I woke up today, on your first birthday, to the sun shinning through our blinds. Your head was resting on Daddy's chest. Your chubby toes were resting on top of my chest. The three of us, like every morning, created a "H" in bed. You are our family's final piece of the puzzle. You complete us.
Happy first birthday sweet Fifi.
For years I silently wondered what my third child would look like. I wasn't at peace with myself and knew that I did not want to live with regrets. When Daddy bought me the gorgeous dinning room set in lue of a third child, I still felt empty. That emptiness hurt bad enough that I finally convinced Daddy to have you. You fill our hearts completely and we can't imagine life without.
It has been a tremendous year for all of us. I had one of the saddest, most heart wrenching, soul searching, worst weeks of my life that I shared with you. That week, when you were a month old, when we were at the Children's Hospital was beyond words terrible. When I think about the intrusive tests that you were put through to determine that you were not epilectic, I cry. I cry as I type this because the image of you being returned to me, after the tests, with your eyes swollen shut from crying, is still so fresh in my heart. I held you. I pushed aside all the wires you were connected to aside, and slept with you every night against the doctors orders. I did not leave your side to eat. Or shower. I kept you in my arms and cried. When it was confirmed that you had benign neonatal sleep myoclonus and were perfect, I finally exhaled. However, the image of your swollen eyes shut, I will take to my grave.
From the moment we were released to today, I have held you, slept with you, kissed you, obssessed about you all day long. You love to hold my hands and walk around, like a blind person, you tap your right foot against an object on the floor to determine what it is. When I strap you into your carseat, your head starts spinning around in each direction looking for Lola and Jay. When I lift your arms and dive into you armpits to kiss them, you giggle and allow me to linger. When you see a balloon, your most favorite thing in the world, your finger points and you say "This?" this was your first word. When you are fed and no longer hungry you start spitting in all directions and this is followed by more giggles. Your giggles are contagious and everyone around you smiles with you. You are confident too and know what you like or don't like. When you met Santa you locked your knees and refused to take a step towards him. You love animals, you love music, you love to clap and you love to smile.
Happy first birthday, daughter. Your spirit has filled our home and our hearts.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Posted by OHmommy at 9:04 PM