Monday, May 12, 2008

I thought I was HOT...

My kids are growing like weeds. How do I know? They are still hungry after a well balanced meal.

Yesterday, the husband, prepared one of his scrumptious chicken stir-frys. He used no recipe for his delicacy and successfully disguised a medley of nearly a dozen exotic vegetables. We ate well.

Jay asked for seconds, Lola cleared her own bowl, and Fifi did not even share with Murphy our daschund. When Jay approached me for his third bowl I sarcastically replied, "No, way Jose! I do not want you to grow anymore. I want you to stay this age forever."

To which he very honestly replied, "The more I eat, the more I will grow. I want to grow tall enough so I can reach up and kiss you on my own."

To which my heart melted. I wanted to bottle that up and save it forever only to release it when he is about 16 and saying whatever horrible things he will say to me then.

About two hours after our scrumptious stir-fry, the kids were hungry again. However, it was too close to bed time and Fifi was dying to sleep. "No, guys. Bedtime is in 1/2 an hour." However, the older two were BEGGING for food, actually begging for McDonald's. "What the heck.... let's go." I threw on a pair of jeans and instructed the husband to put Fifi to bed.

They were so excited!

We arrived at out neighborhood's golden arches for our impromptu evening date. "One chicken nugget happy meal, honey mustard, french fries, chocolate milk, and a girl toy. One cheeseburger happy meal hold the onions, apple slices, chocolate milk, and a boy toy. One small Diet Coke, please."

I smiled at the kids and paid for my order. I turned to my left and noticed a handsome business man smiling at us. I smiled back. I suddenly remembered that I was without my wedding ring. I am often without it, especially in a hurry. He was without his too, but not in a hurry. He smiled at us again and gave me the complete stare down. I turned around and blushed in disbelief.

Oh. My. Gosh. He is totally checking me out.

We waited for our order and Lola searched the restaurant for a table. He started to order. "The number 4 super sized, please." He looked over at me again. He smiled.

Oh. My. Gosh. I am not imagining this. He is totally checking me out. I still have "it."

I smiled. I grabbed our tray, met Lola, and started to divide the food. As the kiddos ate their food I could not wait to get home to tell my husband... "Dude. I am still hot! Someone at McDonald's was TOTALLY checking me out."

As we were leaving McDonald's the handsome business man gave me one last smile.

We jammed on the way home. The kiddos walked through the door with their McDonald's toys and greeted the husband. Just as I was about to rub my awesome still-have-it hotness in my husband's face he smirked and asked me, "Ummm, are you afraid of heights?"


Just for the record, my thighs did not always meet at that point. For a long time, before kids, they did not rub together at all when I walked. Yes. I used to be hot.

80classy comments:

Eve Grey said...

Bwahaha, cute story! I am sure that's NOT why he was checking you out. Girl, you know you still got it!

Jan said...

This is too funny. Yep, you still have it.

Mr Lady said...

You know he was just thinking about all that easy access.

PS: My thighs meet at my knees. I'd trade you anyday.

LunaNik said...

Tee-hee-hee.

Cuuuuute! I can't stop giggling over here.

jewels said...

I don't believe for one minute that he was checking you out just because your "fly" was open! You are one hot momma and I am sure he was checking out the whole package!

I always love to run to my hubby and rub it in when a hot guy checks me out or flirts with me. Sadly, the majority of the time, old men and weirdos check me out. Hmmmm....that doesn't sound too good.

Kristen said...

Oh my! I have tears coming down my face!!

You are too funny my dear, too funny!

I am sure your dazzling smile is what he was transfixed with! :)

Melissa said...

OhMommy, your still hot! Don't let the zipper fool ya!!

Angie said...

Hey, whatever it takes, huh?

My thighs meet there, too. I consider it that they are lonely and need some affection because no nmatter how much weight I lose and how thin my tummy gets, my thighs still NEED each other.

KEEP BELEIVING

Blessings From Above said...

Ohhhh, this is to funny! But don't sell yourself short, I bet he WAS totally checking you out. Zipper down or not.

And, how sweet is Jay? Wanting to grow taller to give you kisses.

Laurie said...

I am rolling!! You are the BEST story teller!

beth said...

Too funny. Thanks for the laugh!

My four year old is eating like crazy too. I was really starting to worry, but maybe it is normal (just like everything else I worry about).

Sandy C. said...

#4 super sized? Dude should totally be watching his calories instead!

He was totally checking you out.

I think my thighs meet lower and lower every month :(

krissy said...

Oh Please, you still are hot! And he was totally thinking easy access. Hmmpphh....I know men!!!

And the thighs....good gracious Lady, when they start setting fires when you walk...then we can talk!!!

At least you don't have muffin top!

The Mom said...

Look at that tiny waist....he was definately ogling the whole package!

Huckdoll said...

I agree with The Mom. You are tiny!!

Afraid of heights??! That's hilarious, Mr. OH. I've never heard that one :)

zoeyjane said...

those thighs look FINE to me. i'm awonder at the teensy tiny hips you've got. THAT'S why mr business was checking ya out - two kids, eating McDonalds and not an extra inch on that frame!

Frances said...

hahaha that is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

You are small.. you most definitely still have "it"!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I'm still stuck on your husband made dinner.

ShannanB said...

Oh man. That is too funny. That is the sort of thing that would happen to me.

Laura said...

oh my....what a post of ups and downs...emotions I mean.

Big enough to kiss you on his own...too cute!

I think the mcD's guy was checking you out...zipper issue or not!!!!!

Thanks for sharing!

Karen MEG said...

Ha!!!!But you do know, that he was TOTALLY checking you out, don't you? He was NOT looking at your fly!

You are tiny, BTW. I remember when I used to wonder what it felt like to have thighs that rubbed together, and it seemed so foreign to me. But that was over 2 decades ago, I didn't have to wonder for long!

You rock it, babe ;)

This Southern Belle said...

Shoot, you look great! How sweet is your little Jay?

Kimber said...

Love Jay's comment about being tall enough to kiss you. That s precious! You look like a bean pole here woman! You need some french fries and a milk shake! And I am sure he was checking you out...men do not notice minor details like zippers---trust me!


K

P said...

You know what? He was still checking you out. It wasn't the zipper thing. That would have only required one smile and move on. He KEPT smiling. Yeah, he was sooo checking you out.

Karen said...

Oh no! Forgive me for laughing, but it's with you. Really. My post is along the same lines.

Stephanie said...

We are too alike sometimes - this was me on Sunday. The feeling of coolness I felt after discovering my zipper was down...yeah, great.

Funny story! :)

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

Ha!! I'm sure he was looking at more than a ZIPPER down! lol

Rachel said...

You are still hot!! Zipper down and all. You may think you're thighs are too big, but I think you still look tiny and adorable!
Rock that hawtness mama!

THopgood said...

Love this!

PS...OMGosh could your son be any sweeter?

allisonsays.com said...

Ahaha! Amazing story!

And your son? HOW sweet is that?! I would have started crying, probably.

I'm sure he was actually checking you out, too...maybe to him that zipper down was EXTRA hot. Sneak peak ;)

LceeL said...

And I would like to know just what is wrong with considering 'easy access'? It's not like the guy is going to come up and say "Hey, the barn door's open." Or "Better close that door before the horse gets out." There was never a horse there to begin with. Just hay.

Beth said...

tee hee...

Chuckling with you here but I'm certain, he was still checking you out!

And my kids would absolutely LOVE if if they got to go to Mickey Dee's right before bedtime! That's pretty cool of you!

Anne said...

You must have super powers to just get order diet soda. No wonder you are so fit. I'd have been all over a diet and a 10-peice nugget.

I still say he was checking you out!

Lisa said...

Oooppppsss! I am always worried about a fly down or a wrong button undone--happy you have an awesome sense of humor on it ;)
Never heard of the 'afraid of heights thing'--actually clueless on it :0

Indy said...

I bet he was still checking you out. You should check out Craigs list "missed connections." Maybe he is looking for you. Ha!

"Looking for the hot mama at McDonals, two kids and her barn door open...."

The Gerster Family said...

LOL! What a great story. You totally still have it..."air conditioning" and all :)

Smart A$$ Mom said...

Afraid of heights?! So funny!!!

Maybe your thighs touch, but at the very least they are flippin skinny!!!

Don Mills Diva said...

That was awesome because it is EXACTLY like something that would happen to me!

Love it!

Rhea said...

ROFL Oh, you're good alright. You had me going...I had no idea where this story was leading, but I didn't think it would end up at your zipper. You have a flare for story telling, I give you that!!

LOVED it, great story, and you know you're still hot, it wasn't the zipper at all, although I'm sure he thought that was a good sign. hehe

Crystal said...

BLUSHING~
that is hilarious. but ugh, i hate when that happens!!!

Ashlee said...

Love the cute growing story at the beginning. I would want to bottle it up too. And...I would have thought he was checking me out too. The least he could have done was TOLD you. Though that would have been ultra embarrassing too. :0)

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

You are still hot. If you weren't, your fear of heights wouldn't have been worth noticing. Just sayin'.

Beth said...

You know you still got 'it', zipper down or not. DH is too funny, "afraid of heights" - it runs in the family~

amanda said...

too funny honey :)

zipper down at mickey d's is total class!!

and yes he was totally checking u out!

Stephanie said...

You crack me up. I'm sure that's not the only reason he was smiling at you, you're beautiful! And for the record, kids apparently make all thighs rub together. ;oD

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Does Jay's comment take a little of the sting off? I hope?

MommyTime said...

A) he was TOTALLY checking you out
B) he probably didn't even notice the zipper (my husband would've been that oblivious)
C) my thighs have touched from the knees up for my whole life, even when I was in high school and weighed 125 pounds at 5'7" tall -- so I'd take your hot leg shape for mine any day. :)

Miss said...

You ARE totally hot. You've got hot legs and a hot bod. He was checking you out. Hubby just focused on the money shot and LOVED pointing that out! LOL

renatamic said...

ummmm...thighs touching? i don't see that?? look at how slender your legs are! i'll trade you and i'm pre-kiddos!!!

you totally still got it!! you're a hottie and you know it! fly down or not...he was TOTALLY checking you out (at mcdonalds)!!

p.s. saw the weather for this weekend...am going to have to rethink my outfit for NATR...so sad :-(

Dawn said...

That cracks me up! I'm sure he was just thinkin' "Look a hot chick with her zipper down." ;-)

Brunette said...

Lol. Oh, us hot brunettes with our zippers down. I have also had the Princess sticker in the crotch, too. I so need to start checking myself before I walk out the door!

April said...

DUDE, you are tiny!! THIGHS?!? WHAT THIGHS?!?! I laughed out loud at this story cuz it's something I would do. ;-)

Happy Days said...

You still got it going on!!! Don't worry, he probably didn't even notice the zipper!! Too funny!

jennie said...

that.was.too.funny. I did that too but at the hoity toity preschool board meeting. ugh. at least you didn't have an exotic vegetable in between your teeth.:)

Kim said...

you are too freaking funny..

and you are so totally hot!!

kimmylyn

Cecily R said...

You're awesome. Seriously.

I KNOW he was checking you out, zipper or not. It's just a classy GIVEN.

Kathryn said...

I'm sure he didn't even notice your zipper. And, um, I would seriously like to trade thighs with you. Please?

imbeingheldhostage said...

So thighs aren't supposed to meet? Those thighs you've photographed are smaller than my arms...

amanda said...

My zipper is always unzipped at the worst of times.

Secret Agent Mama said...

Still hot. Just sayin' is all.

Nap Warden said...

C'mon now...you still got it, it just shifts around a bit;)

Beyond A Mommy said...

Oh my gosh, that is too funny. I'm so thankful i'm not the only "hottie" out there. I was walking into a store with my 2 year old when a really good looking young guy said something to me, i didn't catch what he said but i smiled and then he said it again.....long story short, he tried three times to tell me politely my fly was down before pointing and just laughing. Oye. HOT i tell you.

Amy said...

Oh girl you know you still got it! Cute story!

tricki_nicki said...

Oh my, that sounds WAY too much like something I would do. And you know you're still a hottie! That guy was probably so transfixed by your hotness that he didn't even notice your barn door!

CableGirl said...

oh, that was too funny. Thanks for that.

I'm sure the guy was checking you out,n ot your fly.... the fly was just an added bonus. :)

Tara R. said...

He could have still been checking you out... maybe thought you were flirting.

Maureen said...

Har! Too funny!!!

I had a day like that not long ago... but I didn't have anyone "checking me out" per se... just the zipper thang....

Yes, you be hot. Uh huh. At McD's.

ConverseMomma said...

Don't fool ya self honey. You are still smokin hot. He was checking you out. He probably thought the zipper being unzipped was a come hither, ya know. You bad, bad, momma!

Taya said...

What a hoot! Thanks for the great belly laugh! You are brave to post a pix! Love it!

Wendi said...

I am still waiting on your book to get published. You really are the best story teller....EVAH!
I would just like to sit at your feet and let you tell me stories all day. You are hilarious! Mr. OHMOMMY is pretty funny too...afraid of heights.
I loved this post!

The Schneider's said...

That's a great story!! I think you still got it zipper down or not! :) Jay is such a sweetie!

suchsimplepleasures said...

ok...that just cheered me up!! that was the funniest thing i've heard...all day!!
xoxo

sorry that happened. i'm sure he didn't notice the zipper...he was noticing how young and pretty you are...too young to have a child without training wheels on the bike...

Grandy said...

You are still HOT!! Thanks for the laugh.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

You are totally still hot! I bet he was too mesmerized by thinking how lucky your man must be to even notice the zipper.

Angie (Angelica Grace Designs) said...

Loved this! He just thought you were a hot mamma and never even probably saw the zipper. :)
Blessings, Angie Seaman
www.angelicagracedesigns.com/blog/
www.angelicagracedesigns.com

Amy said...

I'm sure he was so focused on your beautiful face that he didn't even notice...

Melinda Zook said...

Oh goodness...that would have been me too. Whenever I am running with the kids, I totally forget to even check myself at all. I have gone out with mustard on my cheek, a hole in my pants and my hair in shambles.

As for the guy though, he probably never noticed, I am sure he never even thought to look below the chest if ya know what I mean.

Martini said...

That is probably one of the funniest stories I've ever heard.....I have laughed every hour since I read this post.

Very funny!

Jenni said...

I'm sure I have done far more often than I realize!

Victoria said...

Ruh roh!

 

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