Monday, February 11, 2008

One FLU over the Cuckoo's Nest

The last date I had with my husband was November 3, 2007. This past Saturday night we had another date. I got my hair done, bought a new sassy top, took notes via gmail on make-up application from a friend, and threw on my favorite stilettos.

We drove seperately to the venue. Fifi vommitted on Friday for the first time in her life and I was worried about her loose kupas. She had a tummy virus. My husband put her to bed and coached his parents on how to keep the kids and two dogs happy while I waited for him at the party.

Finally together surrounded by posh adults we began to relax. A little bit of talk, a lot of laughter, a sampling of finger foods, a tiny bit of gossiping and we were in our element.

The husband's phone rang.

"Lola threw up all over grandpa. We cleaned her up and started the laundry." My mother inlaws voice quickly snaps me out of my element.

"Where are your extra linens?" She asks. Knowing that my linen closet has been on my to-do list for months and the chaos within, I instruct her to place Lola in our bed.

"Mama? Mama, Lola just threw up all over. And grandma doesn't know the good-night song." Jay whispers over the phone. I instruct him to join Lola in my bed where he can sleep on my pillow and I would join him soon.

I hang up the phone and turn to my husband. "You think we should go home?"

"Nwah. They are not going to die. They are with my parents." He said, spoken like a true man. His parents had one child. ONE. For a reason.

We resume our socializing. Laughing. Eating. Feeling like part of the adult world. Talking about pointless adult subjects and enjoying every minute. Minutes go by and my husband whispers into my ear...

"I think I ate too fast. My stomach doesn't feel right."

"Dude, you better be joking. Go to the bathroom and connect with your stomach. Talk to it. Cause I really need to be here. I need it." I whisper back to him with no compassion in my voice.

The only child, my husband, turns his back and makes his way to the bathroom. I re-fill my syrah and resume my conversations. This is my time. Moments later the husband approaches me again, he made no connections with his stomach and we had to leave. We were the first adults to leave the party.

We came home to my in-laws watching HGTV and the house quiet. We graciously thanked them, they left, the husband ran to the bathroom. The demonic sounds that trembled our walls were all too much for me. I peeked in to see the sink filled to the brim with stomach lining. I left him.

I opened up our bedroom door to check on the sleeping kiddos. The stench that met me slapped me across the face and back into my mommy element. Again. I looked at Lola in the dark. It was not possible. I had to turn on the light to check if she was dead. I ran to the light switch thinking about the my child dying under my MIL's care.

Lola was asleep on my pillow with a beard full of dried vomit. Beef stew vomit. A beard of it, encrusted on her. On my 100% Egyptian Cotton, 400-thread count white-on-white striped pillow. She was asleep in a pool of beef stew vomit. Every time she inhaled, the pool would bubble. Her blond hair was soaking up the protein. I pictured my MIL watching HGTV.

I stripped her. I woke up sleeping Jay. I stripped the bed. I started the bath. I covered my ears to nullify the demonic sounds echoing throughout the house produced by my husband downstairs. I opened up my chaotic linen closet and 7 years of sheets fell upon my feet. The dogs, asleep in their crates, were now yelping to get out and join us.

An hour later everyone was asleep in my house. I laid awake admist the new sheets.

"Maaaammmmaaaaa...." Jay was groaning for me. I too began calling MY MOMS name outloud. I made my way to his room to find him hunched over vomitting. I gently rubbed his back encouraging him to get it all out and re-introduced him to new pajamas and new sheets. I grabed a towel from the kid's bathroom, scoopped up his vomit with my own bare hands, on my hands and knees, and my stomach began to speak.

And it spoke loudly while everyone slept. The walls shook and I craddled the toilet.

I need to nurse my cuckoo's nest back into health and re-organize my linen closet. I am the mother cuckoo and this is what we do. Forgive my absence tomorrow as I clean the nest.

66classy comments:

Kathryn said...

Oh no, oh no, oh no!!!! That is horrible! But who will clean up YOUR puke and clean YOUR sheets? :(

I'm so sorry everyone is sick. Hope you feel better very soon!

Karen MEG said...

Oh, poor you, and poor everyone in your household!!!! Not that there's ever a great time to be sick, but that stinks that it was on a date night. Stomach visues are the worst!
Hope your household heals quickly... take care of yourself and leave that linen closet for another day. Honestly, it can wait another 7 years.

Irene said...

OMG! You have to be kidding. That is so horrible, it has to be a joke.

I am so sorry! I hope you are all back to normal very soon.

Wow.

Wendi said...

I am sorry to laugh (but I am!) This sounds all too familiar.

Only YOU could make "VOMIT" so funny!

Thanks for making my tummy ache from laughter.

Get well soon Oh Mommy Family!!!

Victoria said...

Noooooo! Not on the pretty sheets!!! Nooooooo!

I'm so sorry everyone is ill. Hoping everyone is right-side soon. And no more beef stew puke.

Gah.

Kristen said...

Oh no! That is terrible!

I think you now need a weekend away with the hubby, forget one 1/2evening. :-)

Hope everyone is feeling better very soon!

:-)

chickadee said...

School's cancelled tomorrow due to cold. Call me if you need ANYTHING.

Kimmylyn said...

Oh boy.. I am sooo sorry that everyone is sick.. I wish I could help you out I just feel terrible.. that is soo draining.

Crystal said...

Oh, oh, oh, poor OHmommy and her whole family. Rest your head and I hope all the puking stops soon. Bad news is you all got it at the same time, good news is you won't be dealing with it for two weeks as you all catch it in a line.
Get some Popsicles and Ginger Ale and feel better soon.

Smitty76 said...

Oh gosh you poor thing! And your poor family! The flu is the WORST and to think you have to take care of everyone else while you are feeling so icky too? I feel for you. :-( Hope everyone gets better quick!

LunaNik said...

Bleh...that post was full of soooo many bodily functions ;)

I'm so sorry you're sick, sweet pea! I hope you and your darling family get better very soon.

Busy Dad Mumbles said...

Bless everyone in that house. I'm a sympathy yacker so I can feel your pain.

Feel better.

Congrats on your Egle Award from Bradley.

Busy Dad Mumbles

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry to hear your night out didn't turn out as you had hoped and the fact that all of you are ill is just way to much to bare.

Hang in there, mama!! I hope you all feel better soon!

Amy said...

Oh that just sucks! And isn't it always the case, you get out, and the kiddos get sick.
I have one, thankfully just one (for now) with a high fever who's been throwing up for the past 24 hours. I've sequestered her in hopes I do not have to go what you are going through!
Hang in there girl, I'll be thinking about you!

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Oh no!!! Im so sorry! We just went through this tummy bug and it's horrible!!! Praying you all feel better quickly!

Amy said...

That's terrible!

I hope you all feel better soon.

Kash said...

OMG, I hope it all passes as quickly as it came!

Ya... About That said...

Oh this story is so familiar. I was projectile vomited on last night with 2 kids and fevers. I'm sorry sweet pumpernickle. Get some acidophilous. And rest. xo xo xo.

paul said...

My word, talk about a night gone bad. :(

MommyTime said...

Oh, I am so sorry for you. We went through this in October. At least these things tend to progress really quickly. My only advice is to spread clean towels over everyone's pillows. It makes for less laundry as you don't have to redo sheets, only trade for a fresh towel when disaster strikes.

Get well soon. I'll be thinking of you!

Ashlee said...

I'm soooo sorry! Very very sorry. I hope you all get better soon.
Until then...have fun with your linen closet.

zoeyjane said...

OMG, I'm can't imagine having five people all retching under the same roof. My daughter and I always get sick at the same time, but there's only two of us and thank god, I don't have anything that I would be concerned about vomit getting on (aka nothing nice).

I hope you all feel better soon!

Huckdoll said...

Whoa. I hope you all feel better soon! ((HUGS))

Natalie said...

Oh my gosh! That sounds like food poisoning the way it hit.

I hope you guys are feeling 100 percent better tomorrow!

Lizzy in the Burbs said...

So sorry to hear that you're all suffering with the flu, that's awful. I'm a believer that everything happens for a reason. Not that I would wish your husband to be ill, but it's a good thing that you came home when you did. That's kind of scary that your daughter was lying down and vomiting, she could have choked. I'm sure your in-laws did the best they could, and they must have thought she was sleeping, but still. Why don't you just rest tomorrow and give yourself a little TLC? If the closet has waited 7 yrs. it can certainly wait one more day, right? :) Take care and feel better!

Lizzy

lattemommy said...

Oh no! That is so very, very awful! I'm sorry that everyone is sick, I'm doubly sorry that *everyone* is sick so that there's no one to take care of you, and I'm triply sorry that date night got ruined. You deserve better!

Screw the linen closet - take the time to pamper OHMommy - you deserve it!

Cecily R said...

Oh I am sorry!! Here's hoping it leaves your house as quickly as it came.

Feel better soon!!

Stella said...

Oh god I TOTALLY feel your pain!! My stomach erupted during my son's 3rd birthday party and has not stopped!
I'm currently at work, persuading my students not to tell anyone that I'm sleeping on my desk during class!

I feel you! Feel better....

Flea said...

Oh you poor thing!!! Life as a mom. Mine learned young to get to the toilet, but the worst was from the top bunk. And your poor sheets.

Get better!!!

Stephanie said...

Hope you're feeling better VERY soon! It's going around here, too, so I've been a paranoid wreck. I almost kept the kids at home from church just in case someone was contagious that wanted to shake hands. You're in my prayers for a speedy recovery!

krissy said...

Awww...I hope you all feel better soon!

Don't worry about the linen closet! Everyone has a closet or junk drawer that could very well hold the port hole to hell and we would never no it!

Lots of fluids!! Get well soon!

Lisa said...

Dear Lord that sounds horrible. There is NOTHING worse than the stomach flu. Nothing. And to have all five of you puking - that just plain ole' sucks! I hope you are all feeling better very soon, and I hope you get to have another date night!!!

GoMommy said...

Ack- that is the most horrible thing I have read in along time! The fact that you can convey it with humor astounds me! I hope you guys bounce back quick!

Maria said...

What a nightmare! Well on the brightside, you can all rest together. Hopefully it will all be over soon! How can you blog while you're sick?

girlymom said...

OMG~ I hope you all feel better fast! I had a bit of heaving to clean up this weekend too, the stench is way too much and lingers way too long! I hope you get a chance to rest. See ya when your back.

suchsimplepleasures said...

oh honey!! feel better! there is NOTHING worse than everyone being sick...including the mommy!!! i hope someone is coming over to help you!!!
mwah...hugs...
xoxo

Rob said...

Stomach issues are the worst.

This is one of those things where I stand so in awe of women. Men take such pride in being all rough and tough. Then we dry heave at poopie diapers and there is no way the roughest toughest SOB of a man I know could scoop puke up with his bare hands and not loose it.

Women are incredible.

Nanci with an EYE said...

I'm sorry that everyone is sick- but you're story is so true to most every one who is a Mom. And what happens when WE are sick too? No temporary agency sends a replacement- it's business as usual. And husbands are the biggest kids, aren't they? I everyone feels better soon.. And save the linen closet for the kids to help you! have a great day!

Tari said...

Get feeling better!

renatamic said...

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! date night ruined!!! and everyone sick?? should i fly out there to take care of you and your family? call peapod (do they have that in OH) and order a mass amount of saltines!!! feel better - XOXO!!

Ali said...

ew.
the stomach flu stinks. literally and figuratively.

hope you guys are ALL feeling better!

Around The Funny Farm said...

***hugs to YOU***

And let me say... after experiencing one week with me alone with THREE children last year DEATHLY ILL from the flu.. For hubby was traveling with work- I have some advice for everyone...

"Flu Shot!" This has been the **knock on wood** best year ever as far as health in this household!

Poor babies.. I hope you don't get sick too! **more hugs!**

MrJourneyman said...

Dr. His2Dads has written you the following orders:

-Bedrest, and lots of it!
-Hot Tea and lots of clear fluids
-Some Vicks Vapo-Rub (just cuz it smells good!)...

I hope you all feel better soon!

(and I'm not a doctor, but I played one on this blog *wink*)...

Take Care!

His2Dads

Mr Lady said...

Dude, I have a similar date night story, but more pressing is this:

My dad worked the swing shift at a steel factory when we were all little. He came home one night to a silent house, and thinking everything was good, he scrubbed the black off his hands and headed for bed.

As he walked through the dining room to the stairs, he smelled something. He couldn't quite place it. He gets upstairs, crawls into bed, and his girlfriend rolls over.

"What's that smell down there?"

And she starts to cry.

"Oh, Ian threw up in the highchair and I went to clean it up and it was so gross that I threw up on top of it, and I didn't know what to do so I put a towel over the tray on the highchair and we all went to sleep."

Yep, baby puke on top of mommy puke, sitting there for HOURS waiting for my dad to get it.

I totally sympathize with you. I promise, it makes for AWESOME stories later. And I bet you were SMOKING hot~!

Smoochiefrog said...

Bless your heart! I hope you all start feeling better really soon!

Steph said...

Oh oh oh you poor thing! If I were close by I would come grab you for a star bucks so you could remove yourself from the bowels of illness! Hope everyone gets well soon, try your best not to it too!

The MomBabe said...

oh, ~hugs~ to you!

hope everyone gets better fast.

♥♥♥ A- Licious ♥♥♥ said...

oooh no!

that tummy virus has been going around...UGH

so far we have had bronchitis and pnuemonia - but missed the tummy one ( i pray we keep missing it)

ugh.

poor you guys! :o(

but thank you for coming to my blog today (i hadn't even told you yet that i had tagged you....lol)


geeeez....louise......i hope you ALL feel better SOON!

;o) xoxoxoxoxoxox ((((HUGZ))))

david mcmahon said...

Oh, no, hope everyone recovers soon and that you get another night out - or three.

Been there, done that.

The linen? Y'know what they say. Sheet happens!

Amy said...

oh that stinks!!!

i do hope you are all feeling better real soon.

btw, i love your new do!

MamaWise said...

Oh my goodness! I called you on Saturday night, and little did I know you in the middle of hell. Let me know if you need anything. If you want me to take the kiddos so you can get a break, I would be happy to have them. Hope everyone starts feeling better soon!

XOXO

Karen said...

Ug! Feel better!!!

Karen said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. I hope everyone gets better soon - esp. you! It's so hard to care for the family when the mama is sick.

Agnes Miller said...

What a horror story, and on date night too!

MIL needs to be read the riot act for Lola being in bed having been sick! That part was terrible.

Wish there were someone there to take care of you, while you're trying to look after everyone else.

Hope you all feel better soon so that you get to properly enjoy your glass of Shiraz.

Agnes.

ALF said...

oh man - that sounds like a lot a lot of vomit! I hope that everyone is feeling better soon.

Mary said...

Oh my goodness!
All of you at once?!?! That is rough!
Hope you are feeling better :)

nicki said...

It's just not fair! You're going to need another date night soon to compensate for the ruined one!

Good luck with gettig everyone well, including you, of course.

Janice said...

That freaking sucks, i hate the stomach flu. We have been super lucky this winter with only mild colds. I hope you get those flu bugs killed and clean up the mess.

Jenni said...

Oh, horrible! But maybe all at once is better than a new one every three days.

Hang in there. And tell hubby you need a girls night out when all this has passed.

Jen said...

Dear Lord, have mercy on your soul! How awful! Feel better soon, okay?

carrie said...

I am so sorry you all are sick.

And sorry you had to do the washing the sheets marathon while sick yourself, that is definitely NOT FUN.

May you be well soon, all of you.

Kelly said...

I'm sending over my fictional maid. She's all done with our poop and ready to tackle your vomit. Feel better sweetie!

Manners & Moxie said...

I don't know what to say. How awful. I honestly cannot imagine. I'm one of those people who gets sick when I hear someone getting sick! Yikes!!!!

indicaspecies said...

Reached here from Authorblog.

Don't know whether to laugh or cry at this post. You write so well, and kept me captivated till the end.

Get well wishes to you and all those around you. :)

the dragonfly said...

How awful! I can't believe your poor little girl was sleeping in her own vomit. :(

I hope you're all feeling better...

Jessica said...

YUCK!!!! That stinks! I hope the quarantine is over!


I think you should request another date

 

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