Tuesday, September 02, 2008

The post I wasn't going to post.

I wasn't going to do it.

I vowed that I would not even blog about it. The obligatory post about the first day of elementary school for your first born child.

I promised myself I wouldn't.

Because. It turns out that it is not such a big deal. In all honesty, both Jay and I are happy. More so, we have been excited for a long time. We read through the entire hot lunch calendar, drove the bus route, walked the halls of school, met the teacher, memorized his full-day schedule, and we are ready.

The thought of having one out of three children in school full time put a rather large smile on my face. Secretly, I have been doing a happy dance of joy for some days now. I don't have to feed him lunch or guide him to the bathroom. I don't have to arrange day time play dates to keep him busy or visit the library for the gazillionth time out of pure boredom. I have one less hand to hold when running errands. This is all very good. He is a big boy and will be on his own at school. I am happy. I am soooo ready for this.

Last year this time, I was sick to my stomach wondering if we made the right choice by redshirting Jay. Our school district deemed him ready to start kindergarten based on his birthday. I held him back to grow emotionally ready for school. I mean, he is going to spend the next 21 years in school before his Harvard medical school residency in brain surgery or his MIT internship in biomedical engineering. Or both! We did not hurry our sensitive son off to school. I wanted him to LOVE learning and to LOVE school and I wanted him to be CONFIDENT. He needed to grow a little more before I deemed him ready.

He is all of those things today. He is ready for school. He is excited. He is happy.

And. I thought I was too. I thought I was ready, excited, and happy. Until I was flipping through 5,000 pictures this weekend and stumbled across this....


First day of preschool 2005.



Kindergarten orientation 2008.


And dear God, my heart skipped a beat and the room closed in on me and I was finding it rather hard to breath.

Please excuse me today, while I cry in the fetal position and gently rock myself to sleep while he is gone. Without me. All day long. Without me.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the bus. THE bus!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Why do you have to grow so fast?" I asked Jay the night before his first day as I held up his baby sock to measure against his six year old foot. I know, what other mom pulls out baby socks the night before kindergarten? Right? I am sick. "Mama, start feeding me junk food and I will slow down."

I am seriously considering only feeding him junk from now on and hope he is right. Resuming my fetal position now.

Waaa....

76classy comments:

Melissa said...

I'm so feeling you on this. 1st grade on Thursday....we can cry together!!

Hang in there, Mom!

April said...

OHMommy, you're allowed to fall apart a little. You'll be back to being happy about it by Thursday! You're so cute, going thru the hot lunch menu together...

C and C Mommy said...

Let me just tell you...it doesn't get any easier. I cried the first day of 1st grade and I feel confident that I will continue doing that each year. I keep asking Cheney, "Can you just stay 6 forever?" He looks at me and rolls his eyes saying "Mom, that would be embarrassing." I used to laugh at my mom when I pulled out of the driveway to head back to college--she was crying. Now, I totally get it!!

Good luck!! He will LOVE it!!

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

I think there are a lot of Mommies out here feeling exactly the same way...

What a come back..."Feed me junk food"....I love it....he is one smart kid!

Our first day is tomorrow....I still get nervous for him and he is 5th grade...help me!!

Don Mills Diva said...

I am sooo glad I don't hav to worry about this yet!

jewels said...

I want to cry just looking at the comparison of those two pictures!
I hate to admit this, but it will be harder on you than on him.

I cried everyday for a couple months when my daughter had to take the bus last year. She was only in kindergarten and I thought it was so cruel to make kindergarteners ride the bus. My daughter would sometimes roll her eyes at me when I would cry....and she is a sensitive one too.

I can't wait to hear what Jay thinks of school! Good luck, Mom!

Irene said...

Oh I know exactly what you mean. EXACTLY. My oldest has a birthday in October, so she was almost 6 when she started Kindergarten. My youngest has a birthday in late June. I am already planning on holding her back. Just like you, I feel they have their whole life to be in school and/or work. They only get a few years as our babies.

This year, first grade, is a bit easier. She is so excited about seeing her friends again that it is hard to be too sad.

BTW, I LOVE those photos! He is such a cutie!

justmiss said...

*huggy hug* Its ok babe.

Shanna said...

Awww what a sweet looking guy!!

Just wait until you have an 8th grader on your hands that doesn't want you to rock him anymore (okay he hasn't wanted me to do that for years now maybe even 10 but that's not the point)

They grow up too fast!!

beth said...

I was the same way last year with preschool- I spent the summer looking forward to a break for myself and wonderful experiences for my big girl. I was confident that she would thrive. I looked forward to some peaceful time with just one baby.

Then she was actually gone and I panicked. She was fine but I was totally unprepared.

I anticipate being a complete mess when my "baby" goes off to school.

Elaine A. said...

It's SO bittersweet, isn't it? I will be a puddle on the floor like this next year at this time...

krissy said...

Yep..it sucks. I hate it. Every.single.year.

Hate it!!!!!

But after a week it gets so much better. And then as I push her off to school and I have the whole day to do things that don't involve entertaining her....it gets even better yet. You will see. I promise.

vickypad said...

Sorry, I don't know you but i cried with you. I feel the same way. He's adorable. Mine started last Monday.

Flea said...

Bwahaha! Jay's a smart kid, pulling the junk food angle. :) You'll be okay, OHmommy. He's going to have a great year. So are you!

Immoral Matriarch said...

I know it must suck. So badly. :( But don't cry! That makes me cry!

lattemommy said...

Oh my. The difference between those two pictures! I can totally see why you started to tear up!!! He's so grown up looking, so confident! You certainly made the right choice in waiting a year for him to start school. Look how excited he looks - you should be proud.

Have fun tomorrow on your first full day at home with just the girls!

Amy said...

AWW! How cute is he? You and he are both gonna love it! When you really lose it is when your last starts school. I have a whole year to prepard for K starting kindergarten. Not sure if that's long enough, I was such a wreck when she started preschool.

Rhea said...

Junk food to slow down his growing. That's pretty funny. What a cutie! And, yes, you are torturing yourself with the baby socks.

But, congrats on his first day, and I'm so glad he was happy and secure and ready for his school adventure. Learning with him will be so much fun. I love going through school again with my kids...except when the plethora of "parent" projects start tumbling in...

Ms. Porter said...

I feel you too my dear. My first born is off to SK and my baby will be starting preschool. I just gave birth to them...like I just gave birth to them...how can this be????

LaskiGal said...

All these moms letting go of their "babies"--it is killing me.

First day of school stories take on a whole new meaning nowadays . . .

But, imagine the adventures he'll have and the stories he'll be telling you. You'll be hanging on his every word . . .

Beth said...

I feel your pain!! Except mine started middle school this year and I am still crying about it almost a month later. We love girls and stuff. Ugh!! Everytime I send them off I think I should homeschool then they would never leave...however I so know that isn't realistic!! Ha!! Good luck and you CAN do this!!!

Nap Warden said...

Miss Peach is going to preschool and I'm freaking out...regular school, no way! I'd be a mess:P

Rachel said...

Awe punkin'

Big fat loves and next year, I'll be there. Will you hold me?

Goodness he's grown into such a handsome young man.

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM said...

OMGosh, he looks so little-bitty in the 2005 picture!
You will both be ok.
xoxo

carrie said...

Growing up is so hard to do.

But you will do it fine, both of you!

Congrats on Big Kid school J!

Cecily R said...

I really thought it would be easier for me this year...but I was a mini basket case. AGain.

And I can't believe how big he's gotten in just a few years...he should know by now that growing up just isn't allowed. At all.

Kash said...

He looks SOOO confident on his first day of school. A mother always knows best.

vic said...

I am so gonna be the same on Friday when it's the boy's first day. In fact, I might start crying already and join you.

Ellyn said...

It's so funny you post this today. I posted something similar today. My little man starts preschool in two weeks. I am not ready either. Great to know it doesn't get easier when he starts kindergarten.

Krystyn said...

Poor OHmommy! I'm scared for this day! You're allowed to be a little emotional, right?

And, I love Jay's comment to feed him junk food. What a smarty-pants.

Jessica said...

Happy 1st day of school! It is an accomplishment for you as well! Get your special post-1st-day-of-school snack ready :)

Kel said...

It is an exciting and miserable time all rolled into one. One minute you think it is forever away and the next you are staring it in the face...we all face it sooner or later and you too will get thru it. It's like you said, he is ready, you did what a good mother should, prepared him for whats ahead.
~K

Mandy said...

It is definitely a bittersweet that's for sure!!! I've been there with the oldest one and she is now in 8th grade. That was almost as bad as the first day of kindergarten. This is her last year in middle school.

I will probably cry next year for the high school venture as well.

My youngest one will be in kindergarten in three years and I already want to cry. I'm not normally a crier, but when it comes to kid stuff it gets to me.

Hang in there. It IS a major adjustment, but it gets to be just another routine really quick.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

I am so annoyed with myself right now, I saw this post while surfing the internet late, late at night and I could have commented and done that cheeseball 'FIRST!'. Anywho, Jay has grown approx. 6 feet in between his pictures, or perhaps you have gone photoshop crazy?

Kate said...

It is a huge day...and I have to say my heart aches a little already...and my palms a little sweaty just reading about hot lunch menus and school busses.

Off to feed the child some gummy bears and other high fructose somethings...

Seriously....you've prepared him well...and he looks confident and ready to love learning...let the Harvard dynasty begin...

Kate

Kelly said...

It doesn't get any easier. Mine went into 1st and 4th this year and I just can't stand that they are growing so fast. When my baby starts preschool next year, I'll be a mess.

What will going to college be like??? Ugh.

Naomi said...

Ditto the "first day of school, after-the-bus-drops-him-off snack"

We had a picnic snack waiting for him at the end of the driveway and it was ever so much fun to hit record on the video camera and just enjoy listening to him talk.

Of course, all we heard about was how much fun the bus ride was!

Those pics ... the comparison of him ... are darling.

Indy said...

A tear is forming in my eye just seeing the pics. I can't wait to hear all about his new school.

Tiaras & Tantrums said...

oh, I KNOW!
I miss my son so much!!
BUT he is loving 1st grade sooo much!!!

LceeL said...

Stay focused. Stay alert. Soon enough, and I mean SOON enough, he'll be graduating High School and headed off to college and you will say - I promise you, you WILL say - Where did the time go? Just yesterday I sent you off to Kindergarten.

It goes by that quick. Just ask your Mom.

Tracey said...

:( I don't think there is a single mother out there that doesn't feel the same way. I continually push on my kids' heads and tell them I'm trying to slow down their growing up.

Hasn't worked yet, as my eldest is almost as tall as I am...

renatamic said...

preschool 2005 pic is so little baby jay!! congrats to him on becoming big boy jay in oreintation 2008. great for him, not so good for you. thinking of you!!! mwah!

Nan Patience said...

It was good of you to hold your son back a year so he could be ready. Boys, I'm told, especially need that extra developmental time. He looks ready to me!

Crystal D said...

How could you NOT write this post. He looks amazing and so confident. I love that he is trying to negotiate more junk food in exchange for not growing. Ugh what a smart boy.

EatPlayLove said...

what precious photos. It's amazing how time flies!

Courtney said...

Hang in there, it's good really. Now just remind me of these words next year when I am crying as my first born goes off to school please.

Autumn said...

I'm crying with you today. My son started Kindergarten this morning. He was fine, I got in my car and bawled.

crunchiemummy said...

Awwwwww -- it is such a hard yet proud day for a mummy isn't it?

Marie around the World said...

That's ok ! This morning was my youngest (but only 2nd child) first day of preschool and I ask my husband if I could home-school until he's 6 !!
He made it trough the day and so do I ! Let's see who's happy on Thursday...surely you and your girls !

Ali said...

i'ts too fast. it's going by TOO fast.
i also pulled up old first day of school photos and i almost died and how much my bunnies have grown!

Kim said...

I am going to lose it the day my oldest starts school.. and I love that you redshirted him.. I know so many moms that did not and regreted it..

of course the pictures are adorable.. he is such a good looking kid..

Jogging In Circles

Stephanie said...

Hang in there! You could always homeschool, ha! I'm homeschooling, so I guess I won't be having the obligatory first day of school post...kinda makes me sad since I'm with you on the "one less" idea. I won't be one less until they're in college! ;oD

Jennifer said...

My Landree started preschool today. She didn't even look back-sad for me great for her. Hope he has a great first day!

mommynotes said...

I cried the whole summer before Sarah started Kindergarten. She did well. A little adjustment issues in the beginning but first grade has gone better than expected.

We have the same issues about my youngest. Our schools start first of August and she will still be four so we are considering holding her back. I have heard from teachers who say "it is the difference between a leader of the class and lagging behind." Bravo for your decision. It is a decision only each family can make based on their individual child. I have seen moms send their kids on and they did well and moms that sent them on and they regretted it wishing they had held them back. My birthday was also on the line. My parents sent me on and I ended up repeating the first grade twice. It was the best thing for me. No one knew either because I was placed in a new school the year I had to repeat then went on to private school. I never would have met my husband or best friend had I not been held back. Love the post!

Insane Mama said...

I cried when my oldest started school, she is now almost 17! The two middle kids...no big deal, but my youngest?? I begged the administration to hold her back a year. I'm having a hard time with the youngest

Eve Grey said...

My youngest started Grade 1 today & knowing they are the last makes it soooo much worse. Wait til Fifi goes!!!

P said...

It's gut-wrenching, I know. But, please, take my advice NOW ... do not pull those pictures out when he is 13, 14 and in junior high, sleeps until noon, makes his own cereal ... you may never get up from that fetal position again!

Jill said...

I'm so glad I'm not alone here... I cried too... big time.

The Diva's Thoughts said...

They do grow so darn fast!!

Elisa said...

I think we all feel that way. especially about the bus!!

My daughter is 9, today was the first day of the new school year for her, and I actually took her to the bus stop. which was the same as last year. and the year before. but still.

April said...

Holy CRAP! He shot up like a weed! What a little sweetie!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

This is the downside of our job--and if they didn't grow up, we'd be really crappy moms ;)

It gets better....but the first day is always hard :(

3 Peanuts said...

I know those mixed emotions SO well. I felt them with each kiddo. Kate starts Mother's Day Out two mornings a week on Thursday and I HAVE to keep a brave face but I will come home and cry (if i am not peeking in the windows of the pre-school:)

Jay is so cute.

Kim

Tootsie Farklepants said...

When my little brother was about 6 years old my mother made him promise he'd stop growing. He broke the promise.

Big hugs OHMommy!!!

THopgood said...

And as you cry your first born off to school...

I am giggling with glee that my LAST born is now in all day kindergarten.

Come on over tomorrow morning for a cup of coffee...you can cry while I giggle and we'll all be happy and merry.

CC said...

The Flash starts K next Tuesday.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Karen MEG said...

Sweetie... this is me TODAY!!!

Wow, J is such a big boy. Mind you, little G is only 3 (they have optional Junior K here, and the girlie is born late in the year, but she is soooo ready - me not so much).

Of course you had to post this, for us all to cry with you ;)

(((hugs)))

Rach (Mommy Learns to Blog) said...

Of course you needed to post this! I have been going on and on about the first day of preschool for a week now!

He is so adorable - and it's totally ok for you to be a little sad that your boy is growing up.

No one ever told us how bittersweet Mommyhood is!

Rach (Mommy Learns to Blog) said...

BTW, does he go to a school where he wears a uniform? I couldn't help but notice that his outfit looks identical, except for his shoes!

Coincidence???

the planet of janet said...

oh my. what a difference a few years make.

my youngest child started high school last week. i thought my heart would burst -- from the pain of letting her go and the pride of knowing she was ready.

*sob*

Scary Mommy said...

Love the junk food comment- smart kid! And those pictures are so cute together- it does fly by, huh? :(

Burgh Baby said...

I hate looking at similar photos taken years apart. It makes me all sobby every.single.time.

I do love that he still digs grey backpacks. Consistency is the key to making it all the way through med school!

Karen said...

Cry away. It's a moms' privilege. And when you're ready to enjoy one less kid at home you'll be loving the girl-time you've got.

I'm glad he was excited to start. He looks so happy!

Allison Says said...

Aww! Man, reading all of these posts about the first day of preschool is making me dread that day...fortunately it's years away for me, still!

He's such a cutie. What a cute big boy with his handsome outfit and backpack!

just jamie said...

Okay. I need another baby. Stat.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

But when they are so ready, it means you have done your job well. Parenting is all about forcing them to grow up - sometimes when they don't want to, but moreso, when YOU dont want them to.

KEEP BELIEVING

 

Blog Designed by: NW Designs

Original Header and Concept by: Judith Shakes