Friday, August 01, 2008

Lies my mother told me.

Growing up, my mother would tell us noble lies to maintain her rules, order in her house, and to uphold her level of classiness.

- Eat you carrots, they will help your eyesight. Read here, Mom.
- Wear a hat or you will catch a cold. Read here, Mom.
- Don't pick your nose, your nostrils will grow bigger. Read here, Mom.

Even without proof, we respected and obeyed her (most of the time). Today my eyesight is great, I rarely ever catch a cold, and my nostrils are perfect all thanks to my mother. Now. As a mother of three young children, I too find myself "lying" to them. Not often, just when needed to preserve my sanity. These "lies" help me maintain my rules and order.

Recently, much to my surprise. My noble lies have been followed by evidence. Visual evidence. Proof that allowed my children to declare, "Mom. You ARE right."

- Soda does not help you grow.
Last week at McDonalds, Jay noticed a man of very short stature drinking a soda. The man was practically Jay's height and chugging a super sized soda. The little man with his giant soda was proof enough for Jay and he screamed, "You ARE right. Soda doesn't help people grow."

- If you don't settle down, this car will flip over.
Driving a car with three energetic kids is a task in itself and some days the noise level is unacceptable. I tell them that the negative energy in the car will cause it to flip over. Yesterday, we witnessed a car accident where the family of 5 safely found their way out of their flipped over minivan, unharmed. Lola watched the scene intently and quietly whispered, "You ARE right, Mama. That minivan was full of bad energy."

Oh man, what a lucky strike I am having. Now if only I can provide poof that the ice cream truck plays music only when sold out.




Giving away a free LeapFrog didj gaming system worth over $100. Leave me one comment per reader here, on this post, before Sunday.

84classy comments:

suchsimplepleasures said...

ugh...the ice cream man...
and why is it that he shows up right BEFORE dinner!?

Kristen said...

Seriously just had to explain the ice cream truck myself.

Ahhh, that darned thing!

By the time we get out of the house with cash in hand, it is gone for weeks. So far so good don't you think? ;)

Susan said...

That is a lucky streak! I love how kids analyze things like that and so easily determine their validity with just one small example. It probably has more to do with the fact that they really DO want to believe that we moms know what we are talking about.

Flea said...

Bwahaha! Too funny! My kids are too old to buy that last one, but MAN! I wish I'd thought of it years ago!

Did you know that it takes 30 glasses of water to flush one glass of soda out of your system? This from a conversation with a couple of nurses two nights ago.

Stephanie said...

Lie away momma!! I might have to use that Ice Ceam truck theory..lol Good one!

Miss said...

You are too funny. Glad its working in your favor! My kid would just roll his eyes at me if I told him that stuff!

maggie said...

Hehehe, that's awesome. Too funny!

Kash said...

They are not true! For some reason, I still believe picking your nose does make it bigger. And I also still believe if you hurt yourself that day, it was God punishing you for something wrong you did that day! Even today, when hurt myself, I wonder...what bad thing did I do today! Oh Catholic guilt...

Melissa said...

OMG, I'm so using the ice cream truck one!

Happy Days said...

Too Funny! It is great to get help from strangers who don't even know that they are helping your cause! LOL!

Indy said...

Clever. I never thought of that one. Up until two months ago, Ry didn't even know what the music was from.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

I keep it simple with 'because I am mom, I know all'. I am in need of some crafty fibs about annoying your siblings....because the 'Jesus died on a cross for your sins doesn't give you carte blanch to act like hooligans' really upset them.

moooooog35 said...

Things I heard from my mom growing up:

1) If you swallow watermelon seeds, a watermelon will grow in your stomach.

This obviously didn't phase me, as I was a giant fat kid who already looked like I was growing watermelons in there.

2) I'm not your real mother.

3) If you scream one more time, I'm bringing the iron and you'll never get out of this basement.

Good times. Good times.

Tiaras & Tantrums said...

Love this story! Adorable that he is heeding yourwords!
(PS - I promise, I only left 5 million messages the last time and I will never, ever, ever do that again!)

3 Peanuts said...

That is hysterical. You are on a lucky streak!

Kim

The Hunter's Wife said...

My Mom told us the ice cream man was the dog catcher.

Megryansmom said...

Oh man, what a lucky strike I am having. Now if only I can provide poof that the ice cream truck plays music only when sold out.

Ice cream truck? What's that? We only have a "music bus" in our neighborhood. He has pictures of ice cream on it, because that makes him happy.

Besides who wants ice cream from a pedophile...have you seen those drivers????

Lisa said...

Come to think of it, I AM short (5'3 and 1/4 inches tall, thank you) and I love a large Diet Coke from McDonald's more than life some days! Jay could have seen me!!!

We've yet to find "the right time" to get ice cream from the ice cream man this summer! Think I can make it through the whole summer?

Kel said...

Oh I like the 'bad energy thing' I wish I had known that one when they were young enough to believe it! Maybe there is still hope for the baby?! As for the ice cream man, yep, good luck with that one!
~K

Tara Smith said...

The director of the girls' pre-k center told them that movies rated "pg" will tear up the television!!

Kate said...

Sweet vindication for Mama!! Uhhh...yeah...that ice cream truck...my own little "lie" to my sweet and innocent little babe is that the man drives around playing music in the summer while everyone is playing outside. So we can dance. And sing. And she does both with great enthusiasm. Weak. So weak on my part, I know. I am not sure what is going to happen when she realizes that this fabulous musical truck also dispenses ice cream. My plan is to feign surprise and delight at this discovery right along with her. My hope is that the whole thing won't land her in group therapy someday.

If only I could convince her that eating ice cream will make her nostrils big...

:-)

LceeL said...

My mother never lied to me. She said, "Don't pick up gum off the street. It'll make you sick." She was right.

Courtney said...

Wow, people are backing you up left and right. I never thought about the ice cream man lie, I'm going to use that sometime.

laurie said...

Ummm..they don't count if a) you are telling your kids something to maintain order and b) they don't know any better...right? Right?!?!?!

Crystal D said...

Those are great!! Yes, I might have to borrow those very smart facts. My mom told me that if I left Silly Putty out of the egg it would disappear over night and if I played with my belly button it would come untied and I would disappear.
I tell my kids that "I know everything" and I can "see from the back of my head." Madeline loves testing these things out. Unfortunately that means I can't say "I don't know."

Crystal D said...

Oh and I also tell them that I will "sell them to the circus" where their jobs will be to shovel elephant poo and that I will also send them the military school and they will have to march all day instead of play.

Mandy said...

Yeah my Mom lied to me as well.

According to her, eating eggplants were supposed to make my boobs grow. It sure didn't work. However having kids helped. :)

Even though I know the truth about eggplants I still say the same to my daughter. ;)

Stephanie said...

HA!! Good thing an ice cream truck hasn't found its way to my neighborhood yet! And yes, you're having a very lucky strike...well, maybe the mini van people weren't, but for explanations sake, way to go you! ;oD

The Diva's Thoughts said...

You ARE on a lucky streak here. lol

momof3crazykids-Val said...

You are so funny! Isn't it the truth there are little lies that need to be told. Luckily, we don't have ice cream trucks that come through our neighborhood.

Colleen said...

Luhve it - I have the same "rules" but haven't had any evidence to date that they are true. Now when my 3yo asks, I'll direct him to your blog as my source. :O)

Don Mills Diva said...

Can you provide proof that french fries are yucky?

Please.

Krystyn said...

So glad that it's working out! I hope the trend continues.

Eve Grey said...

Yeah, i um, lie to my kids to get them to behave too. I told them that if they don't wear their seatbelts and a policeman sees us I'll go to jail. Kinda backfired when one day in a crowded parking lot, I asked them to buckle themselves up and Jack shouted out authoritatively in his deep baritone..."YAH MOMMY. OR ELSE YOU'LL GO JAIL RIGHT?!"

Christine said...

oh yes- I'm a liar too. "You have to be 12 to go to Sunsplash". that's my latest....

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Our soda saying-- it makes you grow, just not up and down ;)

My big one is you are only as pretty as your teeth--I must say that every day, really. Lord help me if we meet a real super model who doesn't floss :0

PS--My other lie is fast food is POISON. This was lucky for me when daddy got food poisoning. They will not touch the stuff now (seriously I did a post on it)

Marmarbug said...

Oh my god! I am lol at the minivan deal. I lie all the time to Bean. SO FAR it has worked.
Oh and I hate the ice cream man.

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

When you find out what does finally work when the ice cream truck comes around.....please share....Inquiring minds want to know!

Lisa

Tiffany said...

I love it when that works out - I however have been on the opposite streak lately - my kids are "finding me out" left and right!

carrie said...

So true.

I tell my kids that the button next to the OnStar one in the car is the "eject" button and I threaten to push it when they misbehave when I'm driving!

Helen E.M. Wright said...

I was told that I was picking my brain out of me head when picking my nose when I was 4 by my cousin.
Scarred me for life!

Good idea for the ice cream truck!

Grey Street said...

Ok, the other two I understand but the ice cream truck!! I still go running for that when I hear it!! C'mon - give 'em the ice cream truck! It's fun and the memories will last a lifetime!

Tracey said...

You are on a ROLL!!

BusyDad said...

Cracking me up here. We need to put our heads together on that ice cream truck thing!

Funny about the Coke. I just had a conversation yesterday in the car with Fury about it. He is going to be a ring boy at my friend's wedding but he wants to buy a tux instead of rent one. I told him it's not worth buying because he'll just outgrow it in a few months. He said to me "well, why don't you just let me drink Coke then?"

krissy said...

Your so lucky! My lies are followed by my daughter rolling her eyes and telling me she "KNOWS" that I am full of it.

However, I did lie and tell her that I was going to adopt a child soon if she didn't get over her "only child syndrome" and I think i have her packing her bags. LOL!!!

And yes my dear friend, I did flash a trucker. It was nothing new to me!

Hugs!

Ms. Porter said...

hey those aren't lies!!!

Amy said...

Oh the ice cream truck. That is a brilliant idea!

The 5 Bickies said...

I love it...the ice cream truck plays music when sold out! You are very clever Oh Mommy!

Allison Says said...

Haha! Don't you love it when stuff like that happens? (Not that it's great that a van tipped over or anything, of course.)

I love that you found all of those links to the things your mom always said, too. Excellent!

Memaw's memories said...

I watched a move called 'Lies My Mother Told Me' on Saturday. It wasn't pretty nor did it have a happy ending.

Keep those lie harmless.

Nap Warden said...

Good luck with the ice cream truck...I don't know if that one is going to work for you!

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

I love it!
One time Ladybug was freaking out in the car over some tiny injury, maybe a paper cut or something. I told her I was rushing her to the hospital, and then pretended to call 911 on my cell phone. Right then, an ambulance came speeding around the corner, lights & sirens blaring! It was so perfect.

THopgood said...

My kids are now getting to the age that my little lies aren't working. They've caught on.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

I love it when kids Observe Outloud.

LdybugSammi said...

I am always telling my daughter that places are closed (ie toy store, McD's, park) when we dont have time, or money, to stop. She's starting to catch on though and says she'll wait. HAHA!

Tena said...

I am so going to use your ice cream truck theory, that is super clever!! HA HA HA

mommynotes said...

So true! Maybe I am short b/c I drink soda? My children are both tall girls and they don't drink it. Does coffee stunt your growth too?

I love this post!

Karen MEG said...

That last lie is a good one; nothing wrong with little white lies as long as it's good for you ... I meant them (JK ;).

You are too cute!

Debo88 said...

Your blog keeps me in stitches! Keep up the fun.....

Rach (Mommy Learns to Blog) said...

Seriously, 2 out of 3 ain't bad! If you've got any more wisdom, feel free to send it my way!!

Marcy - The Glamorous Life! said...

ISn't it great when the universe totally has your back like that? Making you look smart and wise in front of your kids...you gotta love that!

Lindsay said...

Oh - LOVE your lie about the ice cream man and I will be adding that to my list as well! Don't you love the one "if you keep your face like that it'll stick after a while..." sure mom, thanks....so THAT'S why I look the way I do!

Blessings From Above said...

The one about bundling up or you'll catch a cold has always been a pet peeve of mine. And, I still hear it. All. The. Time.

Let us know if the little white lie about the ice-cream truck works. I could use that one!

Huckdoll said...

Ooooh, you are so cute....the bad energy will make the car flip...that is the most hilarious thing I've heard!!

Steph said...

ok my mama never told me the nostril one but I am going to use it because I have a professional nose picker in the making and it drive me bonkers!!!!!

Rachel said...

I've heard the nose one, and the carrot one but not the soda one.

How lucky you are ;-)
This did not show up in my reader at all. What the heck is going on.
I am not ignoring you! Promise!!
Hugs and Kisses!!

Jill said...

Hello OHMommy! I've been wanting to write but haven't had the time!

I wish I could bottle whatever you do with your kids to get them to listen - and believe you. Apparently our listening ears were left at the airport with my bag... it's so frustrating!

I hope all is well with you. I haven't had a chance to read through any posts this week, so I'll look forward to catching up soon. :)

krissy said...

I thought of you today. I told another lie....and I thought of you!!!!

I told my daughter that if she says my name too many times I will cut my ears off! Seriously, I have heard "MOM" like 40X's today.

Although that may not be a lie because I'm considering it. :-)

Gotta love my preteenager......

XO

Kelley said...

Girl, that stoppid icecream truck has been circling my house all week.

It is the middle of WINTER!

My kids don't ask for it. I told them he was just advertising icecream.

anti-supermom said...

I'm lucky in the Henry doesn't like ice cream, that tune mean nothing in his world.

Little lies. Don't all mothers have to do it, sometimes.

Beth said...

Trust me, I have a 12 year old son... I LIE all the time!!! :)

Kathryn said...

You are too funny!
Just today, on the way back from up north (a three hour car ride!!!) I told the boys that if they don't settle down daddy might accidentally drive off the road.
Nice. ;)

April said...

"Mother always knows" was my mom's favorite. And has turned into mine :)

Desiree said...

@Kash my mother STILL says things like "god'll getcha" if I stub my toe or drop something and it breaks. Some things never change :)

Ashley said...

Heh...we don't have ice cream trucks out here. Guess you could always try paying off the ice cream man...

Ashley (bosssanders.com)

Maggie, Dammit said...

HA!

Here's mine: I always told my oldest that those gumball machines were filled with dog treats. I didn't realize she still believed me until I overheard her telling my youngest. Felt like a complete dolt.

But honestly, aren't you glad you don't have huge nostrils now?

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

I hate lying - from my kids. From adults. Seriously, I have a no tolerance policy on lying. Why, then, do I do these same things?

KEEP BELIEVING

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I love the lies. They all eventually can be "proven" somehow. And, if you want book suggestions, lemme know.

Allikaye's Mama said...

Hi! I love your blog! And I am totally gonna use the ice cream truck one! Funny!

Jaina said...

Haha, just nature's way of telling you you're right? Glad it's working!

LaskiGal said...

Writing all this down . . .

I have a feeling I'm gonna need each and every one of them.

As for the ice cream truck. Maybe I can convince J it has nothing to do with actual ice cream. That it is just a music truck. Oh, but the big ice cream cone on top might just give it away. Dang it.

Elaine A. said...

Wow, you are on a lying... I mean LUCKY streak! HA!

I am SO using that nostril thing.

The Girl Next Door said...

I just found you today - and quickly "favorited" you (is that a word?!) this post is hilarious and hits oh so close to home.

And Mom? Eating a whole jar of marachino cherries will not kill you...liar...

Clare said...

ohmommy you are so cute! things I need to remember as bradley gets older! XO, Clare

 

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