Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Vanity Fair

Imagine a world where the snow falls for the first time and blankets the prairie. Children wake up excited to slip on new winter boots and wrap themselves in colorful fleece scarfs. They peer out the frosted windows and shout with glee, "It's snowing!" Mothers waltz around preparing breakfast easily influenced by their children's magical moods.

A mother sends her son off to school with a kiss and a hug and stops to appreciate the steady snowfall accumulating on the bare branches of her magnolia trees. Behind the tree the mother notices her two daughters peeking through the dining room window, their gentle breaths fog up the window.

The anxious daughters, already dressed in head-to-toe bubble gum pink, are ready for their weekly ballet class at the conservative preforming arts center. The mother smiles, filled with excessive amounts of pride.

On this magical Monday the entire village glitters. There are no foot prints in the snow and some roads remain un-plowed. Clean. Fresh. The brisk air neutralizes everything. Everything about the first snow fall is serene.

Nothing could dampen the mood of experiencing the simplicity of the first snow fall.

However. On this magical Monday, somewhere east of the Mississippi in a perfect little village, a beautiful blonde girl arrives at her ballet class only to be confronted with terror. The well manicured child with a bow in her hair opens up her ballet bag and shrieks out loud. "Eeewwwww!!!!"


Her formally trained Russian teacher looks onward in disbelief as the child's mother shamelessly pulls out one black Capezio tap shoe from within the bag. She holds it up and the entire waiting room, occupied by several important members of the women's junior league, gasps. Silence. Snow falling in the distance is the only movement felt.

"Hmmm. Just a little dried blueberry yogurt. No biggie. I'll clean it up for next week." The young mother smiles in despair.


The mother gracefully lets the slipper fall back into the bag and reaches for the latest Vanity Fair to avoid further humiliation.

"You missed last week's class."

"Yes. I know." The mother mutters as she's fully aware that the shoe and the yogurt have occupied the ballet bag for two weeks, for she saw the fuzzy mold growing in two separate corners of the tap shoe and made a mental note to never pack portable blueberry yogurt tubes. Ever, again.

And. On this magical Monday, somewhere east of the Mississippi in a perfect little village, a beautiful blonde girl dances barefoot while her mother devours the entire issue of Vanity Fair.

62classy comments:

OHmommy said...

And yes. The mom had to blog about it before cleaning the shoe.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Hearing it from you kind of makes me feel better about the bottom of my bag.

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

Well.. look on the bright side of things-- At least the yogurt was DRY!

Did you get the shoe cleaned? lol

Kimmylyn said...

Did you have to toss the shoes? I would have tossed the shoes..or made my husband clean it.. the smell of old yogurt makes me want to be ill..

And I would have blogged about it first too (and then thrown the shoe out or given to my husband)..lol

Don Mills Diva said...

That's funny.

Mainly because it didn't happen to me.

carrie said...

That blue yogurt has nothing on a banana left in a lunchbox ALL WEEKEND!

It was the grossest of the gross.

4funboys said...

Thou shalt not be jealous...

but I am.

Is that bad??? I'll get over it tomorrow... but for right this second... ummm

momof3crazykids said...

That is pretty gross. Did you get it cleaned up?

Rhea said...

Ok, I just love that you had to blog about it before cleaning it. You totally rock.

Ashley said...

Umm...was it blue?

Krystyn said...

I would have blogged about it, too! And, I would have put off cleaning it for some me time! Good for you.

Now, why is that yogurt blue? That's puzzling to me.

Blessings From Above said...

I love that you blogged about it before you cleaned Lola's shoe!

Okay, is the blue the color of the yogurt or mold?

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

Only a true blogger momma would blog about it before cleaning it...LOL!!!!

This is hysterical....I am sure the shoes will be good as new for next weeks class:)

Lisa

Chelsea said...

You mean those tap shoes didn't come with a protective dust jacket?

Elaine A. said...

Yeah... because I have NEVER done anything like this... no, not me...

Megryansmom said...

Thank you so much, I feel so much better now about my mess. LOL If OHMommy can do it, it's classy :)

Wendi said...

Too funny!

Thank goodness things like that never happen to me...

Ever...

melissa said...

the thing about this story that kills me...is you comment!! for sure you'd have to blog about it before any action was taken. you. are a blogger!!!
xo

Jill said...

That is flipping awesome! It makes me feel so normal... it's something I would totally do... and have - though mine usually causes ants.

Rachel said...

Of COURSE she had to blog about it first. . . .it's all about PRIORITIES!!!

LOL -- that is HILARIOUS!

By the way, we told Lola "Hi" today during our return trip to Home Depot.

the planet of janet said...

not only did she have to blog about it, she had to make sure she took pictures!!!

you are my hero, ohmommy!

just jamie said...

I really think I love you.

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Oh Gogurt, why are you the bane of us mothers' existence?

Smart A$$ Mom said...

Oh, your stories!!! I love them so! I would have loved to see the drama unfold, but *I* wouldn't have made it Ballet or out the door during any, even light, snowfall. As, this quaint yet deplorable mom doesn't have 4X4 on her oversized SUV.

mommynotes said...

I glad other moms go through this. I have left sippy cups full of soy milk in my trunk only to discover it weeks later. Of course the cups were tossed but the shoe are another story. Those suckers are expensive. Pookie is in tap and ballet too. Good luck getting that off especially if it molded ewwww!

mwshores@bellsouth.net

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Never underestimate the importance of Vanity Fair!

mommynotes said...

Oh yeah! I love the way you told this like a fairy tale. You are very creative!

mwshores@bellsouth.net

Naomi said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Oh you have NO idea (gasping for breath) at how much this made me LAUGH!

Flea said...

LOL!!! I'm so proud of you, having your priorities in order. :)

Jessica said...

Ah memories of my own, russian born dance teachers (husband and wife) came rushing back...as well as very early horror memories of "The Good Ship Lollipop" and tap shoes that made my toes bleed....I was probably somewhere between Fifi and Lola's ages....

Kinda in the realm of the poopie disaster onsie....Some things are just meant to be "replaced" and not salvaged.

Stephanie said...

Way to put it off! Beautiful bow in Lola's hair by the way. I make hairbows and sell them on ebay (www.stores.ebay.com/take-a-bow-bowtique), but mine are no where near that cute! Where do you get them?

Kel said...

Awe - poor thing...a blueberry shoe...oh well, the shoe isn't what makes the dancer!
~K

Tracey said...

Ewwww..... At least it was visible before she put her foot into it, right? Can you imagine sliding your foot in and unknowingly getting a toefull of THAT??

and do you have SNOW already???

Nan Patience said...

LOL!

Katie said...

Hee Hee, love that!!

Courtney said...

Everyone has those moments. Don't let those other mothers push you around. OHMommy is a great mommy! (Mold or not!!!)

The 5 Bickies said...

I so wish you were the Mommy sitting next to me in ballet class. I would have had a good laugh with you and we could share magazines!

LceeL said...

Done with grace and elan. A perfectly executed pirouette away from a sticky situation. well done you.

Tara R. said...

*snort* I adore you and your bubble-gum pink ballerinas!

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

funny girl - once the yogurt gets warm in the tube - it swells - thus the burst of blueberry!

Miss said...

There is no one else who could handle a burst Blueberry yogurt tube with such Class.

You are awesome HO.

rn terri said...

That would totally happen to me!!

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Love it. I think that's going to become my new battle cry: "Let them dance barefoot!"

God knows my kids won't keep their socks on anyway!

Spoiled Mommy said...

Haha-sorry-I love it!
I would have done the same thing!

Jaina said...

Sounds magical, minus the blueberry yogurt. But at least she still got to dance. :)

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

Sadly, when I saw Vanity Fair, at first I thought you meant the book - which was horrible. Eh, it's just a little yogurt. It comes with parenting.

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Hope that comes out quickly--when you are done blogging of course ;)

I miss snow right now--my sister just told me about the snow in Ohio and I was a little blue--like the yogurt ;)

The Daily Stroll said...

That is too funny! Great Story! Hearing this makes me feel better after taking my car to have it detailed and having the guys cleaning out the car find a sippy cup that had been stashed under the seat for God knows how long. They so politely sat it in my driver's seat before I left. I will spare you the details of what I found inside after we arrived home and I opened it in the sink! :)

The White House said...

You have such a eloquent way of describing moldy, dried yogurt.

Steph said...

Classy :)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Yogurt happens.
LOL!

Mama Smurf said...

Thank you. Thank you for making me feel a little better about the bag of liquified baby carrots I found under my bed. I can only guess my children left them there during an afternoon of hide and seek...but that's just a guess.

Karen MEG said...

I LURVE these kinds of fairy tales .... mmmmmuahhhhh!

CC said...

ewwwwwwwwww! I think if it were me, I would have "observed" class from Starbucks that day ;)

Rachel said...

HOW did I miss this? How did this not make it on my radar?

You're so fabulous, of course you blogged about it first! Who wouldn't?

I would have giggled and commiserated with you, had I been there.

So did the blue come out? Those yogurt tubes are dangerous.

Lisa said...

dude...that would so happen to me! Love the story ;)

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

What a cute story. Vanity Fair does always make everything better. lol

Jaina said...

Left you a little dash of class over on my blog ;)

UrbanVox said...

a classy exit uh!!!!
:)
did you eveake the eyes off the magazine?????
:)

JCK said...

That last picture of your little girl is just dreamy. So precious.

April said...

And a BIG thank you for this post. You just don't want to know what's been lost and found in the various activity bags. Once it was a cell phone.

Nicole said...

LOL. I would have freaked out. You, on the other hand, make it into a hilarious blog post. Kudos.

 

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