Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Dire Straits

The girls of the OHmommy family need an intervention, or at least a make-over, immediately. Someone please call Stacy and Clinton and nominate us for "What Not To Wear." We are in dire straits!

Exhibit A.
OHmommy attends son's T-ball game wearing practical flip-flops, simple black ribbed tank, and a cute denim skirt. Denim skirt was by no means inappropriate, measuring exactly 4 inches above the knee. However, the skirt was worn during that "magical hour" before the baby's bedtime and the baby did not want to be confined in her stroller. The baby threw her sippy cup down. OHmommy gracefully lowered herself, paying attention to her skirt. The baby threw her pacifier down. OHmommy tactfully bent down, paying attention to her skirt. The baby threw her muffin down. OHmommy lovingly knelt down, paying attention to her skirt. The baby started convulsing in her stroller screaming to get out. OHmommy shamelessly bent over and mooned the entire community, while removing the wild banshee from her stroller.

Exhibit B.
OHmommy asked the middle child to choose an outfit to wear for her upcoming modeling shoot for the packaging of a new doll house. The modeling agency requested to bring a "variety of summer dresses in shades of lavender, pale green, and vibrant yellow with no prints. And sandals to match." The middle child picked a bright pink princess Aurora gown with maple syrup stains, a gaudy fake diamond necklace, bright green Christmas socks, and her Barbie cowgirl boots. The stubborn middle child left no room for argument.

Exhibit C.
The baby of the house is not nearly old enough to have an opinion in her styling. Wrong. The baby has already broken the strands of OHmommy's two fake pearl necklaces. From the minute she wakes up she toddles over to OHmommy's jewelry drawer, gently pulls it open, and stuffs her chubby fingers in while blindly searching for necklaces. Net yet dressed for the day, sporting just a diaper, she walks around the house with bracelets and necklaces waving hello as on a nudist parade. OHmommy has no idea where she learns such behaviors.

Please. Do not get me started on the men of the OHmommy household. That, my friends, is an entirely different dire straits.

63classy comments:

duchess said...

My daughter was the same way - the tackier the better. She would only try on shoes that were glittery and gaudy and had "high heels".
I hope it will make you feel better to know that she might grow out of it (mine did - a little) but there's no guarantee.
Now, as for the mooning incident....I'm sure the dad's standing around loved it.

suchsimplepleasures said...

at least the pearls were fake, right?
i hate wearing skirts with my kids...for reasons described in exhibit A.
xoxo

Nap Warden said...

Miss Peach is all about the bling, the bigger, the tackier the better! I gotta say, I got a chuckle over the mooning:)

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

You'll do fine. Don't stress about the outfit. Just pull out a pair of killer stilettos.

Wendi said...

You crack me up!
You with your exhibits A, B, and C.
You with your mention of Stacy and Clinton.
You with your men of different dire straits.
You. are. hilarious.

The Mom said...

Shall we combine all that with your hubby's Juno track shorts?

Photos, we need photos! ;)

Mr Lady said...

1. I am jealous of the crowd.
2. I am NOT jealous of the photographer.
3. I hear there's a decent living to be made sporting EXACTLY that attire. :)

KIDDING, of course! How could I resist??? :)

zoeyjane said...

i see no problem with any of that. of course, this is what i have to contend with - we're not doing much better and we're trying REALLY HARD!

Dawn said...

I'll nominate you, if you will nominate me. Apparently my fashion sense went out the window the minute I had children. I just don't seem to have the time or energy to put into wardrobing. *Sigh*

Laura said...

My son likes to wear plaid pants and tops - that do not share - but both do contain the colour orange!

Thanks for sharing!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Oh man, Stacy and Clinton will have a field day with you girls!

Jenn said...

Send Stacy and Clinton over here when you're done with them, would'ja?

Krystyn said...

My daughter is the same way. She loves shoes and bracelets! Fortunately, my sister convinced her that pony tail holders are bracelets and she loves them!

krissy said...

When you mean men of the house, you wouldn't be refering to the jogging shorts would you? LOL

Honey, if you saw the attire this family wears at times you would start rumors about us....Stacey and Clint would pee down their legs looking at us. I have been known going to the grocery store in my PJ's. That's ugly!

Lisa said...

Funny, funny, funny!

My sweet Goosey will typically wear whatever I lay out for her. She prefers dresses and "comfy pants" (don't we all?) but is pretty easy. Lulu on the other hand is an all out diva when it comes to her wardrobe. Maybe I'll send her for a week at the OHMommy house???

Karen said...

Haha! I love mooning the community, but only because I've done it myself a few times. I also flashed the church some boobie at the Christmas program last year. That was courtesy of Micah.

LceeL said...

Oh sure, NOW you tell me - AFTER the game is over. And then, to top it off, you provide no photographic evidence. None. Nada. A moon, lost forever to the memory of a community of people who have NO WAY to share that memory with the rest of us. We just have to sit back and visualize .... Mmmmmmmm.

Crystal D said...

OK, I just sent you an email with my suggestion for your interview. When is this interview anyway? And why are the interviewing our OHmommy anyway? You have such exciting things happen to you.

Crystal D said...

Oh, but it does sound like you are going to need to switch out my pearls idea for some other kind of classy jewelry. :)

Stephanie said...

Oh I love stories of the women of the OHMommy house! Classic! At least Fifi has great taste in jewelry right? ;)

Kelly said...

Great stories. And if it makes you feel any better, when my 2 year old SON was 1 he would always go and get my bras out of my drawer and wear them around his neck. How's that for impressive?? LOL

LunaNik said...

Please, let's not even mention the OhMommy men...

I'll take a pink princess gown with maple syrup stains, broken fake pearls, and a skirt that moons the entire world over your poor hubs terrible taste in running shorts anyday.

(Tee-hee-hee...he sure did look funny, didn't he)

Stephanie said...

Maybe my daughter could give the middle child some advice. I'm not a fashion queen, but Punky will bring my shoes to me when I'm getting dressed. they've ALWAYS matches, as have her own shoes when she picks them out. Maybe they do it to spite us. ;oD

Indy said...

Love, love, love Stacy and Clinton. I need them too!

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

Skirts and kid events... do not mix! ;-)

Ashlee said...

My daughter loves to pick out her outfits too. The mismatched tops and bottoms with princess dress up shoes....it kills me!

allisonsays.com said...

Haha! I love that Fifi walks around donning a diaper AND jewelry!

Skirts with children: not such a good match. I learned that the hard way. Not only is there too much bending over, there is also too much wrestling, and the inevitable time the kid pulls your skirt up!

MommyTime said...

Hahahaha! The image of Fifi toddling around in diaper and necklaces is priceless. For yourself, just go for fuller skirts, which hide a multitude of sins (not to mention panties) even when they're on the shorter side. As for Lola's fashion sense, what can I say -- she's got individual style! And that's important. Also? Crazy modeling agency thinks you run a clothing boutique on the side? That's what they get for asking you to bring the clothes instead of providing them... my two cents.... :)

Marmarbug said...

thank goodness the pearls were fake! I have SO many roken necklaces from Bean's baby days. Foolishly I wore them during his "grabbing" phase. Not smart.

moooooog35 said...

Best. T-Ball Game. Ever.

Thank you for making it so.

Signed,

Guy in T-ball watching audience.

Kathryn said...

Oh, you and me both! I could REALLY use a makeover. I wore CUT-OFF jean shorts to pick Joey up from school yesterday. Can you say 80's? Yipes!

amanda said...

uhm so maybe the modeling agency will be blown over by the cuteness of said gown with maple syrup stains. it might just be the look they didn't know they were looking for :)

Blessings From Above said...

Ohhh, I think both your girls are going to be "girly girls". Too cute!

I don't think OHdaddy needs any help. He wears the coolest shorts! ;)

Steph said...

We will send them right over! LOL

postscript said...

I wonder what the modeling agency people will say...

~ps

Stinky John Jones said...

Well....your not a Mommy if neither your butt nor your boobs are hanging out for everyone to see!

Melissa said...

So then you're saying I'm lucky that Hope still let's me pick out her clothes at 5?

Oh Clinton!

Jennifer said...

I could go for that makeover too! You nominate me and I'll nominate you :)

Momo Fali said...

I fell your pain! I took my daughter to a friend's house on Saturday morning and didn't notice until we got there that her shirt was filthy. She's NINE! Shouldn't she know better by now?

To answer your question...I am not going to BlogHer. I would love to, but I'm heading up a huge charity function at our church that weekend. I don't really have the money either! So, I just keep reminding myself that I need to be here for charity!

momof3crazykids said...

Yes, I've had an incident with my little one looking up my skirt. Not so good.
I need Stacy and Clinton too.

Laski said...

Oh, I am having serious fashion issues and they are getting worse by the day. I swear I leave the house looking fine yet when I catch a glimpse in the windows or mirrors at the store . . . SCARY.

I just thank goodness that I only have J to worry about--at least he can look up to his dad for fashion sense . . . wait . . . poor J's dad can't color coordinate and thought that his "Apple Jacks" shirt was COOL. Poor kid is doomed . . .

Karen MEG said...

Nudist parade LOL! I'm sure it's nowhere as bad as you say, honestly!

Mooning the entire community, eh :)?

Beth said...

That is so not like you to exclude a picture or two, I think there must be some fussing up to do.

Exhibit A is me often, but it's those darn low rise jeans that get me, augh!

Rachel said...

Ha Ha Ha Ha :-)
You crack me up.

Princess is guilty of both A and B.

I would kill for a Stacey and Clinton Intervention *sigh*

CC said...

Hey, my son dresses a lot like middle child. I'm. Not. Kidding.

Jenni said...

My daughter will not wear anything that doesn't "spin." So shorts, jeans and most of her skirts are out.

But seeing the same dresses over and over again is so worth avoiding the tantrum!

Sandy C. said...

ROFL!!! Oh man...we definitely need to huddle before posting! That is uncanny that we both have fashion emergency posts today :)

Cecily R said...

Oh, I love you!!

I'm fairly certain the middle child and Gracie could be fabulous friends. I think she's worn the same outfit a time or two if you replace the Christmas socks with bright flourescent pink Halloweens socks and flip flops. We are so cool around here...

EatPlayLove said...

I'll remember when I head out to t-ball this weekend to leave the skirts behind!

love exhibit b and c, priceless.

Clare said...

Oh how funny! I love the mooning story!

I can just picture the adorable Fifi strolling around with your pearls on. Bradley still takes no notice to what he is wearing. I guess I should enjoy that now! XO, Clare

Clare said...

Oh how funny! I love the mooning story!

I can just picture the adorable Fifi strolling around with your pearls on. Bradley still takes no notice to what he is wearing. I guess I should enjoy that now! XO, Clare

Huckdoll said...

Uh OH...next thing you know, your pic is going to be sold to the weekly locals, Lindsay and Brit style. Maybe they will question you at your interview, hahaha ;)

Aimee said...

What is it with girls - my daughter does the same thing when I tell her to get dressed. She'll come down the stairs COMPLETELY mis-matched! It's actually quite comical sometimes! :)

Nat said...

Haha! The last one is down right funny.

ConverseMomma said...

If YOU need a makeover, what does that say about me?

Ya know, my mom was on What not to wear. I nominated her. It was a blast.

ShannanB said...

Girls... My mom has photos of me from when I was 3 or 4 years old prancng around in one of her bras. It's horribly embarassing.

I guess what I am saying is... take photos. They'll come in handy someday.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I wanted pictures. :(

April said...

At least I have the excuse of growing up in the '70s to account for my bad taste as a child. Don't quite know what my excuse is these days...except that neither the Stacy/Clinton due nor Tim Gunn has called yet!

Crystal D said...

So how did the interview go and what did you wear??

Shellie said...

Hee hee, sorry but What Not to Wear needs to visit me worse. Comfort reigns supreme here, and funky outfits are the style. My oldest wanted to be Eve for Halloween the year she was 3 or 4. It was hilarious.

Grandy said...

With the moon, classic. (do you OWN flip flops?)
With the Aurora Dress...it was a dollhouse pic, she was a doll.
With the necklace bandit... Get her her own jewelry box.

:) Sorry I've been absent for a while. I have wondered what OHMommy's up to. Mooning the town...good times.

HRH said...

I love that you wore a skirt...so did much of your town...too funny.

Amy said...

You should see what I wear to the swim meets, so not classy, but damn it is hot out there and the smaller the clothes the better!

 

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