Thursday, May 07, 2009

A way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Or at least, that's what I keep repeating to myself.

Jay, the kindergartner, came home with strict instructions for me not to look into his backpack. Naturally, as the over anxious and neurotic mother, I played out my role and did the unthinkable. As soon as he was counting sheep I ripped it opened.

Inside was a plump manila envelope, wrapped in a computer printout, addressed to me:


I did not open the contents. The packaging itself, a very minimalistic and primitive drawing of a "ces brgr" (cheese burger) calmed my curiosity, which was thinking of the worst case scenario.... expulsion from taking his business underground and onto the playground at recess. More so, I started to get all frantic, wondering how I would manage home schooling an expelled student seeing that I can barely teach my children to stop eating off the floor.

Ah. Ha. Tis the season for Mother's Day.

My eldest, the one that storms downstairs at dawn and plants himself in front of my Macbook to view the school district's daily lunch menu, loves me because of my Heinen's store bought burgers. Heh. What kind of mother does his teacher think I am?

And so. As the neurotic mother, I played out my role and did the unthinkable. I emailed his teacher.

Dear Mrs. Kindergarten Teacher,

I feel like I have to explain. I am unable to talk to Jay without blowing my cover and so I have to assume he loves it when we grill out together as a family. Gourmet burgers with all the fixings is something I serve when we are all together, typically on the weekends, and the anxious kids set the table to prepare for our "feast." He looks forward to these by writing out menus, picking out linens, and dusting off my wedding china. In the past, I've been publicly made fun of using my china for BBQs. Whatev! Please tell me that you got stranger responses from others before.

Mortified Warmly,
Pauline

PS. Happy Mother's Day!!!

33classy comments:

Zoeyjane said...

I love you. That was perfect.

Stephanie said...

I think i've gone stupid tonight. What does "ces" mean?

Otherwise, hilarious letter to the teacher!

Krystyn said...

Love the letter to the teacher. We always use our china for "ces" burgers!

Better than an antenna topper if you ask me!

the mama bird diaries said...

Such a cute email.

I love you for your cheeseburgers too.

The Daily Stroll said...

Love the letter to the teacher!

Rhea said...

That's hilarious. That must be one awesome cheese burger...

2 Little Irish Boys said...

Ces Bugas--as Cash said when he was learning to talk are awesome!! Love your teacher letter!!

MIT Mommy said...

You looked? You naughty girl. =)

Heidi said...

cheeseburgers and too much lipstick! you are on a roll this week! you totally rock though!

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

love it....love your blog...Just found your blog and so enjoyed reading it.
I hope you will stop by and visit me. The May give away has started....and next week I will be blogging from Disney World.

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

Oh, you should make little miniature cheesburgers for the class one day. Then she will really know why he loves you for your cheeseburgers! That sounds so good right now. With an extra helping of pickles.

Jessica said...

That is so sweet. That really should make you feel like a million bucks. As parents we always try to do these special things for our children, but when it comes down to it, they love us for the simple reasons...like cheesburgers :)

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Super cute gift by your son. Funny letter to the teacher. As a former teacher, I know she got stranger responses.

Jessica said...

Thought you would chuckle at the art on my fridge from "Dad's Night" at preschool: "I love my Dad because: HE IS NOT A GIANT. HE IS BOB." Hee Hee. All the other fathers got loved responses like "he plays with me." "he is nice to me." Oh no. My husband is not a Giant.

Kel said...

Awe, Jay is so sweet! I think its adorable that he loves 'ces brgrs' :)
~K

LceeL said...

At least your kids EAT! When ours were that age, eating ANYTHING was a major issue - one wanted it on yellow - and wouldn't eat unless the bowl/plate/glass was yellow. The other wouldn't go near yellow with a ten foot pole. And the youngest ... I think he must have "I don't like it" tattooed on his butt. But good job with the ces brgrs - I lUVZ me a good cheeseburger.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

Once, Lil V filled in one of those mothers day mad libs with this:

"I love when my mom makes________ for dinner."

"Nothing, because my mom doesn't cook."Uh, huh.

Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire said...

too cute. Don't worry, I am sure she has heard a lot worse reasons. For instance, my sister had a huge old tree next to her house that was infested with carpenter ants. She discovered the issue because they came into her kitchen. that morning before she called the exterminator she was frantically squishing ants all over the place so the boys could eat breakfast. Her middle son started squishing them also. When she got her mother's day card from him in Kindergarten it said "I love you because you let me kill the bugs with you." And there was a drawing of them squishing huge bugs. My sister was of course mortified and called the teacher to have a conference. The teacher laughed so hard and told her she didn't think anything of it.

Courtney said...

That is hilarious!

Loukia said...

Ahh adorable-ness!

Tiaras & Tantrums said...

ha - my son wrote on his last year:

"because you buy me things" I'm so the marshmallow!

Chandra said...

In a child's eyes there is NOTHING better then a 'ces burger'...on fine China even! Yes, a way to a man's heart, at any age, is through his stomach it would seem!

Happy Cookin!

Every Day Goddess said...

I love the mothers day gifts from school, they are the best :) Hope you have a Happy Mothers day!! Cheeseburgers and all ;)

Marinka said...

So funny! And I'm laughing at Smart A$$ mom's comment, too.

(btw, the quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest. Duh.)

Kelly said...

OH I LOVE MOTHERS DAY PRESENT TIME!!!!! My card that my son (Punky) "made" me last year at school was gorgeous!

They took a picture of him holding a TON of fake flowers and glued it to the inside of a homemade card. He signed it with his little two year old handprint. It's on my desk now, as I type. LOVE IT!!!!

Beth said...

Ha! I got "I love you because you give me candy and sometimes lollipops"

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

I love it! My kids are insane for cheese burgers, too. (And spell them the same way, too, come to think of it.) Even though I never thought to serve them on china. Hmmm. ;-)

And: I would've totally peeked, too. I can't resist doing whatever I am told not to. Your letter to the teacher was hysterical, she is going to think you are Grade-A bananas. :)

Mom of Three said...

Please tell me you actually sent that letter!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I would have peeked for fear of something live (or dead) being inside.

Jaina said...

OHmommy I love you. That was hilarious! Happy early Mother's Day! ;)

Karen MEG said...

All I can think of is John Belushi going "Chezburger, chezburger..."...

Your J is too funny, and you, are even funnier!

Amy said...

That's it, this weekend I'm using my china for our cookout!

Nicole Caccavo Kear said...

That is the best mother's day card ever. Some of our favorite family moments happen around cheeseburgers. Especially when they feature chipotle mayo.

 

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