Monday, May 25, 2009

Thank God my parents had the foresight to live in a refugee camp because I rock at motherhood.

So, my five year old daughter, she's going through a little stage dear Gawd, I hope it's a stage that's making me crazy and questioning if she's really mine after all. Which is quite possible seeing that she was the first newborn checked into the hospital nursery every night and last to be picked up in the morning. And she's blond. Stranger things have happened.

Let's cut to the chase. She's in the bratty stage where all she does is cross her arms dramatically, pout, whine and God bless her soul she bitches. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph does she bitch.

"I can't find anything to wear!" She fell to the floor so gracefully it was worth an Oscar, the day after I locked up half her clothes because it took her twenty-nine minutes to get ready in the morning. Yes, she is only five really fifteen. "I need my clothes returned back to me."

"You have plenty of choices."

"But. But.... BUT!!!" Her arms took their trademark place, crisscrossed across her chest, her lower lip quivering in defeat. ".... but."

I looked at her and wondered if I would actually survive mothering a child who tests my faith religiously even before my morning parfait to see her actually turn fifteen. And then what? I did what any desperate mother of a middle child turned dictator would have done. I put on my poker face and threw down my straight flush of guilt cards.

I started. "When I was your age..." Oh. Yes. I did. I became my mother.

Taking my mother's trademark stance of one foot forward and one hand on her hip. I continued. "When I was EXACTLY your age Babcia, Dziadek, Kash, and I had one teeny-tiny suitcase for all of us when we escaped Poland during bad times. We had no closets and not many choices. We slept in one bunk bed, ate from two steel bowls, and had three choices of shirts to wear. One. Two. Three... find something to wear before I take away more clothes."

And you know what? She got dressed. And last week, when I admitted to having a hair argument with her on my Flickr account (which has become a mini daily blog of sorts for me).... well, guess who got a haircut? My little girl brat.

baby steps.


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53classy comments:

Stephanie said...

It's a stage...as long as you nip it now!!! Stages are really just mental tests to push the boundaries. As long as they know you're not going to give in.

But you know that already!!! hope all that complaining of hers goes away real fast!

Just look on the bright side, you get to do it again in what? 2 or 3 years when Fifi comes along? :oD

Tara R. said...

I become a little bit more my own mom every day.

When my daughter was your daughter's age, she had waist length hair and fought me every day to brush it. I told her she had a a choice, either she stop whining about the brushing or I cut her hair off short. We took about 10 inches off, it was glorious.

It is all a stage, she'll probably grow out of it by the time she's oh.... 19.

Elaine A. said...

Oooh, I'm going to have "fun" with a girl, aren't I? I've already bought her 2 pieces of clothing & it's probably going to get crazy before she's even born. Yep, I'm in for it!

And by the way, I see NOTHING wrong with pulling the "when-I-was-your-age" card... ; )

Loukia said...

For sure it is just a stage! I tell myself that everyday with my two boys... "It's just a phase, it'll pass..."

But I think having boys will at least lessen the clothes drama for me! They're too busy climbing trees and squishing bugs with their fingers and freaking me out all day to concern themselves too much with what they're wearing!

So funny that you said that to your daughter... and so AMAZING that it worked! I'm so going to try that soon! ;)

Formerly Gracie said...

Oh dear Lord, is this what I have to look forward too with a girl? My son is bad enough and he doesn't even know how to work a pout... haha!

jen said...

ohmygod, please tell me this is a stage.
because i am right in the middle of the same thing.
and it is complete suckitude.
i want to pull my hair out.
i have become my mother too.

Flea said...

TOO funny! You rock the mommy world! Good for you.

Chiloe said...

My 12 yo has been in his terrible two's since he turned two. Don't think it helps though !!! lol

Sascha said...

Can I just take a moment to express my complete relief for this post?? I too have a five year old and her mantra is 'but, mommy whyyyyyy???' as she proceeds to cross her arms and pout her mouth in such a way that really begs for me to smack it.... I don't, but ohh how i would love to. It's just nice to know that I'm not alone

Sascha
www.bettyconfidential.com

designHER Momma said...

I think it's a stage - a long stage. But when you say "when I was your age", you really mean it. You got a GREAT story!

anya said...

"Oh. Yes. I. Did." - Love it!

Managed Chaos said...

Oh. Yes. I. Did. (too). The stages go in spurts, and I've gone in and out of clothing battles with my 7 1/2 yr. old little girl for years. There's nothing wrong with the card you're playing...I've used it many times with both my kids too ;O)

Managed Chaos said...

Oh. Yes. I. Did. (too). The stages go in spurts, and I've gone in and out of clothing battles with my 7 1/2 yr. old little girl for years. There's nothing wrong with the card you're playing...I've used it many times with both my kids too ;O)

A Crafty Mom said...

I can totally relate - my oldest is the same age (I remember their birthdays were a couple days apart) and he is doing the exact same thing! My husband and I are suddenly at our wits end with him - the attitude is just horrendous.

So, you're not alone, and it seems in our case even boys can be drama queens :)

Kim said...

That little stance is priceless..

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

It is a stage but it lasts a while. My almost 11 year old is better now but she still spends a while getting ready.
My younger daughter LIVES in Hanna play dresses--she has a closet full of them and it all she wears--but then we don't have clothing issues because it is the SAME thing every day ;)
And there is nothing wrong with playing the 'when I was your age' card :)

Mr Lady said...

I can totally hear you counting one, two, three. And it makes me giggle.

Good job, Oh. :)

Rhea said...

You rock motherhood.

And my boys? They'd wear the same underwear and clothes every damn day if I let them. I swear.

Rachel said...

You rock
Pardon me while I fall down laughing.
BEEN THERE and heading through another stage. (Dear Heavens I hope it's a stage. If she sticks this way, I'm putting stamps on her and mailing her somewhere) ;-)

mwah

Kel said...

Oh the joys of having girls...Yes, I've been there and it is a stage as long as you stand firm to your ground. You sound like your doing a good job so just hold strong...remember...this is practice for when they are 15! :) hehe
~K

Aunt Becky said...

Am fairly certain that my eldest has been bitten by the same dramatical bug. And he's either going to end up in Off-Broadway shows or driving me to move to Montana and become a midget transexual.

Not sure how I'm going to manage the midget part, but knowing me, I'll figure it out.

Pu├ža said...

hahahahha is going to be a looong stage..take it easy...

Al_Pal said...

Love it. Great post!
Word on the hair, too--she can grow it long when she's old enough to deal with the brushing and washing!

Ed said...

Can I send my kids to live with you? Just a week. Maybe three days?

Marinka said...

What was the purpose of leaving Poland if your beautiful daughter can't wear whatever she wants?

And don't worry, the stage lasts only about 70 more years. 75, tops.

Krystyn said...

Oh, I feel like we are at that stage, and we aren't even 3!!! Now you are really scaring me. At least you were able to rock the "when I was your age" line!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I can't even think about this...

I was telling a friend that as much as I'm just desperate for my four year old son with delays to start really communicating with me, I am completely exhausted by the CONSTANT COMMUNICATION with my two year old daughter.

Well I always wanted a daughter - so be careful of what you wish for and all...

3 Peanuts said...

O I can see this in my future....I like the way you handled it:)

Karen MEG said...

Geez, we are going through the same thing with a little 4 year old Diva here. I hope it is a stage, I really, really do...
I am so my mother and it is really, really scaring me ;).

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Whew, she sounds like my 8 year old. That girl is going to drive me to drink! More. heh

Jessica said...

I used to swear that I would never be my mom. Alas, I am constantly telling Hailey to put on a happy face. That is straight from my mom's selection of sayings.

The Secret Beauty Blogger said...

Love the post, really made me smile...I've given you a Lovely Blog Award by the way!

http://secretbeautyblogger.blogspot.com/2009/05/im-award-winner-hooray.html

Lisa said...

oh. my.

lucky for her she's so beautiful!!!

Nap Warden said...

Miss Peach is in the same place...drives me nuts. Mostly because half the time I'm losing:O

Crystal D said...

Ugh these "stages" are enough to make a lady take up happy hour and some days happy hour needs to be noon.
I like to tell myself that this "strong will" will be a very good thing when she is in a board room in 30 years.

Amy said...

I only read a few comments but they all said it's just a stage.

It is not just a stage.

My daughter (20), who works in a clothing boutique and I never see her in the same thing twice, will come and go through my closet because she has "nothing to wear."

It.will.never.end.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

She'll gow out of it... I hope. lol

Kari said...

I fear that will be me and my girls in NO TIME! Charlotte already gives her opinion about what she wears. I will have to pull out the MOM CARD too!

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

The 3yo in my house (I'm not claiming her at the moment) acts the same way.

I was hoping it would change once she turns 4, but I'm losing all hope based on your #2. Damn you.

Side note: Best-written post in a while - you sound good. :)

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

Man... I don't have anything that good to say to my 10 year old stepdaughter. Can you call her for me and tell her your story?!?!? Because "I said so..." doesn't have the same ring to it.

mpotter said...

this? this is why i'm fearing that i have a daughter.
was very excited to find out in the delivery room.
my first thought was: yippee.
my second was: oh NO.

i hope it's a stage!
good luck.

Jaina said...

Haha, nicely done! My cousin has a cute little wood plaque up on her bedroom wall that had me in stitches this weekend. It says "Mirror mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all." ;)

Every Day Goddess said...

Drama and girl go together I have found. I would like to say it is a stage, but if so we have not made it out at 10 yrs old yet. Still hoping that my will power will be able to outlast hers, it is still in question many days!

Cecily R said...

Gracie doesn't complain about not having anything to wear...she just insists on changing 346 times a day. The world is a stage...and apparently a fashion show.

I love LOVE how you handled your little beauty. If only we knew these things would still work in about 12 years...

Marissa DeSantis said...

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Your blog is really cool--I love your sense of humor.

I hope you don't mind if I add a link to my video in your comments. All you Classy Chaos readers are welcome to view my Positively Cleveland video and rate it, after you give five stars to this lovely lady, of course...

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I hope we make it to the finals!

Smart A$$ Mom said...

Missy B ROLLED.HER.EYES. at me -IN FRONT of my friends- this weekend while away. IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS WITH TODDLERS. YOU KNOW what they think of tweens?!?!?! Ugh.

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

Glad ur rockin' the mommy world!!

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♥spoiled mommy♥ said...

Aww-its only just begun!
I have a 3 yr. old who acts just like my 14 1/2 year old...ohits so much fun. :/

Missives From Suburbia said...

Oh... she's breathtaking! Uh... oh. Sorry. I got distracted there for a minute.

THIS is why I was afraid of having a girl. This kind of stuff, right there. Crap. Now it's too late. Keep me posted. I need to know how this turns out, no matter how long it takes to turn out. You've got almost five years on me with her, so I'll be looking to you for coaching!

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Do you think Mothers feel they've succeeded once we become them? Or are they like "OH MY GOD SHE SOUNDS LIKE ME?!?!?"

;-) I'm sending you patience...my little boys *still* don't care about what they wear!

Blessings From Above said...

Yes, it's a stage - that shold be over by the time she's 15! Good luck...she is a sassy one!!!

the mama bird diaries said...

I now let my 4 1/2 year old pick out all her own clothes when we go shopping and she still can't find anything to wear. Sigh.. It takes her FOREVER to get dressed.

toddlerplanet said...

Wow. Boys don't seem to care what they wear. Mine pick a shirt from the top drawer, pants from the bottom, and never seem to pause along the way....

 

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