Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Missed Connections

To the cute mom in a black velour jumpsuit and awesome Puma ballet flats at Target on 11-6-08:

When I asked out loud, "Anyone shopping for a toddler" while Fifi was demonstrating how to execute a back bend in the cart while simultaneously screeching for her dear life. You made me smile. "Trade you two teenagers for a toddler" was not only hysterical and witty it really made me appreciate Fifi's flexibility and vocal chords and more importantly all her toddlerisms. Thank you for that.



To the man in the elevator at Hopkins Airport on 11-10-08 carrying a Louis Vuitton briefcase:

Seriously. Chill out. She's a 21 month old toddler that was eager to skip into the elevator. No need to mutter, "Let the people out first" under your breath in disgust. Of course I had to point out to you that "she's just a toddler" with a smile and naturally you had to respond. "Teach YOUR children" to an exhausted mother of three that has been teaching them all day long, everyday, for the last 70 months. Say please. Say sorry. Wash your hands. Be polite. Stop picking your nose. Teach, teach, teach that is all I do as a mom so excuse me as I allow my toddler to happily skip into an elevator, after an exhausting flight. You should skip. You might like it.



To the white bearded man dressed in a red button down shirt at Whole Foods on 11-11-08:

Thanks for not cutting your beard or cutting down on all the Gouda you were buying. My children assumed you were Santa with your beard and belly. Which just confirmed to them that I do know everything. "See, Santa is always watching. Behave." My children were angels at the grocery store and you saved me a lot of money for I didn't have to rip anything open to keep them quiet which always makes the cashier smile, "Did you open this? And this? This too?" You saved me money, pride, and sanity.




To the person that finds a pink Stride Rite sneaker toddler size 5 in front of Northbrook's Neiman Marcus:

Toss it. Don't feel bad. And, more importantly do not lift it anywhere near your face because the shoe of the third child that runs around sans socks, stinks a little. I am secretly glad they are lost because it's no secret that I love shoes and shoe shopping is one errand that I don't mind. I might even buy her some socks too.


Had any missed connections lately? Humor me.

60classy comments:

Rachel said...

I have missed more than I can remember. But I feel everyone of these and have been there.

Bless you for putting our lives into words and such perfect visuals.

Love you and those kids.

Chef's Widow said...

I think I am having a missed connection with myself. But really here's one:

Hey stepmother, how about instead of sitting in the corner with a scowl on your face at Lou's birthday party you get off your a** and socialize. One more thing. Stop bossing my husband around in front of ppl. That's my job.

the MomBabe said...

Aww, I love that they saw Santa!

thethirddegree said...

I love this idea. I think everyone should skip at least once a day, it makes you feel better ... seriously ... you are right! I love seeing little kids skip because it makes me laugh, most are so uncoordinated when they do it.

Zoeyjane said...

Nothing comes to mind. But I loved seeing the ones you did. I think you should let us into your head more often, like this. :)

Leslie said...

That's hilarious! Love the Whole Foods story, my favorite! Found your blog while blog-hopping, love it!

Kat said...

Always. There are always missed connections. ;)
Lovely post!

Kelley said...

Love it.

And the dude in the elevator. Haemorriods. Painful after having that stick up his butt for so long.

And shoe shopping? *swoon*

Kathleen aka Coffee Mom said...

Elevator guy? Kelley was right- he definitely had a stick up his butt!!

the planet of janet said...

nothing comes to mind here either, but i did enjoy yours...

carrie said...

To my Mother In Law, would it KILL you to at least call 2 of your 5 grandchildren on their birthdays during the last few weeks? I mean, really? How HARD is it to dial the phone from your side-lying position on the couch?

*whew*

I feel much better now, thanks!

And to grumps everywhere, keep it to yourself! Especially when getting into elevators!

Steph said...

Elevator guy needs to be taught how to be a courteous adult, I travel a lot and I have kids so I know an airport is a stressful place for a mom. I go out of my way to smile and even help moms when I am traveling on business, shame on you Elevator guy!

Megryansmom said...

Teach, teach, teach that is all I do as a mom so excuse me as I allow my toddler to happily skip into an elevator, after an exhausting flight. You should skip. You might like it.

TYTYTYTYTY, I woke up with a headache and a little grumpy, it's raining here again and I was GRUMPY! But I came here with my nice hot coffee and read the above statement. TOF is asleep, for at least another hour and when he wakes up we are going to skip, even if it is only in the living room. I might even steal the thought to blog about today, if we stop skipping.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

To my step mom-

When I said, I play dirty I meant it. If you try to cancel Thanksgiving 'on behalf' of Dad, I will-and did-put his grandkids on the phone. And now YOU and Grandpa just signed yourselves up for the Wii AND Ipods for Christmas. He can't let their wittle hearts break can he?

Naomi said...

oh OHM ... brought tears to my eyes today (maybe I'm just a bit pre-Aunt Flo?).

Regardless - it makes me sad that people are so hung up on their stress that the sight of a kidlet SKIPPING can't just make the slightest crack of a smile appear.

LOVE the trade ya two teenagers for the toddler visual!! As I'll be attending a sex ed class with mine this week, I would be SO happy to instead just play dressup with my toddler all day!

Mandy said...

To My In-Laws,

You are both (all if you include sister-in-law) such jerks not seeing or calling your grandchild for the second half of her first year and then again for almost 7 months now. She is 2 1/2 almost and she does not know you. If it is left up to me, she never will. You are all selfish and worthless and to be honest bring more harm to her than good teaching her your crazy ways. She is better off without you all. That goes for my oldest daughter as well. It has been the same amount of time for her, but she does know you and now on her own, does not care for you at all!!!



Thanks for allowing me to vent. This feels good!!!

Anonymous said...

LOVED the post!!!

Stephanie said...

Talk about counting your blessings! Everyone comes into our lives for a reason! ;oD Elevator guy was just a reminder that life isn't just rose petals, it has thorns sometimes, too!

Tracey said...

Awwwww!! I love this post. Sounds like you had a good time this weekend, eh? And at least it wasn't as windy as it could have been...

Hockeyman said...

Hmmm...maybe I should look up once in a while to have a missed connection.

Kel said...

How cute - yes, I will take toddler days over teenage days anytime..
~K

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Oh, I love this post! When I had to use the laundromat :shudder: a man came in that looked just like Santa. I had the youngest convinced that Santa was doing his laundry.
Mine is for my MIL: Why on earth would you have your birthday party on a WEDNESDAY night? Hello, school night? Ugh.

Elizabeth said...

the perfect post... ;-)

Secret Agent Mama said...

To the men at Taco Bell, looking at us all perplexed:

Yes indeed, there are six kids sitting here, and they are being well behaved. BOOYA!

To the lady at Walmart:

I'm sorry your ears are bleeding. He just likes to scream to hear his echo in the coffee aisle.

Desiree Fawn said...

Awe ^_^ Sweet little stories. Thanks for sharing <3

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

This was a great post - here's mine:

Dear high-school-aged checker at the grocery store:
Thanks for smiling politely at my 4yo when he (too loudly) told me you had a really big nose. You were great to "get" my Little Red Riding Hood reference when I told him, "The better to SMELL you with!" Cuz, you know, nothin' like making your kid think of children being eaten when they're acting kinda rotten in the grocery store.

mommynotes said...

I love this post!

To the troll that posted some hurtful and nasty comments on my blog and used my own personal issues against me. You can no longer upset me for I banished you to spam. If you cannot say something nice you should shut up!

To all the people that stare when my child throws a tantrum and gives me dirty looks as if you could control it. Get over it for you must not have had children or don't remember but children do tantrum and it has nothing at all to do with parenting. They could be tired or sick or just out of sorts.

Aww I feel much better now!

Courtney said...

Oh my, glad the lady in Target was so nice and uplifting, some people can be so petty. Like the guy by the elevator.

I have had many encounters like the ones you listed and some I thanked and some I wanted to smack in the head, but I refrained.

Chickadee said...

Here's one from this evening:

To my four-year-old son's martial arts instructor:

Thank you for encouraging my son by placing a piece of yellow electrical tape on his white belt. Now my kid, who is a third the size of the next smaller kid in class, knows that he's doing well since he "earned a stripe". Thanks also for lecturing on the importance of good nutrition and eating what parents serve at dinner. My kiddo willingly scarfed all of his healthy dinner before begging for Halloween candy.

Can you please teach me how to get my kids to listen to me by bribing them with nothing but a piece of tape?

Angela said...

I read this early this morning and loved it and wished I could remember a missed connection!

And then I took my kid to school and went to the NEX, and came home to write about the ridiculous man I saw. And as I finished, I realized, "hey! that was a missed connection!" lol. So mine is posted on my blog! lol

Krystyn said...

I'm sure I've had some..I just don't even remember!

Have fun shoe shopping. Oh, and sock shopping, too!

Jo said...

Great Post! Love it!

jo

Kelly said...

Great post! I loved seeing "Santa", too cute. Glad you guys made it home safely too!

Blessings From Above said...

Cute post!

On Friday, I had an encounter similar to the grumpy man in the elevator. I took my daughter and three friends to eat at Yours Truly. While we were waiting for our table this crabby old lately kept saying out loud to anyone that would listen, that she "pitied whoever ended up sitting next to us." Wouldn't you know it, we ending up sitting in the table right next to hers. As we sat down, she rudely proclaimed that my children better behave during dinner. I was so humiliated and had no idea what to say. The kids were well behaved, but she certainly put a damper on my mood and made me feel self-conscious about the littlest noise coming from our table. As we were leaving, I so wanted to say something to her but didn't. Instead, I had Madison politely go up and tell her "I hope God blesses you" as we left.

Anyways, if I had the courage, what I wanted to tell her is, "IF YOU DO NOT LIKE CHILDREN, DO NOT EAT AT A RESTAURANT THAT CATERS TO KIDS!" Okay, thanks for letting me vent - I feel much better!

Rhea said...

Those are all wonderful missed connections. Loved em. I feel sorry for grumpy people who have to say rude things. They must be miserable inside.

Jarrard said...

I love this and am going to blog about it on my site. Thank you for the idea.

To the gentleman working in my neighbor's yard this morning: Thank you for picking up her recyclables and putting them back in the bin. She wasn't expecting the wind today and was on a business call that she couldn't get off of. We really appreciate your kindness.

Tara R. said...

Yay for the velour mom and her sense of humor and boo-hiss to Louis Vuitton - he needs to lighten up before he strokes out. I'll have to keep track of my connections today. This should be fun.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Congrats on the grocery trip. I know how tough it is to make it without resorting to the bribe. The Prada lady sounds awesome, too.

Don Mills Diva said...

I hope I meet up with your second muxed connection one day soon - he clearly needs a diva-style smackdown.

Asshat.

Lisa said...

Love all of your stories, and the stories in the comment section. Lemme tell you - on a day where I saw EVERY flipping hour of the night and am sitting at home with a toddler who has a double ear infection instead of shopping in downtown Chicago and watching "Wicked", I needed a pick-me-up!

Ellyn said...

To the ederly woman in the drapery department at Target today. Thanks for telling my son he was being a good boy. You made his morning.


The Santa one was very cute.

You should have tripped the guy in the elevator. Not very classy but really satisfying.

Mama Smurf said...

You're so good at this.

I'm still trying to figure out how to handle people like the elevator man.

Missed connection #1: To the woman at the gym who obviously showered and spent hours on her hair and makeup beFORE working out.....why? There are so many other (cleaner) places you could pick up a man. Why the gym? Seriously.

Missed connection #2: to the woman who's family my family is sponsoring for Christmas and I took out for lunch this afternoon....I would have felt a whole lot better about all this had you NOT entered my van smelling like you just smoked a dooby.

Natalie Jane said...

You are my favorite :)

Michelle said...

I love this post!

The White House said...

What a fantastic post! I love it. I just posted on my blog a "missed connection" of sorts. Allowing my oldest, four year old to babysit her brother in the backyard while I was finishing up with lunch. He ended up in his toddler swing in a rainstorm. Oops.

Elaine A. said...

To the lady who cut me off in the parking lot the other day... Oh forget it, that wouldn't be a very nice one... ; )

So glad your kids saw Santa!

UrbanVox said...

To the TB that woke me up at 5am this morning...
I WANNA SLEEEEEEP!

:)

Jaina said...

None that I can recall at the moment. I love the one with the kid swap :)

LceeL said...

To the two little old ladies walking down the bread aisle at Jewel Foods:
It was me. I had a burrito for lunch and they do that to me. If I had known you two were going to get so upset, accusing each other and everything, I might have hung around a little longer. But then, maybe not. Those things do get pretty gross.

Kathy said...

I just posted something on my site which I believe you would love to use - I loved this post!

Kristin said...

Hi! I peek in on your blog periodically, and I have to say, you're one clever blogger;)

enthalpymama said...

Oh, the man at the grocery store who suggested that I buy half a cake. Thank you.

And, the man who apologized for standing in my way at the gas station. My only response was "Oh, you'll have to do something more impressive than that to get me upset." Hilarious.

And, of course, that kind man who stopped and dropped off breakfast for our whole family in the median of the highway when our car broke down. But, of course, Ohmommy had already come and picked up the kids and I so hubby stood there in the median with breakfast for five!!!

Jennifer said...

Loved this post...found your blog through another one.
Mine is, like several others, to my MIL...
When I tell you I plan to get your son a new laptop as a surprise for his birthday, don't have his dad call him and ask him what kind he is getting just to spoil the surprise!!! It's my turn to take care of him for a change!!

Thanks....I could NEVER say that to her!

Amy said...

Skipping is fun! It is my favorite thing to do. My kindergarten teacher named me the best skipper. It is an honor I haven't forgotten.

Nap Warden said...

Yeah, to the woman who "held" the door open for me while I was trying to drag one toddler out the door and trying to stop the other from running out the door...
I am sorry that I was so overwhelmed with my kiddos that I didn't drop everything to thank you. Muttering loud enough for me to hear you "Thanks for nothing" was a really classy move...NOT. You obviously don't have toddlers!

April said...

Oh UGH that elevator man sounds like a jerk! Good for you for standing up for your toddler. People are so rude and impatient! If I was that man in the elevator, I would have smiled to myself at that moment and thought "how sweet".

Kimmylyn said...

The Target women cracked me up..

I love how I got the strongest visuals of each paragraph.how the heck? you are talented mam.. t.a.l.a.n.t.e.d.

Anonymous said...

To the people who keep asking me and my husband of one year when we are going to have a baby: we are trying. It takes longer than you think sometimes and every time you ask me this question I get sad and stressed - neither of which will help. Thanks for your input though.

Robin said...

We have a "Santa" at our local Sam's Club. I love that man.

April said...

I don't know how you manage to remember this stuff while posting. These are the sort of things I think about when I'm nowhere near a computer, and right after I've posted!

 

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