or her brother's either for that matter. But gee, give me a break - they took place a long time ago - older daughter will be 41 come April and my son will be 35 in August. But, my younger daughter -when she had her first birthday, we had spaghetti (one of her favorite foods then as it is still today) and have pictures of her trying to feed herself messy, messy spaghetti, with it smeared all over her face, in her hair -you name it! Now my three grandkids -each had their own special little cake all their very own, to dig into with their fingers, smear it all around and just generally enjoy the living daylights out of it -and I have pictures of all three of them with their special cakes too!
From an adult's perspective, those days will fly by so quickly -way too quickly - and before you know it, you'll be looking at Fifi's first birthday pictures alongside the same type of photo but of a grandchild, comparing where the new little one looks like this or that family member and such. Cherish these moments and take as many pictures as you can to keep that time alive in your mind and heart.
Fifi is just a beauty - no two ways about that - and boy, does she have a zest for that cake too, huh? Glad it looks like she definitely had a really happy B-day -and you did too!

Irene said...

Happy Birthday!! What a cutie! And those arms! Gotta love that baby fat, SO cute!

Have a great week!

Flea said...

Oh so very sweet! She's a doll baby. Are you sure you're doing having children? :D

Stella said...

Happy First Birthday Fifi! Hope it was a wonderful one!

Stacey @RealWorldMom said...

Happy First Birthday, Fifi! Hugs!

What a beautiful letter! Thanks for making me cry!

Maria said...

She is so sweet, and mmm, that cake looks good!

Tari said...

That was beautiful! How sweet to write to your Fifi on her b-day. I might have to copy! Happy b-day fifi

Happy Days said...

Happy Birthday precious girl! That was a beautiful letter for a beautiful girl! Have a great day!

Kellan said...

What a beautiful tribute to your sweet Fifi! Happy Birthday to you sweet daughter - she is so loved and so special!!

Kellan

PS - I e-mailed you about BlogHer - let me know if you got it.

Holly said...

Beautiful letter! Gorgeous pictures. Happy Birthday Fifi!!

Kelly said...

First, let me say happy birthday to Fifi. Second, I'm so sorry for what you all went thru when she was first born. I am so glad she is okay. And lastly, this post was truly beautiful.

renatamic said...

happy birthday sweet fifi!!! what a great post and what great pics...she is always so full of joy, you can tell that she is loved by many!! can't wait to hold her, love her and squeeze her next weekend!!

Smitty76 said...

what a sweet and loving post! and pictures!!

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

What a wonderful post...it kind of...just a little...made me...maybe...want to have a kid...someday...far far away.

It totally melted my heart.

ps I love birthday cake, i don't care if it is in between little fingers, I love it so much, I'd eat it anyway.

Nan Patience said...

Happy first birthday! One is a big number.

I can relate a little, my daughter had sleep apnea. I spent a night with her getting her tested with wires and pokes, then I was with her when they put her under to take out her tonsils and adenoids and she reached out for me to save her and I had to help hold her down for the anesthesia mask, and then recovering she wouldn't drink and she was getting a fever, and I was so tired and worried. I remember a nice lady who was helping out on the children's ward brought my daughter and I into the lounge after a sleepless and painful night to play a board game, ya know, to ease things. She was so nice, and all the night nurses had been so absent and indifferent, that when she said one nice thing to me I burst out crying.

Taking those tonsils and adenoids out fixed the sleep apnea, though, and now with the benefit of years of good sleep, she's as healthy as a colt.

Around The Funny Farm said...

Ahhh.... she is absolutely beautiful. I'm sure you get told that all of the time.

Happy Birthday Sweetie!

Beth

Janice said...

That was so sweet- Happy Birthday Fifi

Joeprah said...

That is the first time I have ever heard anyone else have anything called myoclonus. I have myoclonus. But I am no longer an infant, so I would assume hers will or has gone away.

I love those pictures! Such joy!! Awesome. I always wanted to check your blog out. Glad I did. Peace!

Lisa said...

Sweet pictures--not sure which is sweeter though--Fifi or the cake!
I could not imagine what you went through--hugs!

david mcmahon said...

God bless her - and all of you.

Tara R. said...

I love first birthday cake dives. What a fabulous picture. She looks absolutely perfect all in pink and yellow icing. Delicious!

carrie said...

Happy Birthday to your beautiful sweet baby girl.

Rachel said...

That was so beautiful. I am so thankful that she's okay. This was such a touching post and the pictures, oh my gosh. That Fifi is one darling little person! She looks thoroughly overjoyed!
Happy Birthday Fifi!

Kimmylyn said...

What a great post!!
Happy Birthday to your baby girl.. what great photos!!

John-Michael said...

Nothing, topside this earthen globe, could be more enchanting than that Treasure pictured in those photos.
You are ALL so wonderfully blessed!

I thank you for your generosity in sharing your world of wonder with us.

(Your "slept with you every night against the doctors orders" brought back an instant recall of nights spent "sleeping" on the floor under my son (Matt)'s bed in the ICU. "No visitors allowed" was not enforceable on Dad. When Matt would stir, during the night, crying "Dad", he had Dad's hand reach up from under the bed and hold his arm whilst I spoke reassurances til he slept again. I understand well your spoken pains.)

Kristen said...

That was such a sweet letter to her. She is so lucky to have such a Mama!

Happy Birthday Fifi!

Lizzy in the Burbs said...

What a beautiful letter, so heartfelt! Something she'll treasure when she's grown up. Happy 1st Birthday!

Lizzy

Steph said...

Happy Birthday Fifi! You have a very cool mommy who loves you very much!

Anne said...

So, nice. What a cutie!

greyst said...

That was so sweet. Happy Birthday to your little angel!

Manic Mom said...

Happy Birthday!

GoMommy said...

Happy Birthday Fifi!
Bad OhMommy- you made me cry!

Steph said...

the #2 comment on my blog didn't count if you want in let me know.

LunaNik said...

Happy Birthday Fifi!!

I have to say I'm feeling a bit envious of your THREE children. Ever since you wrote about how you just KNEW that Lola was meant to be a middle child it has made me feel the same way about my Stella. She is spirited and vibrant and bold and just BEGS to be a middle child.

I WANT ANOTHER BABY!!

Amy said...

Happy Birthday Fifi. Your cake looks scrumptious!

I am intrigued by LunaNik's comment. I was a middle child and could easy be described at spirited, vibrant and bold. My youngest is just like me, and because I hated being a middle child, I dread doing it to her. But maybe these traits are ideal for a middle child. Maybe any other personality in the middle would become invisible. I would love to hear more about your experience with this.

Stephanie said...

Chocolate cake, yes? Actually, it was a fluke, it was all they had when I went to pick up the "free" one. I was pretty ticked about that and was afraid that he would have an allergic reaction or something, but thankfully was fine. Anyway...happy birthday to Fifi! I looooove the pictures. Isn't it cute to see them digging into their cake? She's such a little chunk...I love it. Chicken is losing a lot of his baby fat and Punky lost it pretty early, too but they looked a lot like her for a long time. Chicken was in the 90% percentile from 2 months on and just at his last checkup, he was in the 75%, so we're getting there. Fifi is just too cute...give her a big, chocolate kiss from my Chicken!!! ;oD HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Did you cry a lot?

secret agent mama said...

I love her because you love her so. That just magnetizes me into a tizzy, Oh! Seriously.

Srekna Roden Den Princesa! Da rastish golema i stalno da bidish ubava! (Happy Birthday Princess! May you grow big and always beautiful!)

OhMommy: Te sakam!

Amy said...

so sweet and beautiful pics! Happy Birthday to your baby girl!

suchsimplepleasures said...

oh happy birthday fifi!!
she is precious!!
hey...could you save me some of that yummy looking frosting...i'll be right over, ok?
what a beautiful post, honey!! really wonderful.
i feel the same way about my 3rd...my little miracle boy!!
xoxo

janethesane said...

What great photos! I am so looking forward to my daughter's first birthday this summer. Time is flying. Congrats on your beautiful family.

suchsimplepleasures said...

i have no clue what it means. seriously though...how can that be a word in a spelling bee if you can barely find the definition anywhere!?

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FIFI!!!!!!!!!!

Ashlee said...

She is adorable! And she obviously loves cake. Smart girl.

LaskiGal said...

OK, momma--how many people did you make cry with this one? Including me . . . ?

LaskiGal said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY FIFI . . .

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Awwwww...Happy Birthday Fifi!!

girlymom said...

Happy Birthday Little Fifi!

What a beautiful moment, cake face and all! :)

Mary said...

Oh my goodness.....how stinken cute is she?!?!?! ADORABLE pictures!

And what a sweet sweet letter :)

suchsimplepleasures said...

question...why did you give up the social networks? i'm just curious!!
how are you today?
xoxo

Stephanie said...

So sweet!! My daughter is about a week behind yours - her birthday will be this coming Saturday. I feel the same way. She's such a cutie! :)

suchsimplepleasures said...

i know what you mean...completely!! it's way too addictive, this whole blogging thing...to the point of neglecting household responsibilities!! i haven't been doing much with cre8buzz, either...and my ranking is falling but...i've decided, like you...i don't care anymore!! i have my established blogging friends...and, if i make more along the way...then yay but...i'm concentrating on other things...like my blog, working on something that my friend and i might go into business with...not to mention, taking care of my children. i only have one who is under 5 but...my big ones still need attention, too!!
so, i completely get that!
xoxo

Marie around the World said...

OHMommy, your letter to Fifi was so full of tears, doubts, and love love love love love that you should print it right away and put it aside for her, to read and to keep it forever.
Happy Birthday Fifi !

Natalie said...

Happy first birthday sweet girl! Your momma sure loves you! That was a beautiful letter to your baby.

Cecily R said...

What a great, sweet post! She's gorgeous!

Happy Birthday FIFI!

P.S. Isaac turned 10 on the 25th. It happens fast. :)

Jen said...

Happy (belated) birthday Fifi! She's an angel!

just jamie said...

Gorgeous family. Happy birthday little one.

Anonymous said...

It's my first time here, and this made me cry! She is so perfect! I, too, have pushed all the wires and tubes aside to hold my little one after she had surgery. She was on Morphine and still screaming in pain. But I rocked her and kissed her, and have never let go! Happy Birthday, little angel!!

Victoria said...

Look at her joy!! Happy birthday, little one!

Marinka said...

I am a year late and I had absolutely no idea what your family has endured. Happy birthday to all of you!

 

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