Thursday, March 13, 2008

My husband won't sleep with me...

He told me so.

My loving husband is a man of few words. When he does say something it is usually profound and I listen.

Last night he rolled over and faced me, in bed. "This can not continue. I am done! I am moving to the guest bedroom."

Frankly, I was too tired to argue. I rolled over to my side of the bed and closed my eyes.

We woke up in the morning very groggy and upset. The kiddos jumped into bed with us and turned on the cartoons. I turned on my happy-love to see you-morning face. Mr. OHmommy silently left the bedroom to pour his coffee. I could hear him downstairs fumbling around angrily. Very rarely is this man an angry one. Typically he is kind, silent, gentle and loving.

I could hear him angrily walking up the stairs. Huffing and puffing and dramatically dragging his every step.

He entered our room, took a deep breath, and declared "We need some professional help."

Oh my gosh. He is serious. He thinks we need professional help or else he is moving downstairs to the guest room. This is serious.

"She had a runny nose. I could not let her cry all night." I try to defend myself for bringing Fifi into our bed at 2 am. Again.

"Seriously, she is over 12 months old. I can no longer function with this interrupted sleep." He defends his beliefs.

I know he is tired because I am too. I can no longer function during the day. I religiously rescue Fifi at 2am daily and bring her into our bed. It is our routine. However, the problem is that for the next five freaking terrible horrible hours she tosses, turns, thrushes, kicks, cries, screams, scratches, and does an unrealistic tango between us both. She is not human. She can not be.

"I know." I say in tears. "I know. I am so tired too."

I was tired from the lack of sleep in August of 2007. We thought we taught her to sleep shortly after. I wrote "we will NEVER AGAIN in our lives have a newborn infant, produced by us, crying all night long. Knock on wood." But I really never knocked on any wood. In September, Fifi, started sleeping with us.

I asked for help from my readers and very cleverly titled my post "My third child DOES NOT sleep. At all. I am tired." Brilliant title.

My readers responded and I thanked them. "Thank you. Yes YOU." Another brilliant title.

I followed my reader's advice and proceeded with the Dr. Ferber's method and brilliantly titled the following post "Dr. Ferber's 1st Night." That was is in November. It worked until she was hit with a cold and our routine was broken.

It is March. My third child STILL does not sleep. At all. I am tired.

Every night I pray for only two things: health and happiness. So far, God has delivered. Tonight I will begin to selfishly ask God to deliver us uninterrupted sleep. I do have HIS direct phone number. "Dear God, It's me OHmommy."

Brilliant title. I know.

I know one thing for sure. I am so tired. Fifi is finally getting the memo tonight because I have the man on my side.

98classy comments:

MamaWise said...

I so feel your pain. GG will not sleep through the night. We had one night where he accidentally slept through, but that was it. My husband and I haven't slept in the same bed for months!

When T3 was 14 months old I used the Weissbluth method to get him to sleep, and after 4 long and painful nights it worked. I am now thinking that I will have to resort to the same with GG.

Hang in there! If I figure anything else out, I will let you know!

XOXO

MCmommy said...

My oldest didn't sleep through the night until he was 16 months old! I can SO RELATE to what you are going through.

We tried everything under the sun..er, moon...to get him to sleep. And do you know what finally worked?? We ended up putting him in a big boy bed. And miraculously...literally THAT NIGHT...he slept through the night. Crazy. Could he really have hated the crib that much??

krissy said...

Oh girl...I am sorry that you are tired and exhausted. I wish I knew the cure all but all children are different. I sorta just let my daughter cry it out and after a few days (thank God, I was in tears every night) she started sleeping through the night.

It was hard though, very, very hard!

Good luck and I'll hope for some good "zzzzz's" for you and hubby soon!

Kristen said...

So sorry to hear that you are facing this. Getting kiddos to sleep is by far the hardest thing in my book!

I have to admit that shortly after my dh's brain tumor, we had to let Anya cry it out. I was too tired, and could not take a brain surgery husband and 6 month old that needed to eat every 3 hours.

Do what your heart tells you. But remember, the more replenished you are the more you have to give to those cute kiddos!

Good Luck! Hope she sleeps tonight!

FUN-ky Mama said...

I wish you good luck!

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

I can so relate here. My first daughter had a sleep disorder. She did NOT sleep through the night until she was into her first year.

I had no problems AT ALL with my other two.. go figure. She also climbed out of bed at a very early age.

So, each night... I would get woken up by a little girl/toddler patting my cheek. It got so bad that we started putting a sleeping bag at the foot of our bed, along with a pillow. She was IMPOSSIBLE to sleep with. This went on for FIVE years!

I'm still tired. But she did outgrow this. SHE LOVES HER SLEEP NOW... Now, can she get up for school??? hmmm....

FUN-ky Mama said...

You have a present on my blog.
Come see!

Huckdoll said...

Oh man, I cannot imagine. We had Callie in bed with us the night before last and I practically cried...ok, I did cry when I found her laying on Daddy's stomach while kicking me in the ribs and face :( We got a total of maybe 2 hours solid sleep. It sucked. Yes, your titles were so awesome! The good old days!

Mr Lady said...

When 2of3 was 5 months old, my OB called me. She said, "I am calling you on behalf of your husband. He says you're done nursing and that he needs you to get the baby out of the bed already."

I have never laughed so hard in my whole life.

The thing is, it's really easy with kid TWO to let them cry it out. Kid one, you're too new at it, but kid two, you've got something to prove. You LEARNED. You can do it.

Kid three? You know that it's all going to end someday, you see the light at the end of the tunnel, and frankly, Scarlot? You don't give a damn.

Am I right?

My third is 2-(oh god, I have to count here.....)29 months old, and she still spends most nights in my bed. My first two wouldn't DREAM of daring to come into my room.

TheVasquez3 said...

you are truly blessed. yep, i would love to have a baby keeping me up all night. am i pathetic? yea maybe...but it's true.

Jeni said...

Although the little guy here doesn't sleep WITH me, it is my almost two-year-old grandson and his terrible sleeping habits that have often put me into a near zombie state for the past 6-8 months or so now! Within the past two weeks, his mother started giving him meletonin, to help him fall asleep and thankfully, it does seem to be helping considerably! Now, if I can just be as sleepy when my head hits my pillow as I am right now, I'll be in really great shape tomorrow. But that can sometimes still be a very big "if" here! Cross your fingers and pray for the best -for ALL of us!

Jeni said...

Although the little guy here doesn't sleep WITH me, it is my almost two-year-old grandson and his terrible sleeping habits that have often put me into a near zombie state for the past 6-8 months or so now! Within the past two weeks, his mother started giving him meletonin, to help him fall asleep and thankfully, it does seem to be helping considerably! Now, if I can just be as sleepy when my head hits my pillow as I am right now, I'll be in really great shape tomorrow. But that can sometimes still be a very big "if" here! Cross your fingers and pray for the best -for ALL of us!

Grandy said...

My twin sister is experiencing the same thing with her youngest. I'm sorry to hear it's gotten to this. My son will be 12 next week so I'm not sure I have any valuable advice to give you. Just my prayers.

Mommy Bits said...

The Bman was the same way. He just wanted to snuggle. He would go to bed fine, but refuse to go back to sleep in his crib. I would try to convince him otherwise to no avail. Finally I would bring him to our bed and he would fall aslseep as soon as his head hit the pillow. It was then I realized he was "playin'" me.

I then took to climbing in his crib and snuggling him for 20 mins or so until he fell asleep and then crawling out. I know it is crazy but it worked. It took about a week but he eventually quit waking up or he got comfortable falling back to sleep on his own.

Keep us posted!

Sue said...

In the past year I have slept with my 9 YEAR old more than my husband. That gives you a lot of hope, doesn't it? The problem is, he is gone a lot of nights fishing, so she moves in. The hard thing is, I know this won't last forever and someday she will be a "stranger" (to quote Lola) and probably won't want to look at me never mind cuddle with me.

UGH, no one said being a mom was easy!

tyfamilyadventures said...

I feel your pain.My three year old still wakes up through the night.Thank God my first child was a sleeper or I might not have had any more.Sorry I don't have any advice I am still trying to figure out how to get him out of my bed.Good luck

Irene said...

Oh I can't imagine. I have been lucky. My youngest was a poor sleeper, but outgrew it before she turned 2 (thank GOD).

But funny thing, I told my little one yesterday (like she can understand) that her days of custom meals, and snacks at her beck and call are OVER. I told her tomorrow we are going to have some new rules in this place. And she innocently looks at me, again, like she has any idea what I am saying, and says "why?".

Doesn't it feel good when mom and dad start taking charge again!?

Karen said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. We swore we'd never have children sleep in our bed. We've lived to eat those words and it's currently taking it's toll. I have no words of wisdom.

Stella said...

I feel you on this one! The boy, who is 3, inevitably ends up in our bed almost every night! And sleeps horizontally while we attempt to sleep vertically. It's frustrating. I'm here for advice too because we are in the same boat!!
I have to think that by the time they are 21 they'll want to sleep in their own bed. Right?

This Southern Belle said...

oh, this is SO hard. I hope she gets the memo tonight, because sleep deprivation is the pits!

Penny said...

I had that same problem and thought nothing could help me. But the book Baby Wise worked! It's not a "cry it out" book. The method works, even if they are not newborns.

Ms. Porter said...

oh i do feel sorry for you. i can totally relate, and when the kids are sick i bend all the rules which usually means several extra days of paying the price once they are well!

Stephanie said...

Hubby and I agreed from day one to never let our kids in our bed. So far, we've stuck with it. I will pitch a tent in their rooms before I put them in mine. I read a really great book that I've called my bible with a little "b" for a reason. Both my kiddos slept through the night early, Punky by 14 weeks and Chicken by 4 months. I was late in implementing the strategies with Chicken, but 2 weeks after I did, it worked. So with this one, I'm starting from day one again. Try reading the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and the Baby Whisperer Solves all your Problems. I kid you not when I say other than when they're puky sick, I can count on one hand how many time I've been in there with them in the middle of the night, even with runny noses. That book has NEVER failed me when the kiddos were having scheduling issues or just acting unhappy. Or if you'd like, I could try and help you via email. Everyone is different, but the Baby Whisperer doesn't believe in letting them cry it out or anything like that. Instead, it teaches them the correct way of sleeping and putting themselves back to sleep when they wake up at say...2 am. ;oD Just keep that in mind if you want to look into it!

Kelly said...

My first two didn't sleep through the night till they were 2 1/2. They spent many a night in our bed and I spent many days in a tired fog. When I was pregnant for the 3rd time, I prayed for 2 things, a healthy baby, and one that slept good. I knew I couldn't survive another non-sleeper. God answered both prayers, amazing!! I feel for ya, it sure isn't easy. And sickness does throw any progress out the window. Just repeat to yourself, this too shall pass!! :) That was the only way I survived some horrible phases!

Aimee said...

Been there - done that - and it's not fun! Here's hoping she gets the memo! :)

Steph said...

I can't say I totally feel your pain but I do feel some of it. I am the mean mommy that had her babies in a crib from day one. Of course I was in there every 2 hours but it was theirs rooms their space and we had ours. That is not to say I haven't had the occasional sick kids that I let stay in my room and I certainly will snuggle up with them for a mid day nap in my bed, but at night our room is off limits. I guess I have been lucky. As with all behaviors you try to break or reshape this will take some time. It took my nearly 6 weeks to break my daughter of the habit of falling asleep with me in the room of course this was a direct result of not letting her in our bed and moving her to a new big girl bed. Hang in there this too shall pass.

Angie said...

Awww man. that stinks! We did Babywise from the beginning. That author whose name escapes me had me SO convinced that teaching my child to sleep on their own in their own bed would lead them to life long happiness and success. I don't know about that, but my kids have slept in their own beds on their own since they were infants. I didn't breast feed which helped. I don't have much advice for you. I would say, though, if your daughter is over a year (like I think she is, but I am newer reader) she is playing you a bit. She will make it VERY difficult on you both to get her back into her own bed. It will probably be a week of hell. I will say a prayer for your steadfastness and your sanity and your sleep (or lack of it when you become the enforcer again)

KEEP BELIEVING

Angie said...

Awww man. that stinks! We did Babywise from the beginning. That author whose name escapes me had me SO convinced that teaching my child to sleep on their own in their own bed would lead them to life long happiness and success. I don't know about that, but my kids have slept in their own beds on their own since they were infants. I didn't breast feed which helped. I don't have much advice for you. I would say, though, if your daughter is over a year (like I think she is, but I am newer reader) she is playing you a bit. She will make it VERY difficult on you both to get her back into her own bed. It will probably be a week of hell. I will say a prayer for your steadfastness and your sanity and your sleep (or lack of it when you become the enforcer again)

KEEP BELIEVING

GoMommy said...

I remember sleepless baby-filled nights!
Stick with it! It may be hard at first, but you did it once and you can do it again!
Not that I don't sympathize with Mr. OHMommy, but he isn't the first parent to suffer from lack of sleep! He needs to SUCK IT UP!
And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

amanda said...

no words of wisdom here - just happy to hear that i am not alone! hoping and praying that someone listens to the memo tonight!!

Ashlee said...

In my house it's the hubby that's the sucker. What's worse, is when he brings her to bed, she lays ON me. He gets a full nights sleep out of it, I....I get slept on. I don't get sleep. Fun for him...not for me. Sigh. I put my foot down too. It's not fair! It's hard to break the habit though, and at 2:00 in the morning, there's usually not much fight left in a person. :0) Good luck!

Wendi said...

I loved your post...I mean I LIVE your post. Exactly. None of our children have slept through the night until they are 5! Cole will be four next month...so we will get some sleep sometime in 2009. We are looking forward to it!
Here's hoping your Fifi will start sleeping all night alone...SOON!

renatamic said...

"childless in chicago" - i have no advice to give and cannot sympathize. insteadn, i empathize and will say a prayer for you and Mr. OHMommy...and Fifi too.

LET THERE BE SLEEP!!

Melissa said...

Good luck! I hope you slumber sweetly this evening!

April said...

No words of wisdom here. My kids still get into bed with me if they wake up in the night (so there's proof for you that once you start, it never stops). But we like it.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

The roles are reversed, but the story is the same. I have finally made headway in convincing Mr. Husband that the Toddler is FINE in her room and not to believe her if she says otherwise. We have now gone a whole week without her in our bed. That's not to say she slept through the night, but she did stay where she belonged. Last night, complete uninterupted sleepy bliss was mine. I can only hope it's the first of many.

You can do it OhMommy. Stand firm in your resolve to keep the kids out of your bed!

Don Mills Diva said...

Oh I so hope it works for you. Continued lack of sleep is just so devastating...

Holly said...

We call it "musical beds". My 7 year old still gets night terrors so he often ends up with us and then one of use ends up in the guest room.

I wish I could help! Ferber worked for us with our first.

Janice said...

I have never been able to sleep with my kids, I don't and have never let thenm in my bed. I love my sleep to much

just jamie said...

Wait, you mean kids aren't supposed to cruise into our room at all hours and kick us?

That's what I've been doing wrong.

Oh, good luck. I guess one day we really will (maybe) miss it.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could help you, but our dirty secret is that most nights Daddy and Molly sleep in my bed and I sleep on the floor in Jack's room, after he cries around 3 a.m.
I feel your pain, sista!

Kelly said...

I wish I could help you, but our dirty secret is that most nights Daddy and Molly sleep in my bed and I sleep on the floor in Jack's room, after he cries around 3 a.m.
I feel your pain, sista!

LaskiGal said...

So good to know that you are not alone. And apparently, neither am I.

Good luck . . . and please share what ends up working for you!

John-Michael said...

I sent you an Email with my rather-lengthy (so, what's new, Eh) suggestion. (also a cheap excuse to show off photos of my Matt [smile])

Lisa said...

My 18 month old still sleeps with us and still nurses two or three times a night. It's really tough to move them--we don't like to hear them cry either.
Don't know if you'd like advice but child 2 and 3 left our bed by joining the older sibling. To survive right now, I drink coffee, A LOT of coffee. Wishing you some rest!

The Immoral Matriarch said...

Our 2/12 year still cosleeps. She's my last - and I'm willing to keep her with me as long as she's willing to be there!

Jason waits until I put her to sleep then moves her to her bed in her room where she finishes the night.:)

carrie said...

Would you please tell me where I can get a "happy-love to see you-good morning face?" I need one really, really bad.

I wish I had the answeres, but I let my stuffy headed daughter sit with me and watch Dirty Dancing in the middle of the night, hoping that she'd nod off . . . um, didn't happen.

It always seems like just when I've nailed the bedtime routine with her, she gets a little cold or sniffle or has a bad dream and all my efforts go down the toilet!

All I can say is that I'm with you, and I know that if we stop the cycle, and toughen up a little, they will stay in their own beds. But it is so hard. . .

Kathryn said...

At some point I had to let each of my boys have a night to cry it out. It was horrible. But in the end it was only one bad night instead of a never ending string of them. Very much worth it.
I hope you get a wonderful nights rest tonight. Good luck!

suchsimplepleasures said...

i have no advice...my 4 y/o still wakes up in the middle of the night and comes into bed with me.

and, this is what i would have written...
oh mommy, from classy chaos, a woman who would, without any doubt, would be one that i would hold near and dear...because, i'm very selective in who i choose as friends...and, she is MOST definitely someone i would want to be friends with...she tickled me into answering...
what makes you laugh out loud, giggle etc..

and, my answer...
my kids and their antics, someone farting (that is the level of my maturity...what can i say), hanging out with my girlfriends can make me snort like a barnyard animal. basically...i love to laugh and i happen to do it...A LOT!!

mwah!
xoxo

Tara R. said...

I do remember those nights too. Sometimes it takes tough love and flight line issue ear plugs. Good luck and God love ya.

LunaNik said...

Oh my poor OhMommy!!

I say, kick OhDaddy to the sofa and cuddle up with your darling Fifi at night.

;)

April said...

You poor thing! I know most people are NOT happy campers on a lack of sleep. Unfortunatley I have no words of wisdom to impart...as I have never been there. But I do hope it gets better and that your Fifi starts to sleep through the night!

The MomBabe said...

oi, I will be NO HELP AT ALL. My kids don't start to sleep through the night until they're close to 2.... I've tried every method out there, nothing has worked for us.....

anyways. Good Luck, and if it doesn't work out, oh well. Maybe you could make a "nest" on the floor by your bed and have her sleep there instead?

Jane the Sane said...

Reading this I realize I have gotten off lucky so far. I hope you find a solution soon. I know what it is like to not get sleep though (knock on wood) things are going okay right now.

Rachel said...

Honey. Your 54 readers up there (I'm totally in awe of your comments and readership) have given you great advice. What more can I add?
It sucks. Close the door, both doors.. hers and yours. Let her cry it out. It will last maybe 2 - 3 nights. It sucks. But you must get her out of her routine. She knows you'll rescue her, she's playing you. You have given into her, night after night and you're putting your own sanity and most importantly the health of your marriage in jeopardy.
Motherhood should come with waders, a shovel, chain mail for your heart and bags under your eyes to catch the tears, but unfortunately we just have to muddle through unprepared. I send you love, sympathy, sleepy time prayers and pleasant dream wishes.
Smooches and sympathy. I've been there.

Mom Of 3 said...

So sorry I wish i had some great advice for you. My oldest slept with us until she was 4 and I had to bribe her with a new bed to sleep in her own bed. It will all work out I am sure. Good Luck!

Amy said...

i hope the sleep thing gets better. we stuggled in this department for a long time, and it isn't fun! best of luck! =)

Brittany said...

When you pray, just ask for sleep! I know that sounds silly... but you never know until you ask! :)

(I'm not really sure how I found your blog... I was just clicking away...and here I am! haha)

I'll pray you get some sleep!

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

It is not wrong or selfish to ask for sleep. He says he will give us rest so ask away! Please, I prayed for dining room chairs once.

Sandy C. said...

Oh man, deja vu. Our daughter was the same, and I had bruised ribs for months from her maniacal tossing and turning at night. I hope your prayers are answered soon.

Nap Warden said...

Wow, how hard for you...So far, my babies stay in their bed...Let's hope it stays that way!

Kellan said...

Oh My! It is hard sometimes. We only ever had issues with Little Billy (Daddy's Boy!) and it wasn't until he was about 3 - try having a 3 year old in your bed, kicking and thrashing and rolling around - not fun either. I know your pain. I don't have any answers - we broke every rule there was to break Little Billy and we finally did it, but I can't be sure what it was that actually worked, as I believe it was many different tactics - combined. Good luck - it's hard when they are so little and so sweet!

See you later - Kellan

creative-type dad said...

The wife and I had this problem around 9-10 months with our daughter.

After a month of doing the in our bed routine we tried this one method of letting her cry for about 10 minutes before going in and rubbing her back, then leaving the room.
That lasted about 2 nights. She hasn't slept in our bed for the night in nearly 2 years.

Not sure if that'll work for you. But no two kids are built the same

Valarie said...

I have a 5 year old. He still doesn't sleep through the night. We tried every method known to man and NOTHING worked. Eventually, I bought a big, fluffy comforter and threw it on the floor in my bedroom for him to sleep on. Yes I know, it sounds kinda like what you would do for a dog, but we were desperate! I taught him to come in and lay down on the comforter where he was in our room, but not in our bed....that was when he was like 3. Now, he wakes up and knows to come out and turn on the little light in the family room and he reads books when he can't sleep. I don't care, as long as he lets me sleep!

Marie around the World said...

I also exactly know what you are going through. Mister Son didn't sleep a whole night in 4 months when we moved last year.
Now, he's not sleeping until 10 pm (coming to our room because he's a "whatever-ache") and wakes up in the middle of the night. I always put him back into his bed, sometimes nicely, sometimes not so nicely but I do it all the time, even if it's 3 or 4 times/night.
After a few days, we're good, he knows nothing will let him into our bed and he started to feel tired to !
When he had his crib, he had a night-light, a few books and a sippy with water.
What do you think is waking Fifi up at 2 am every night ? A few months ago, we also put Mister Son's crib in her sister's room. He felt better and after a few nights, we moved it back.
Honestly, I am not sure there are miracle solutions. You'll have to try everything and one will work.
Try also to talk with Fifi, even if she won't talk to you.
Good Luck !

Kash said...

OMG, give her to me for a week! It'll be like a vacation for you guys. Tell Lola I am taking her, she'll try to rescue her!

Maria said...

Don't give up. She WILL sleep! I understand your husband, though. I wouldn't be happy either. I don't sleep, either, because either my husband will have sleep apnea, my son will sleepwalk, or my daughter will fall out of bed. It's always something being a mom.

Jenni said...

Four kids, all poor sleepers, no advice here.

But, I saved my marriage with one amazing purchase. A king-sized memory-foam bed (we bought the Isoform). My husband cannot feel the tossing and turning (think wine glass and jumping), and it's big enough that he has his own side.

If you do figure out how to get them to sleep through the night, please let me know. I'm not sure if #5 is going to have room on our bed!

Lizzy in the Burbs said...

So sorry you're going through this and feel so tired, been there and done that, and it's not fun! It's especially hard when your little one is sick.

The good news is, she will eventually grow out of this, they all do, it just takes time.

Hang in there and best of luck!

Lizzy

LceeL said...

This is the 70th comment. I'm only making it because other wise somebody else is going to see "69 comments" up there and make some kind of smart-ass remark like 'Not Lately' or 'Good idea, I'll volunteer' or something equally as inappropriate. But not me.

Mary said...

I think I could've written this post!

My little guy was a champion sleepre until 1. Then, every night without fail his little alarm goes off between 12am-3am and he ends up in the bed with us. We both work full time and sometimes it is just easier to bring him in than fight for the next two hours to get him back to sleep!

It's tough. I'm sure hoping my guy grows out of this quickly!

Good Luck with her :)

Kim said...

I so hear your pain. I really do, I have HUGE sleep issues with my oldest. I offer no advice except to hang in there.. it has to give at some point.

Huge hugs to you.
xox

Joggingincircles

Motherhood for Dummies said...

We read a book called "Baby Wise" they have it for toddlers and babies...but seriously is a miracle. I did it and most of my friends and all of our kids sleep through the night and go down really well, and take naps easily. It really worked for us. but everyone is different :)

Liz said...

My youngest is now 6 1/2 and STILL does not sleep (I know you didn't want to hear that). She has never been a good sleeper - no matter where she is (our bed, her bed, anywhere). She goes in waves, a couple of weeks of waking up & coming to bed with us & then a couple of weeks of sleeping through the night. Will it ever end?... oh, I sure hope so! and yours will too.. hang in there.

Eve Grey said...

I have an 8 year old who is terrified to sleep alone. My solution (bc i would go mental without sleep)...she sleeps with her twin 5 year old brothers. Everyone is happy. I know a baby is different but maybe she could sleep in the same room as a sib when she's a bit older?

Tootsie Farklepants said...

Lack of sleep does no one's disposition any good. Good luck!!!

♥♥♥ A- Licious ♥♥♥ said...

i tried 4ever to get on here yesterday and today - what is up with that?

hum.

as for the sleeping - i feel ya.
doodles is pretty good - but when sick (which has been most of his life, ugh) - no way - and he is a flip flopper/thrasher/headbutter etc...

I FEEL YOU mama..I DO.

and yes, brilliant titles!
;o)

a-licious
xoxoxoxo

Jennifer said...

I loved this post and although I'm sure you aren't finding a lot of humor in the fact that your baby isn't sleeping through the night, this post made me chuckle... not at the fast that your baby doesn't sleep through the night. no way. at your amazing writing style. :) I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you about the sleeping issue. But, I don't. :( I had issues with my son, I held him and let him nurse all night long and well, I guess, all day long too. :) It worked for us. But, it lasted about 8-9 months of this being our thing. I would hold him all night long. Then after 8-9 months (maybe longer) my husband was not happy with the sleeping situation in our home either. I was sleeping the living room with our new bundle of joy and he was sleeping in the bedroom. So then I started to have the baby in bed with us at night, it was just easier and I really did miss sleeping in my bed. This was NOT what hubby had in mind. :S Oops! Well anyway it took some time, but eventually my son, who is now 4 could fall asleep on his own. It did take a long time though. My daughters however have slept on their own almost Every. Single. Night of their lives b/c there was two of them and my son was only 2 when they were born and still not sleeping well by himself... and they did GREAT with it. They are still fantastic sleepers. :)
Well anyway... I'm rambling on and on here. sorry.
love your blog. would like to add you to my blog roll if you don't mind. :)
Have a good day and good luck with your daughter sleeping, at least for tonight even.
toodles, jenn

Sarabeth said...

We've had our days of not sleeping together because of a baby/toddler/grown child in a bed. I feel for you and can only hope that it is sorted for good.

I'm sort of early blog hopping as there are so many that I can't reach all of the blogs!--HP

Amy said...

Poor OhMommy and OhDaddy! No sleep SUCKS!! I never had this problem, my bed is MY bed. That's not to say I didn't have a nice palette made up every night on the floor for whichever one snuck in! But not in the bed.

Rob said...

I remember having these exact conversations! I smile now to think back on them however, I remember well much frustration and anger.

My Brian could weave blankets into the most set of intense knots you have ever seen. even though he is larger than me now he still can – and does!

My condolences to you all!

kimmy said...

Good luck...I wish I could offer some words of wisdom. Unfortunately, my daughter just stopped coming into bed with us at night and she is almost 7 years old!

Kimmy

My Semblance of Sanity said...

I lived this and it is CRAY-ZEE I tell you!

My first was up 3-5 times a night for his frist 18 months...

My second was born when my first was 15 mos old...yes - for 3 months they were BOTH getting up 2-5 times a night!

I almost left for a hotel (believe it or not - at the time there was a hotel a mere 3 minute WALK from our house!!!!)

mamatulip said...

Oh, I sympathize...my second was a selective sleeper until he was over one. The sleep deprivation was so difficult; it's so hard to function when you're that tired.

This is such an honest post; it paints such a real picture of what it's like, parenthood. Thanks for that.

cacklinrose said...

I don't know what method it is, but DH went in when Olivia started crying to be with us and put his hand very firmly on her back and held her down (not like HELD HER DOWN) while she fussed. A few minutes later she'd gone back to sleep. It took 3 nights so he did it on a long weekend. She has put herself back to sleep since then.

Secret Agent Mama said...

I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain, OhM!

Maureen said...

Wow. I am sorry to hear this... thankfully I have never had to deal with this kind of problem, so I am sorry I have nothing to offer but my sincere wishes that everything will improve quickly.

Maureen
Blog Hoppin'

Amy said...

For almost a year my husband slept in my youngest's room while he shared a bed with me...we gave up...we gave in...and eventually we put all four of our feet down and refused to do it anymore...it's hard I know...I wish you luck and hope whatever you choose to do works for you...:-)

the dragonfly said...

Oh my. I'm sorry. I'm blessed with a beautiful sleeper so I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I hope she gets some sleep...and that you do, too!

Cecily R said...

I wish I had some brilliant insight for you. I still don't.

Gracie was like Fifi. I'm not going to tell you how long we did the sleep of the H (she was the middle line and Jon and I either got her head or her feet in our ribs all night). It might discourage you.

At least I can tell you it gets better. She does great now and only visits once every few months when she gets a cold. I promise it gets better.

monalisa.smile said...

Hi there, I just came across your blog for the first time... my son was like your daughter too. At 11 months we finally decided to do sleep training, but we did not go the "cry it out" route. I just wasn't comfortable with it, and the reading I had done confirmed that it was not something I wanted to do. So we used the Baby Whisperer methods (specifically, "pick up/put down") he started sleeping better within 3-4 days, and within 2 weeks he was sleeping 12-14 hours each night straight through. Now he's 16 months old and is still sleeping that long through the night, it's wonderful. I would give it a chance, "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" by Tracey Hogg. It goes in detail of why kids act the way they do, sleep patterns, habits, etc. and how you can gently train them to sleep on their own, self soothe, sleep through the night and also take great naps. I highly recommend it. My sister also tried it and it worked miracles for her daughter.

Peace is every step said...

I've just discovered your blog & what a fitting first post to read!

I've had two nighttime visitors (four if you count the dogs) into our bed for years. My kids are 2 and 5. For the most part I've enjoyed doing half the night in their own beds/half family bed. But now they are getting so BIG & turn into crazy people at night.

I am by trade a Public Health Nurse, with a Masters in Public Health, Maternal Child Health. I did a little informal research and found a great resource for many ideas that are as unique as my children. I despise "plans" that don't take into account personality & temperment of the child (and parent!). I really like the "No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers". It's practical, real life, and mostly just get you to think about the spirit of your child & formulate your own plan.

Sorry soooo long, but I hear your desperation & need for solutions that work. It's never a one-night solution...getting into these patterns took time & it's only natural for a "new" pattern to take some time too.

Sue said...

I know this is an older post and you've gotten some great advice (a lot of it).

I just wondered, have you ever considered that Fifi doesn't sleep as well with you guys either? When you make it about HER sleep needs, I think it becomes easier to help the transition along there. Of course she's going to resist the change. My daughter did too. But I stood firm and now, almost 8 years later, we're both happier for it.

Kimber said...

OhMommy,

I feel your pain. Our first two kiddos were good sleepers. This third one...mot so much. We adopted her from China so we felt that she needed the extra bonding blah, blah, blah.

The truth is....you must get Fifi back in her own bed. It will be a rough couple of nights but after that.... years of sleep! Now, when our kiddos are sick (like right now)...we go to them. They never come to our bed. I will lay with them for a few minutes in their beds but not all night. We are all finally independent sleepers. I wish you luck and sleep!!!!!

Kim

Kash said...

Ummm...my friends are obsessed with your blog. I come home Sat night and my roomate and her friends are over and she squeels, "OMG! What do you think is going to happen!? Is he going to sleep with her tonight?" I was like,"Um, i dunno." They are like, "Well find out!" Then my grad school friend and Christina call me and ask the same thing!

jennie said...

non sleeping children suck. my four year still doesn't. he comes to our room nightly. with toys. and usually wet pajamas because he STILL wets the bed. even with pull ups. i feel for you.

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

hi ohMommy,
my first time here. hello. i popped over to your bloggy from lunaNik/nikki's blog post about talking to you on the phone.

sorry this is such a pain right now. i ditto what tara advised.

when our teens were little, we never got into the habit of them coming to our bed, so it was never an issue, so i don't have any advice, but i feel for ya and your prayer was totally adorable. and they grow so quick and when they are teens like mine, they will want little to do with you, so eat it up your cuddle time while you have this time with your little one. but i would advise stick to your guns and make her sleep in her bed. she will get used to it if you are firm until she picks up the habit. hope you get some peace very soon, kathleen

Rhea said...

I wonder, has Fifi ended up back in her bed by now?

My 6 yr old suddenly ended up back in my bed this past month...I let him a few nights because he was sick...but now it's continuing...

 

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