Thursday, November 06, 2008

One volume

Quiet down. Lower your voice. Stop yelling. Hush. Inside voice. Zip it. Words I say to Lola each and every day of her life. The girl is loud.

I have even admitted it a million times on my blog "Lola comes in one volume. Loud." Being loud is part of her personality. Or so I thought.

Turns out that Lola can't hear well.

"Lola isn't a very good listener at circle time." Her preschool teacher pulled me aside one day. "How many times a day does she say WHAT?" My husband asked me over the weekend. "Geez, why is it so loud in your house? Is that Lola?" My brother asked me over the phone. Two mornings ago, I tried to have a conversation with her while she was under her blanket in bed and she had no idea I was standing in the room. I called our ENT doctor that morning.

"My four and a half year old daughter had tubes put in as a toddler. And now, well... I am always screaming to get her attention. I think she might not hear well." I spoke to the receptionist who got us an appointment the very next day.

Turns out that Lola can't hear well.

The fluid in her ears is so severe that she can hear 40% of what I can. The audiologist showed me a chart where it had Lola's results from her hearing test after getting tubes put in her ears years ago, she was near the top. She then showed me the same chart with today's results and the squiggly pathetic line occupied the 40% spot. "I am surprised she can hear you at all."

Turns out that Lola can't hear well.

I keep saying that over and over to myself feeling rather guilty that my mommy instincts didn't pick up on this earlier. When her teacher told me that she wasn't a good listener I called my mother to joke about it. When Lola asked "What?" for the 49th time in one day I yelled, "Can you not hear me talking to you? Is there something wrong with your ears?"

I could dig my own grave with the guilt I feel. However, just like with any problem in life I am going to use it as a lesson learned. I learned my lesson. Listen to your mommy instincts and act.

Lola is scheduled for surgery next week as she undergoes an adenoidectomy (removing swollen adenoids) and another set of ear tubes will be placed in her ears to drain the excessive amount of fluid build up. She might have a swollen throat after wards and she will be able to hear.

Sing. Laugh. Louder. More. Do it again. Louder now. More, Lola, sing some more but this time louder! Words I am going to say to Lola each and every day of her life.

The girl is loud. And she will be able to hear.


And. She wasn't seeking attention as the middle child. Instead, she was trying to tell me something. I need to turn up her volume and listen.

88classy comments:

Desiree Fawn said...

Awe hon -- don't feel bad. At least you recognized it could be her hearing. A childhood friend of mine couldn't hear because of a plastic bead stuck in her ear for YEARS and no one noticed til my mother (who was babysitting her at the time) took her to get it checked out cause she thought her hearing might be bad & whammo it was.
You're a fabulous mom for thinking it could be something more than just a loud little girl :D
She'll be fine -- no guilt!!

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

As a mom of a toddler who 'got better' due to my own mommy instincts, you gave me chills.

We MUST open ourselves to our own instincts and tell ourselves we're not just overreacting. We MUST take control of our kids' health.

I'm so happy for you that she's going to get better. And you have yourself to thank.

Brava, Mama!

Elaine A. said...

Of course you shouldn't beat yourself up.

This reminds me of when I took my baby for his 3-month well check and the doctor asked if he ever turned his head to the right and I said, "well, no actually..." We spent the next 9 months in PT and I felt like a horrible mother for not noticing myself.

In other words, it can happen to any of us, this kind of thing.

You're a great Mom for picking up on it and she's gonna be right as rain very soon! : )

Flea said...

:) Moms all over the world have done the same thing. How many times have you taken a sick kid to the doctor, only to be told, "It's just a virus.? Drives me nuts! So when they really are sick? I keep them home, only to find out a week in that it's something serious. This is normal.

Lola's getting the care she needs. She'll get some extra TLC as a result. All will be well. It's okay, OHmommy.

Jo said...

I love your attitude. Because us Polish Catholics know all about guilt, don't we???? You did awesome mom and your daughter is lucky to have you! So glad to hear that this is something that can be resolved.

Buzki!!!

jo

Clare said...

oh sweet lola! i know that you are having mommy guilt, but how could you know. it sounds like lola has such a big personailty, and you thought that was part of it!! i hope that everything goes well with the surgery, sweet lola, we will be thinking about her:)

Janah said...

I will send good thoughts your way. I know we hate seeing our children suffer even one bit. She will be so happy when this is all over!
My son fell the other day and has a horrible bruise on his cheek. I cringe every time I see it. I don't know what I am going to do if/when it is something major!
Take care! Lots of hugs and smiles to your little girl!

momof3crazykids said...

You know you're a great mom, we all tell you, aren't you listening?
Don't feel guilty. I know I do too sometimes so I understand. But it's kinda like the whole my tummy hurts I don't want to go to school. You make them go and then they vomit everywhere.
Or when your son falls off his bike and you don't take him to the ER until the next day because he couldn't have broken his arm again, oh yea twice in 6 months.

Rhea said...

Hey, at least you acted on it and figured out something was wrong. You have good instincts and you acted on them. Don't feel bad it didn't happen sooner. It could have happened a LOT later.

My younger son is pretty loud too. I wonder if I should have him checked...

Eloise said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. You did take her to the ENT and you are taking care of the issue and restoring her hearing. That means you're a good mom!

My Vivian has also had tubes put in her ears and her adenoids removed. The adenoid surgery was no big deal at all. She wanted a Happy Meal on the way home from the hospital and then insisted on going to school. I hope Lola's procedure is similar.

Thinking of you and Lola and hoping you're both feeling better soon.

Susan said...

Don't beat yourself up! We all have those times when we don't want to overreact, but in response tend to underreact. It happens!
I am so glad to hear that she will be able to hear better, though she will have to go through the discomfort of the surgery.

Mr Lady said...

Oh, god! How scary!

I could fill your comment box with the story of my baby sister, but I'll spare you and your readers. Sufficed to say, I totally know where you're coming from. I'm glad a surgery can fix it!

Noob Mommy said...

I'll be thinkin of you and your Lola as she gets herself all better!

Nap Warden said...

Awe Mom...don't be so hard on yourself:)
So glad to hear she was diagnosed and will be getting the help she needs.
She really is a little cutie!

Kj said...

so glad to hear its fixable! and despite what you may feel at the weak moments of your day & night, remember that mothering is not mothering without the mommy guilt.

guilt is what drives us to become the parents we want to be and guilt is not truly guilt unless it is a response to a malicious and deliberate act (that made sense in my head -- hopefully it'll make sense to you too).

Cecily R said...

You listened. To her and to your mommy instincts when it counted and that's important. She'll do great.

Just as side note: My mom told me that when I got my tubes (my first set at 5) for the same reason, I really struggled with the volume of everyone's voices afterward. Because suddenly I could hear so much better, I thought everyone was yelling at me. It might help to explain that to Lola before the surgery--you know, that no one is mad at her, just that she can hear them again. :)

Kellan said...

Oh, I'm so sorry she is having to go through all this, but so glad they got you in so quickly and were able to identify the problem and will be able to fix it - sheeeew! I will keep you guys in my prayers - she is going to be fine!

Take care - HUGS - Kellan

Renny said...

Feeling guilt seems to be a mommy attribute. No worries, she is a brilliant, vibrant, happy girl. I know everything will turn out great for her and for you!

Leslie said...

Oh, poor thing! Great blog, found you while blog-hopping.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Best wishes through surgery, and what good news to know it can be fixed. Think how sharp she'll be then.

I took my Clark to an ENT specialist to get his hearing checked a couple years ago. I told them, "I just want to find out if his hearing's bad or if he just two." Turned out he was just two. Oh well, I knew it was something. :)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I'm doing the happy "it IS just fluid and nothing permanent" dance! The guilt is not productive so just let it go. Kids don't listen, and most of them can hear just fine, so it's natural to assume that the're just NOT listening!

carrie said...

It's what we do, as mommies: WORRY! And turns out, you were right!

She will be fine, and I hope just as loud as ever after next weeks surgery!

Go Lola Go! You can tell her that the "dot com" wishes her lots of luck! :)

Rachel said...

I'm glad you know what it is now, and what to do for it.

she will be okay. I am so proud of you for following your instincts.

Big hugs to you and Lola. love you darlin'.

Kelley said...

Babe, I told you not to blame yourself and here you are with the blaming.

Stop it.

I have spoken.

And hugs to you my lovely, you know I love you.

AMomTwoBoys said...

Oh, jeez! I went through something similar with my 3 year old.

Don't let the guilt get to you. Lola will be fine, and you'll be more in-tune with what's going on with her.

At least you caught it and did something about it immdiately! That speaks volumes.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

I am amazed that at 2 in morning, you already have double digit comments, will I ever make 'first'?!

Seriously, though-how wonderful for you guys. Wonderful to know what the ish was and that you acted quickly and she will be all better before you know it!!

Laura said...

Do not feel bad...HUGS TO YOU...lots of HUGS.

I am sure with a little medical intervention things will work out just fine.

She will be fine.

Steph said...

Having gone through 6 sets of tubes and two adenoid surgery's for my kids, I know exactly where you are coming from my daughter has scare tissue from the ear infections and fluid over the years. The good news is they do grow out of it. Don't beat yourself up you are a GREAT mom, I wish I could be more like you. Best of luck next week!!

Zoeyjane said...

You are not at fault, to blame, worthy of guilt. Lola is Lola, and she coincidentally has a hearing issue. Not your fault. What you can take credit for is getting her in fast, before something permanent could have happened. Hugs.

Krystyn said...

Try not to be hard on yourself (I know, easier said than done). Your mommy instincts kicked in and you are getting her the help she needs.

I hope the surgery is quick and solves everything. And, of course, she'll enjoy lots of popsicles and ice crea,, right?

Tracey said...

This is NOT YOUR FAULT. You WERE paying attention, which is why she is getting taken care of NOW. This progressed over a few years, I am assuming. And little kids DON'T listen well, and middle children ARE loud and attention seeking (Hi! ME!).

I am so glad that it is something that can be taken care of. That you listened to your instincts and her ears are fixable instead of waiting too long and having permanent damage.

Hugs.

UrbanVox said...

Awww... Poor thing!
It kinda makes me feel guilty now for telling TB to be a lil less loud...
although I know his case IS selective hearing... :)
hope everything gets well soon!

hugs!!

(BTW... come pimp my blog!!! ;))

Megryansmom said...

Mommy always knows best. I'm glad they were able to figure it out so quickly. I'll be thinking of you and sending prayers for Lola. It'll be ok.

LOL @ Jo and the Polish Catholic guilt.

P said...

Sweetie, you're being way too hard on yourself. None of us can raise these kids for 20-odd years without making a mistake. It just can't happen that way. We're just people doing the very best that we can. Ease up on yourself a little. Listen to Lola, turn the TV up real loud for her, talk real loud... and then just hang on until next week and this will all be better.

Kelly said...

Bless her little heart! I'm so glad it's something fixable although I know surgery is always a little scary. Don't let the mommy guilt get ya....you're right lesson learned, move on.

good luck next week

Courtney's World said...

I kinda know what your going through, but in a sister kind of way. My sister was around 4 and would do the same type of stuff and I thought she was just annoying me. Then my parents got her checked out and she had all kinds of stuff going on. She's 17 now and perfectly fine.

At least you know what's wrong now and it's being fixed. Good luck with the surgery.

Indy said...

Don't feel bad. You know after you go all through this, she will still not listen to you. She won't. She will hear you. She just won't listen. Just like Kyle. Do you think they would schedule a buy one get one free surgery for Kyle and Lola?

LceeL said...

You know, being a Mom is hard enough without taking on more guilt than is necessary. You've done what you should do - you noticed and you took her to the Doctor. And it's going to get fixed. Look forward, not back.

Jessica said...

I am so pleased you got an answer! Hugs to Lola. What day next week?

Kel said...

I'm sorry she has to go thru this, but at least you caught it and they can fix it quickly. I know it's hard sometimes to remember we are only human and sometimes we over look the signs, but you did the best you could and are doing the best you know how to know.

I hope she gets better soon!
~K

Hockeyman said...

Poor thing. But kudos to you for seeing it so soon in her life. She will get better and sooner instead of later. Nice job mommy!

Stephanie said...

Don't beat yourself up! A lot of kids are just loud and there was no reason to be concerned! You picked up on it quick enough as i've read that some kids who only have partial hearing aren't discovered until much, much later. We'll be praying for lola, and you have a great attitude about it all! Lesson learned!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

I am a huge believer in mommy instinct! Good for you for going to get it checked and SOLVED!
Do not blame yourself--you DID catch it and you are taking the steps to fix it.

And now she won't shout so much :)

Courtney said...

Sweet, sweet Lola. Don't feel bad OHMommy, you do the best you can every day. You are not perfect just like none of us are. You listened once you figured it out and you are getting her the help she needs.

Nan Patience said...

My son's a pretty good kid, and when I see he's not listening, it's a sign that his ear's plugged up. I didn't always know that, it took me a while to get it. But once I got it, there were days when I sent notes into his teachers to inform them that he has a doctor's appointment, but in the meantime if he's not listening, it's because he can't hear, not that he's being naughty.

Glad everything's going to be fine, although that procedure doesn't sound like fun. My daughter had her tonsils and adenoids out because she had sleep apnea, and that was wayyyy not fun. Again, it took me too long to get that all fixed, too.

Jill said...

Okay... I'm not going to follow in the foot steps of every commenter above me and tell you not to be too hard on yourself.

Instead I will tell you that the adenoidectomy is a piece of cake - however, her voice will change just slightly. It will be an octave higher or so - and when Riley had hers, I found it absolutely adorable.

No pain involved - a quick 15 minutes - in/out of the hospital.

Keep us posted mommy!

BossSanders said...

I'm glad you guys figured out what the problem is and can now go on to fix it. She's one lucky girl to have a mommy like you :)

Mama Smurf said...

Hind-sight is ALWAYS 20/20! Everything always makes perfect sense after the fact. So do NOT beat yourself up with guilt! Think of it this way...you found out the problem before she started kindergarten. Your mommy instincts kicked in before it was too late and before it affected her ability to learn.

You are a good mamma.

daysgoby said...

I am SO GLAD that it turned out to be fixable.

Harray for Lola!

The Daily Stroll said...

Our mommy instincts are very powerful and just so you know - you did listen to them. You realized something was wrong and made an appointment. You are a good Mom! I think about how many moms would have ignored the issue and waited until maybe it was too late! We had a similar situation a few days after Jonah was born where we knew something wasn't right with Jonah's eating and breathing. He had what we called a "snurgle" sound in his lungs and the pediatrician kept saying we were just new parents and those were normal "new baby" sounds. After my husband demanded a chest x-ray it was determined his lungs were filled with fluid. We were admitted immediately through the ER to the hospital and he was finally diagnosed with a swallowing defect and prescribed thickener. We used it for every feeding until he was a year old. Now you would never know the way he eats!! The pediatrician at the hospital said we were lucky to follow our instincts b/c he would have developed pneumonia and he may not have survived being so young! Those were the scariest words I've ever heard. Needless to say we immediately changed pediatricians.

So, it's always good to follow your instincts! :)

Glad to hear that Lola is going to be just fine!!

April said...

Good thing you found it out! :-) Glad she will be in tip-top hearing shape soon!

Jenera said...

Oh man, I went through several years of ear issues similar to that. I could not hear half the time. It is a hard thing to pick up on especially if it's like a gradual thing because it starts out so small-at least for me it did.

April said...

There's a problem, you're finding a solution. Maybe, once it's all said and done, the volume in your house will turn down a bit sometimes :)

Kimmylyn said...

I am sitting in my office with tears in my eyes.. Sometimes life is just so freaking busy that "listening" to your own thoughts gets drowned out by life..

Hugs to you OhMommy..you took the steps you needed to take..

I think we are doomed forever with Mommy Guilt.. but you should not feel bad at all..

Crystal D said...

Trust me, it happens daily, I miss stuff. Amelia will be crazy and getting in trouble every 10 seconds and I'll realized it is 30 mins past nap time. The baby will be screaming and I thought I just fed her, but oh crap that was 3 hours ago. And how come her dress is all wet, did someone spill something on the BABY?!?! Oh, nope that would be because I didn't change her after I fed her the last time. Madeline will be crabby for 3 days before I realize she has a cold and she needs a little extra sleep and cuddling. Amelia will be a GROUCH and a week later I notice a new tooth.
During these misses, I have punished, raised my voice and been frustrated. It is so easy to mistake tooth pain for acting out. Is is easy to dismiss the cold and mark the bad behavior up to bad manners.
But I am learning, it might take me a little while, but I am learning to "read" my kids a little better everyday. By the time they are off to college I might have them figured out. :)

Kat said...

No Mommy Guilt!!!!!!
We all do this all the time. We get so used to the volume or the whining or the complaining that it is only natural to miss the signs sometimes. The point is, you did heed the signs and you are doing something about it.
You are an awesome mom!

Hailey said...

so glad everything turned out ok and once everything is over lola will be able to hear. i will keep you in my prayers. everythings going to be alright. give lola loves from the lafones.

Hailey

anti-supermom said...

She will be on the mend soon! Don't beat yourself up, sometimes we just cannot know everything about our children.

Even if we want to.

Kaci said...

Bless her heart! Don't feel bad!

Angela said...

I'm SO glad it's going to be easily fixed! We have a tendency to second guess ourselves when we think one thing and a doctor says another. We'll all learn to trust our instincts over time! I recently got my lesson in instinct-trusting, you're getting yours. It just appears to be the way things happen!

Good luck with the surgery!!

Every Day Goddess said...

That Catholic guilt just adds to the Mommy guilt. Good job recognizing that she was having issues and getting her checked out. Now everything will be fine and a little extra mommy time for Lola.

Walking With Scissors said...

Don't beat yourself up over it! The important thing is that you figured it out and it can be fixed. The same happened to me, only it was with sleep apnea. I had no idea that my daughter had it - I thought only that she snored. After having her tonsils removed, no more sleep apnea. Whew. And a girlfriend of mine has a daughter who "spaces out" all the time. She thought she was just being a typical kid until her dad suspected it wasn't normal. Turns out that she has epilepsy. This kind of thing happens to everyone. Kudos for listening to your maternal instinct. (((hugs)))

Feener said...

i am so sorry, but so glad you figured it all out. i have often thought of this with my sass, she often asks me to make the tv or radio louder

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

Hindsight is always 20/20...

You are a great Mom...don't beat yourself up over it!

After reading your post yesterday, you had me thinking....I am always saying the same thing to my son...."don't you hear me".....He uses what we like to call selective hearing....I think he learned that from my husband!!

Good news about Lola....she will be hearing every word soon!!

Lisa

Jaina said...

What a relief that she is going to be okay. Don't beat yourself up too much, she is very lucky to have such a wonderful Mama.

Robin said...

I took my 10 year old to the eye doctor. He covered one eye and said, "What chart?" I had no idea he couldn't see!

Oh well, that mother of the year award is overrated anyway.

PS. Later don't hold yourself to tightly to your vow to embrace Lola's loudness. My youngest was nonverbal until four, I swore if he ever spoke I would never tell him to be quiet. uh, well, I didn't quite keep that up. I am still grateful for everything though.

mommynotes said...

Sarah had her adenoids taken out. She still snores but it has cut down on the ear infections and sinus infections. She has a tube still in from three years ago so in March it will have to be surgically removed it is a non-functioning tube. Tubes and adenoids takes about 1 hour to a little more than an hour. It was the most heart wrenching hour. All went ok and by the afternoon she was fine. No bleeding or issues. She could hear again and could whisper. It will be ok. Don't feel guilt. I went almost a year with Sarah having hearing problems and I did not know until the preschool teacher brought it to my attention too. We are keeping you uplifted in prayer!

the MomBabe said...

oh my, she's going to feel SO MUCH better afterwards. Seriously.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I certainly don't think you should feel bad you DID figure it out. That is the most important thing here. And, dote on her like mad next week: flowers, balloons, ice cream. And, tell her how much you love her - when she can really hear it.

Tara R. said...

It's good to have a plan of action and soon Lola will be hearing beautifully. Good luck with the surgery.

Amy said...

Have you checked the score? Three kids, one Mom. I can't believe that you could of acted sooner. Next week Lola will be hearing just fine. My prayers are with you.
[[Hugs]]

Joelle said...

awwww what a sweetie! I have 5 girls & with that comes "stupid things mommy did or didn't do" thats how we learn.
I leanred just like YOUR sharing... LISTEN!
this isn't serious like yours but our first daughter(now 17... GULP!)
well... she kept saying at SEA WORLD... my feet hurt. my feet hurt. over & over. she kept trying to take her shoes off. we would KEEP saying, "no not now honey. later"
we thought she was just tired from walking & the heat so we would pick her up & then keep her from taking her shoes off. when we finally sat down to watch Shamu (the killer whale?)
she took her shoes off & she had SOCKS rolled up inside!!!!!!!
OMG! did we feel like the worst parenst in the world???? she couldn't walk because her feet didn't fit in her new shoes. freakin socks in there. VISIBLE socks not fluid in an ear. goshhhh if we ONLY listened.

mamatulip said...

I've carried the same kind of guilt on my shoulders...I know how you feel.

Our instincts are always right. And you listened to yours. :)

The White House said...

Forget that mommy guilt! You are a wonderful mom- loud and clear... I am glad to know that Lola will have clarity in her hearing again.

And if you still want that pinata to knock out the unwarrented guilt, just let me know!

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Aw, poor girlie!

The good news is she'll be better soon. :-)

Blessings From Above said...

You have no reason to feel guilty. YOU are the one that realized there may be something wrong in the first place. Thanks to YOU, her hearing will be better next week.

Lola really is a cutie. And I have a feeling she'll enjoy all the extra attention that comes with surgery.

Memaw's memories said...

My oldest daughter had fluid on her ears around the age of 8 or 9. She could hear part of the time because the fluid moved. Other times, she heard very little. Since there was also a noisy boy in our house and my voice carries naturally, we didn't notice that she spoke louder at times. Her teacher called it to my attention, and we fixed her. She didn't require surgery or tubes since she was old enough to do a breathing exercise where she put her chin on her chest, thus straightening the tubes that run from your ears to your throat, for normal drainage. She was told to hold her nose and then try to breath through it, keeping her mouth closed tight. It took several times, but eventually her ears popped, opening the eustachian tubes enough that the fluid could begin to drain. She hasn't been the same since.

The other thing I didn't notice about my son was that he had an underbite. A friend mentioned it in casual conversation one day and I was totally taken of guard.

So you are not a bad mother. Sometimes we just don't see the forest for the trees.

Miss said...

Sweetie... I understand your guilt. But give yourself credit for listening. A lot of parents wouldn't have. *hug* (That was my special brand of hug) XO

Immoral Matriarch said...

((HUGS))

The Glamorous Life said...

So happy you got to the bottom of it.
And so glad it isn't well...more serious.

Glad she has you for a mom. Seriously.

CC said...

I am soooo glad you got it checked out!! Have you read this post of mine? It will make a huge difference to take care of this!!

Secret Agent Mama said...

I'm so glad that it's been figured out! ((LOVE))

MamaWise said...

Sending you and Lola lots of love and hugs! Good luck with the surgery next week, and enjoy your time in Chicago this weekend!

XOXO

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

yep - my son had the same problem two years ago - easy surgery!! Best wishes and prayers!

* TONYA * said...

Please don't feel bad. You did do your job as her mother. Well done. I have a VERY LOUD child. There is nothing wrong with his hearing though, it's been tested and proven. He has what is called selective hearing. You can't always know what is going on, especially when they are so young. You did take her to have them checked.

I'll be sending lots of positive thoughts next week for her surgery. Good luck.

BusyDad said...

I saw you mention this via Twitter but I wanted to make sure to read this before I commented so I wouldn't say anything dumb (back in LA now). I think everyone has said it, but it's a lot more likely that a little kid just doesn't want to listen vs isn't able to literally hear. We would all have done the same thing. Best wishes, thoughts, karma and all kinds of luck for the upcoming surgery.

Anonymous said...

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Once you figured it out, you acted and sought treatment. That's a mommy ! A great mommy. Prayers for lola and all of you as you go through this next spell of mommyhood and surgery for your little one. hugs

Doré said...

I just came across your blog. I am totally loving it.
I am glad that you were able to find out what was wrong with your little girl and get it taken care of.
My 15 month old is having the same surgery on Tuesday; adenoidectomy and tubes... I hope he does as well as Lola!

 

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