Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Apparently, I have a response...

A glimpse of my responses to my children, husband, family, and friends, in the last 48 hours of my life.

"No way, Jose. I will not buy that."
In response to Lola at the dollar section of Target. She begged for a flask. It was pink and plastic and read Summer Flask. Apparently, she likes portable drink containers that are typically found in some college dorms.

"Who keeps farting?" In response to the giggle, giggle, fart, fart, giggle, and laughter heard from my bedroom this morning. Apparently, farting is funny amongst 5 year old boys.

"They catch Mommy's seeds." In response to Lola asking me what the box of feminine products were used for. Apparently, I should not let Fifi play "empty the box of mommy products" while I try to get dressed in the morning.

"That is my territory." In response to the husband begging me to grow out Fifi's hair before getting her first hair cut, when all I have been dreaming for is a cute summer bob for my toddler. Apparently, Mr. Juno running shorts believes he has a say in our kid's styling.

"I have a blog!!!" In response to the other tipsy moms at the PTA fundraiser asking how I stay busy. I gave out my URL while wobbling around in my Louboutins heels, at the dive bar, after the event. Apparently, I should not drink socially.

"You can not bring weapons to school." In response to Jay asking if he could bring his foam swords in for show and tell. Apparently other moms allow it and apparently Jay learned that I am not apparently like other moms.

"......................." Silent response, in response to Lola telling me that everyone will see my tummy at the pool in THAT bikini, in the Dillard's dressing room. Apparently, I have a fluffy tummy.

"Sh!t." In response to Fifi slipping in her own puddle of shoe-shoe on the kitchen floor. Apparently, right after changing her diaper and letting her diaper rash air out, she needed to go again.

"If you are happy, I am happy." In response to Lola proclaiming she will marry a girl and have 63 girl babies all named Clara. Apparently, she likes girls.

"Dude?" In response to the mother at the Jewish Community Center Park while she was reprimanding my Jay for getting too close with the sand digger to her precious toddler. Apparently, it is time for her to teach her kid boundaries, my kid was playing according to sand box rules.

"Do not run over your sister!" In response to Lola getting dangerously close too Fifi in her Barbie convertible in our driveway. She kept her eyes on the target. Apparently, we are going to have sister issues down the road.

"Everything you can do, I can do better." In response to my best friend spoiling my kids by buying them everything in site at the science museum, art museum, and gas station. Apparently, I will buy more obnoxious, more sugar filled, and louder things for her children.

"Yes." In response to A.) Joining the social committee of our neighborhood B.) Chairing the Adult Outings committee of our PTA C.) Taking on to photograph two weddings in September D.) Hosting the extended in-law family for a BBQ this Sunday. Apparently, I am a big push over and can not say NO.

"Stop yelling. God hears you." In response to Lola yelling out her prayers and what she is thankful for. "I LOVE MY BROTHER AND AM HAPPY AND LOVE EVERYTHING BUT NOT THE RAIN AND THANK YOU GOD SOOOOOOO MUCH FOR MYSELF!!! AND AMEN! AAAMMMMMEEEENNNNN!!!" Apparently, she must have been a liberal Southern Baptist in her previous life.

"I am not like other moms." In response to Jay begging for the new $20 Indiana Jones whip. Apparently, other moms are buying plastic leather whips with sound effects, for their sons.

"Is she breathing?"
In response to Fifi sleeping over 12 hours, in her own crib. Apparently, she can do it. Amen.

"Congrats on graduating for the gazillionth time."
In response to my sister graduating from Columbia, this morning with her Masters. Apparently, if you give Kash an education she will want more. And when she wants more education, she takes out more loans. And when it comes time to pay off loans, she get another education. Congrats Kash, we are so proud!

63classy comments:

Tootsie Farklepants said...

No way! Am I first?!

Isn't Lola the one who bought the shot glass?

Kristen said...

This was hysterical!!

I swear it is therapy to write this stuff down. Otherwise you swear you are losing your mind saying the things you do on a regular basis.

Great Job OhMommy! I am glad to know that I am in good company with the craziness that is the life of a mother. :)

Jan said...

Great post, but "Mr. Juno running shorts" - really - I almost fell out of my chair laughing.

The Gerster Family said...

Wow! Busy day! I love the part about your husband truly thinking he has a say in your childrens' style. :)

Wendi said...

This was very clever OHMommy!

I am so glad to read that we have similiar responses to things.
I love your response to Lola about feminine products. I may have to borrow that one.
Remember how I totally stole your "beautiful blood" line?
I will let you know when I use this one.

Congratulations to your very educated sister, Kash!( BTW...did she ever decide on a name for her travel blog? Just curious.)

I will let you get back to your responding. I have some foil to
go "lock"!

Kash said...

Thank you! However, I don't know how you do it. Congrats to you for surviving and thriving with the kiddos!

Melissa said...

sounds like the appropriate response for each situation!!

D. Parra said...

My fav? Mommy seeds!! LOL!!!

Lisa said...

That. Was. Fantastic!

Can I please tell you how much & puffy heart you & your family?

Supa-dupa hugs to you!!!!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

You said they catch Mommy's seeds!! OMG that is fantastic.
I love you long time!

Laura said...

I hope you NEVER not have a response! This is a great post - thanks for sharing!

Happy Days said...

Great Post! Great responses!!!

Angie said...

Seriously Dude? All in the last 48 hours? I don't have to say I'm not like other moms anymore because my kids and all the neighborhood kids know it. I am pretty sure the only time any of them hear no is when they are here. Oh, and since I also have given out my URL to most of the mom's around here, I can't blog about it. I don't have to ask who keeps farting anymore because they all do it as much as they can, the 5 and 6 year old crack up as does the 35 year old. My boys know my feminine products as "mommy's bandaids" because I lost my privacy and my dignity about 6 years ago when my oldest became mobile.

KEEP BELIEVING

Irene said...

Hilarious! Each and every one of them.

But seriously. You are photographing TWO weddings? As in "You are THE wedding photographer"? Or someone in addition to THE photographer?

Way to go, although I think I would be terrified of that endeavor. I have read tips on photographing weddings (why I read them, I don't know) but they say you should have TWO of everything when it comes to equipment. Heaven forbid something happen, you would never want to be without.

Good luck!!!!

beth said...

That is quite a list! Is there anything you do not have an answer to?

I have done the have a couple of drinks and tell people about my bog thing too. Damn blackberries...

Crystal said...

I LOVE this post you are so classy and so HILARIOUS.
I can't wait to see Fifi's new summer bob and Lola's future marriage and family plans sound a lot like Madeline's plan with the addition that she still wants to live with me.
Oh, and Hi to all the new readers you collected at the PTA fundraiser. LOL.

Karen said...

I think your daughter has a drinking problem. Is there a AA for toddlers?

And boys find farting funny no matter what age. Even grown boys.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

A)we suffer from the same debilitating disease of over committing, I see. I also can't say no.

B)my sister and I always screamed our prayers at night. We were sure He would hear us better that way.

Nap Warden said...

I would say...you have an answer for everything:)

Blessings From Above said...

Once again, Lola's personality stands out. Marrying girls, 63 babies named Clara, running over her sister, SHOUTING her prayers. All too funny!

I can certainly see how you came up with your Classy Chaos blog title.

P.S. Hooray for Fifi sleeping in her crib! :)

Kim said...

THis was just what I needed to kick off my Tuesday morning!!! This was hysterical. I can't wait to see you be a grandma to 63 babies named Clara. I hope you come up with some sort of tagging system. hahaah

Kimmylyn.. :)

LunaNik said...

What a fun post girlfriend! I love that Lola has discovered her inner lesbian and is all geared up to have a billion babies all named Clara. That girl is FUNNY! I can't wait for you to embarrass her with this stuff when she's older.

Bogart in P Towne said...

It is clearly not just 5 year old boys who find barking spiders funny...

CC said...

Wow! What a great list. You are one quotable family!

Cecily R said...

Just five year old boys think toots are funny? Uh-uh. Jon would laugh himself silly. Trust me. And...so would I. Just more quietly. So the kids can't see. :)

Oh and the whole "If you're happy I'm happy" bit. PRICELESS.

Ashlee said...

Good to know I'm not the only one saying stuff like this! :0) BTW...8 year old boys think farting is funny too. So does my hubby. I don't think it ever ends.....

Beth said...

Umm, yeah - 'Catching Mommy's seed?' I'm happy that I have boys, I can lie to them.

Hillarious post~

renatamic said...

your forgot about the sunday morning when your answer to everything was "YES" while kinda, sorta feeling the effects of the night before.

Lola - "Mommy, can I have another (4th)piece of candy?'
OhMommy - "Sure."

Jay - "Mommy, can I play with my weapons as long as I'm quiet and in the other room?"
OhMommy - "Yeah, whatever."

Mr. Juno runnin shorts - "You want me to order burger and fries for the whole family?"
OhMommy - "HECK YEAH!"

...just thought I'd add to your collection...

p.s. i think "pooking" is quite hilarious!! and i have for a long, long time.

The Mom said...

"I am not like other moms." In response to Jay begging for the new $20 Indiana Jones whip. Apparently, other moms are buying plastic leather whips with sound effects, for their sons.

Thank goodness I'm not like other mom's either! My Boy (7) wants one too.

Love the "catch mommy's seeds" answer...I'm on the verge with the TALK with my 9.5 year old!! Hold me.

Ali said...

um, farts are funny to 30-year-old women too ;)

April said...

I love, love, love this post. Great job!!

Rachel said...

Thank you for the adorable look into your life.
You crack me up, 'shoe shoe' ? :-?

carrie said...

Oh, I love this post.

The part about "mommy's seeds," I had to actually think for a minute about that one. Very clever! I've just said, "Those are for when you're a WOMAN."

Obviously I am not as creative with my responses! :)

And the "Dude" on the playground cracked me up too!

Oh, and congrats on your new readers! *waving at the PTA parents who just discovered OHMommy's blog*

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Wow. More stuff at the Target bin already? Jee whiz. You're there as much as we are. And, Oh BOY. Are you getting new PTA readers? That might be scary.

ConverseMomma said...

oh, how I love Lola's prayers. Thank You God so much for Myself, AMENNNN! Seriously, Amen little sister. I'm praying like that from now on. Ya know, I have been so lazy about reading blogs this week, but I never miss yours. Too good to miss, actually. Amen to that.

Meg said...

"I have a blog" I think you should have a t-shirt made and wear it to the next PTA function!

Funny post!

Steph said...

How are you so creative at midnight???? :)

Traceytreasure said...

I love your "they catch mommy seeds" I'm so stealing that one from you! And just so you know I wore a tankini to a public pool a few years ago and my daughter said "look mom, your stomach is so big it broke through your suit." Priceless. Then I explained that my large stomach was partly HER fault. (I'm so joking) I told her it was already two pieces when I put it on! Hugs!

Janice said...

Love this post, it was so funny, I laughed out loud, I think I may have responded in those words once or twice..

Sh!t..

Don't run over your sister...

but the sanitary napkin one.. pricless

Stephanie said...

Oh I cannot wait until my little one can talk. Look at all the fun you have ;)

LceeL said...

I love Lola. Where was she when I was growing up? Rhetorical question - don't even go there. Mr Juno running shorts reminds me of my 'nuthugger' story - but I can't tell you now.

Kathryn said...

Wow! This sounds just like my house!!!
- Someone asked you what you do with your free time? Do they know you have THREE children??? Sheesh!
- Joey just asked me if he could bring a pirate gun to show and tell at school. sigh...
- Yes, farting is VERY funny to boys.
-To catch your eggs! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Taya said...

Love it! You have a very clever style of writing and I am just addicted to it! Keep it coming! I love all your responses. Thanks for making me chuckle!

just jamie said...

Okay OhMommy, they hold your seeds in? Dang. That about made me pee (or fart), or go for the pink flask, or ...

I think this might be my favorite post of yours. This and the other 40,000. It's a tie.

MommyTime said...

I hope Lola and her girl-wife and 63 darling Claras are all very happy. :) I'm sure they will be very loud at prayer time, but no one every said loud did not equal happy.

As for the "Yes" -- I would be quite happy to loan you my "No," as I'm not using it.

momof3crazykids said...

"I am not like other moms" I need to use that. My 5 year old keeps asking me to buy him Heelys (shoes with wheels) because a kid in his class is going to get some. Apparently I am a mean mom.

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

"They catch Mommy's seeds." HA!! Too funny.

Rachel said...

I have a present for you.
<3 you.

the mama bird diaries said...

Damn. My belly is fluffy too.

I always wonder if my kids are breathing too when they sleep too long.

Sandy C. said...

ROFL at your "seed" catchers :)

These were awesome! And "dude"...that totally would have been my response too.

Eve Grey said...

Oh Lola, (: how forward thinking of her. A girl & 60 babies with the same name. Hilarious! Jack told me the other day when he grows up he's going to marry Daisy (his sister). Oh vey.

Rhea said...

Oh, my gosh. I was scared to keep reading because each entry outdid the previous. Hilarious quotes. You lead one funny life! And, a big congrats to your sister on graduating!

Robin said...

Mommy's seeds! LOL If I used that phrase my boys would want to see them and plant them, and wait maybe they could grow another mommy and she would be like other mommies and by us stuff and let us eat crap (see the problem.)

Congrats Kash! Why won't society just let us be students forever. It is all I ever wanted to be!

BusyDad said...

Hahaha! You just have to drink socially with the right crowd, i.e. me.

Kimber said...

Very cute...but you ned to work on Lola...I thought she was betrothed to Harry!

Amy said...

Hilarious!!
Yeah I let it slip one night after a cocktail (or 6) that I had a blog and now my entire Sunday school class reads it.

girlymom said...

Love your responses, you are very witty!

Flea said...

As to dressing your children - darn straight! I learned to smock while pregnant with my third, a boy. So guess who wore smocked clothes into toddlerhood? Yessirree Bob. My boy.

And the competition with your friend will only escalate if you don't stop now. Check out my most recent post when you have time:
http://thegoodflea.com/2008/05/sister-she-is-evil.html

Grandy said...

You slay me woman!

Do I want to know what Fifi's shoe shoe is??

Secret Agent Mama said...

Some of these, I've said before. Just sayin'.. As for Kash:

CONGRATS Tsetsa na OHMommy!

Jules said...

And you know what is amazing? You can remember it all!!!

Karen MEG said...

I love it!!! For some reason, Mr. Juno shorts had me cracking right up!!
You are going to be one busy OhMommy; of course you're too nice to say no!
And congrats again to Kash, no wonder you're so proud of her :)

Hey it's Amy Shipp said...

I love this post! :D

 

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