Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Mommy is having a heart attack...

If you are looking for a witty post today, click away.

I am not looking for sympathy or reassuring words. I have a lump in my throat and a sharp pain in my chest and have had trouble breathing all day long. I haven't googled my symptoms but am pretty sure I am experiencing a full blown heart attack.

We had a beautiful Memorial Day weekend. The weather was perfect and the husband was home for 4 days. Together, as a family, we had a picnic in the park with good friends, we entered the kiddos in a bubble blowing contest at the fair (see post below), we attended two amazing parades, Jay rode the scariest roller coaster ever and loved it, we rode bikes in the park, and hosted the extended in-law family for a terrific BBQ. It was all super vanilla frosting great.

Tuesday marked the first day of summer vacation. It was all of 50 degrees outside and I had mounds of laundry to fold, an empty fridge, and three active children bouncing off the walls.

I woke up in a funk and everything went downhill from there.

It was my fault. I created my own bad day. If Mama 'aint happy, no one is. I did not shower. I threw on unattractive mis-matched sweats. I skipped breakfast. I moped around all morning and my phone did not ring once. No pre-school. No play dates. No field trips. No plans.

Three active kids bouncing off the walls.

I peeled them off the walls one by one and created a "store" from our pantry. We filled the kitchen with pantry items and created price tags. One box of Mac n Cheese for $43.00 and a box of Cheerios for $32.00. I emptied the jar of pennies and we played the morning away. After lunch, I put Fifi to bed for her nap and continued playing with the kiddos.

Right about the time when she woke up from her nap, my moping was more pronounced and I became stir crazy. I slowly started to gather the clan up for a trip to the grocery store.

CRASH.

BAM.

"Waaaaaaa!!!!!!"

Fifi managed to climb on top of a chair and fell backwards hitting the back of her head against the wall. I scooped her up and held her tight, as I stroked her hair away from her tears.

And. Then. I felt her. I felt her stiffing up in my arms.

Her arms went limp. Her eyes remained open. I stared into her distant eyes. I have never seen anyone so distant, she was not there with me in my arms. Her dilated pupils frantically darted from side to side.

"Fifi!!!!!" I shouted. "OH MY GOD, FIFI!!!!" I gently blew into her face knowing very well that is how I get Lola out of her holding breath syndrome. "FIFI!!!!!!" I continued to yell watching her pupils dart. Her entire body became rigid and jerked, as the lack of oxygen to the brain triggered her seizure. At least Lola closes her eyes during her seizures, Fifi's eyes were frightening.

Lola came into the room obnoxiously singing, "SHUT UP! LOLA!!!!!" I grabbed the phone with one hand and instructed Lola to dial 911. I have never once told anyone, not even my own parents in my teenage years, to shut up. "Fifi, come on sweet girl." By now, she was still stiff as a board, lifeless, so very pale, and her pupils continued darting. I held back from vomiting but allowed my tears to flow. I shook her and blew one last time onto her face. My knees were weak and I sat down with my lifeless child.

After two minutes she sat up in my arms and looked around with much confusion. She continued to cry and I told Lola to put the phone down. Crying is good. Eyes silently darting and stiff body is bad. I held my sweet baby girl close to my heart and just lost it. I freaking lost it.

I was trembling. I am crying now gosh darn it.

After talking to our doctor she advised us to contact our pediatric neurologist. Which we have seen before. A number of times. Lola's holding breath syndrome (Official explanation: Pallid infantile syncope) is so severe she has monthly seizures. And Fifi had benign neonatal sleep myoclonus as an infant and was hospitalized for a week.

I interrupted my husband at work with a phone call to let him know what had happened and how I believed that I was in the middle of experiencing my first blown heart attack at 30 years old. He calmed me down. Instead of calling my mother or any friends, I continued to mope around all day staying far away from googling any of Fifi's symptoms. I sat the kids in front of the TV with ice cream sandwiches, both a rare treat, and stepped outside into the cold for some fresh air. I listened to the birds and let the coldness of the air wake me.

I have two young daughters with holding breath syndrome. It is official. It really isn't a BIG deal and not at all life threatening. I am grateful to have three beautiful, healthy, funny, loving, active, smart, witty, confident, and happy children. I am very grateful for our health and very aware of many more terrible things that could happen to my children. Perhaps I am a big cry baby, for it is not a BIG deal.

Holding breath syndrome really super duper sucks. It just does.

Holding a lifeless seizing child sucks in my books. I have, to date, held a lifeless seizing Lola on 7 separate occasions. And now it begins with Fifi.

The lump in my throat is growing bigger by the minute and the sharp pain in my chest is growing stronger. I know that I am given only as much as I can handle in life. But I do not know how many more times I can handle holding a lifeless child.

Turns out that I did not experience a heart attack today, just my first ever full blown cry baby panic attack. I now understand why mothers age faster than fathers.

100classy comments:

Immoral Matriarch said...

Oh My God, I'm so sorry this happened today. I'm sorry it's ever happened.

I can't imagine.
I'm crying because you cried.

allisonsays.com said...

Oh my gosh...I didn't know that about Lola as I'm new to following your blog, and I am so sorry to hear it is happening with Fifi, too. Must be absolutely horrifying. I'm tense just reading your post about it, so no wonder you had a cry-baby-panic-attack heart-attack! Wow.

::hugs::

Marketing Mama said...

Oh no, this was my first time to your blog tonight and this story scared the daylights out of me. I'm glad Fifi is okay, but so sorry to hear what she and you went through today. How scary and terrifying. I hope you can get a good night sleep tonight and that tomorrow you'll have a much better day (and a shower!)

Kelley said...

I know you are not looking for condolences and sympathy. I just want to say you should be so proud of yourself for staying calm. A lot of parents wouldn't have handled the situation so well.

Just remember that you may crash and burn tonight when the adrenaline wears off.

Hugs for you and your babies.

just jamie said...

I know you're not looking for condolences, but you came to the wrong place. HOLY CRAP! That would scare me to tears, to 911, to vomit.

Poor you. Poor Fifi and Lola because they are sooo going to get an earlier curfew than Jay when they are teenagers. Payback.

tricki_nicki said...

I had no idea there even was such a thing - and I feel bad for ANY mom that has to go through that. How scary for you, OHmommy.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

Oh, hon. I'm so sorry. That would send me into orbit. Thank God she came out of it. Go have a drink. You deserve it.

Blessings From Above said...

OH MY!!!!!!! I couldn't even imagine. Wow. You must have been horrified. Sorry you had to go through this.

Hang in there!

Jenn said...

A very similar thing happened to a friend of mine, and I cried just reading about it. I can't begin to imagine the terror of it all!

Hugs!

Jane the Sane said...

My first thought was anxiety attack. So sorry hon. I can't imagine how this must have made you feel. I had a niece that would hold her breath but as far as I can remember she never seized. I wish I could come over and make you some cocoa. Reach out to your mom and your friends and lean on them. It will help how helpless you feel.

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

OMG... I'm so sorry you had such a scare. My younger sister used to hold her breath and turn blue. It was freaky.

**hugs!**

Kathryn said...

Okay. I won't complain about my day anymore.
I am so sorry. What a complete nightmare. How scary!
Maybe it wasn't a heart attack but a broken heart attack you had.
Do kids eventually grow out of this? I just can't imagine how scary. ((hugs!))

Indy said...

OHmommy, your message on my voicemail scared me. You sounded so sad. I am so sorry that Fifi has this too. That really stinks. So sorry.

MommyTime said...

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this AGAIN with another child. I know that nothing I can say will make it go away, but I do send all my positive thoughts, strength, and hugs. Perhaps Fifi will have this far milder than her older sister. And in any case, you know that you know how to deal with these episodes, and you CAN do it. Don't be afraid to lean on your friends too. ((((hugs))))

Beth said...

Now I feel horrible. I use to hold my breath as a child too. My poor parents, you too! Now I see how worrisome it made them.

I'm sorry that this is a struggle for you and your family BUT happy that it isn't life threatening and this too will be something you can tease them about in latter years. At least this is what my parents do to me now~

Kelly said...

Oh hon, I started having a mini panic attack just reading about it. How scary that must have been for you!!!

Tootsie Farklepants said...

That is being a damn great mother!

**sending you hugs**

Mr Lady said...

Panic attacks are not being a baby. They are legitimate medical conditions and very frightening. I can't believe you've done this so many times with Lola and NOT had one.

I wish I lived right up the street from you to help you out. I am so sorry. Your girls will be fine, pinky swear.

momof3crazykids said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am glad that she is o.k.. I too have had panic attacks, I get them quite often, and my children have never down that so you are not a cry baby!
You deserve a good cry!

zoeyjane said...

aw, honey, i'm sorry that this would happen on a down day, if at all! you handled it totally fine. and yes, panic attacks are totally expected. doesn't make you a baby what-so-ever.

i've lucked out. Isobel only passes out - which for me is quite scary - but no where near seizure.

hugs. lots and lots of them.

krissy said...

Oh sweet thing....I would have panicked as well. I still have to check my child every night before I go to bed, just in case she stopped breathing for some stupid reason.

It may not be a life threatening situation, but that doesn't mean it isn't the scariest thing a mother could deal with. Cry baby? I think not. You are just a loving, adoring mother who doesn't like to see her kids in seizures. I would have responded no differently.

You deserve a pray. I am going to pray for you. For strength. And if I lived closer and got a phone call that this happened to one of your daughters, I would speed like a lightening just to give you a hug!!!!

Your a doll.....and a wonderful mother. It's okay to freak as mothers. And by the way, in very stressful situations, I have told my daughter to shut up as well. I never thought I would tell my daughter to shut up either. It happens.

Hugs sweetie!

Shamelessly Sassy said...

I'm so glad Fifi is okay.

Laski said...

OK. You finally did it to me--that whole water from the eyes thing. J had a fall this weekend. Nothing like what you experienced, but the first time I ever held him while he literally fell limp from shock and pain. My heart lay broken . . .

I'm so sorry . . . just keep "It is official. It really isn't a BIG deal and not at all life threatening" in mind. Heck, plaster it on the ceiling if you have to. And, take care--you.

Sarah said...

Oh, that's awful. You poor thing. It must've been so scary.

CC said...

OMG! How scary and horrifying. I am so so so sorry about all of this!!!!

The Mom said...

Oh what a day! I'm so sorry this happened, has happened before, and can happen again! (((HUGS))) You really handled it well in spite of the natural emotions

(more hugs)

April said...

You've made us all re-think what's truly important, and I appreciate very much that you shared this with us. Most of all, I'm glad they're both going to be okay, all the while sorry that any of you had to go through this.

lattemommy said...

Terrifying. Truly terrifying.

You had a totally justifyable panic attack, and I think you're lucky it wasn't really a heart attack!

You are an incredibly strong person to have come through this with Lola, and you can do the same with Fifi. Believe in you.

carrie said...

I am so sorry. You are an incredible mother - and you did all of the right things. ALL THE RIGHT THINGS.

It'll be okay.

Cheri said...

Get thee to a bubble bath! You did a GOOD job today in every way.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

That is so NOT cry-baby! Who wouldn't cry? That's a very tough thing to deal with. I hope they both outgrow it very quickly.
xoxoxo

Jill said...

How horrible - I'm so sorry.

A dear friend of mine has a son who holds his breath until he passes out on such a regular basis (he uses it for control) that the doctors actually put a treach tube in because they were worried... (you can fill in the rest of the sentence).

I hope your girls outgrow it soon enough. Such a scary moment for a mom...

Karen said...

You've every right to have a heart attack. That is some scary stuff right there! But I've found that as parents we learn to cope and deal with things because we have no choice. Sadly, it doesn't take away the scare factor.

*hugs*

Stella said...

That scared the crap out of me and made me cry! I can't imagine being there and having to handle that! I am so sorry but I am so very glad she is ok! And regardless of what it is and what you say, when it's your child it is a big deal!

Stephanie said...

I am so glad Fifi is okay...I would have done the same thing. Lost it and just sobbed and sobbed. You have amazing strength to handle that with 2 other children in the house. That is terrifying. You have a right to freak out... I hope tomorrow is a better day for you all.

Feener said...

this must be so hard for you. hang in there. sounds like you are an excellent mom and handled yourself the best you could under crisis mode.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

Thank God Fifi is okay.

Double thanks that panic attacks come with a fun prescription to help mommy cope.

They weren't called 'Mothers Little Helper' for no reason!!

Happy Days said...

I got a lump in my throat and a sharp pain in my chest reading this post. That is so scary!!! I feel for you girl. I have not been able to post in a long time because I am too wrapped up in my own heart attacks because of my kids! It is so true about the mama aging faster that the daddy! My husband still gets carded and he is three years older than me. You are not alone sista! I hope everything is ok with Fifi! I am so sorry that happened! I agree that we are not handed anything that we can not handle. What does not kill us only makes us stronger! Hang in there OhMommy, I will be praying for you guys!

lyndsey said...

I'm so sorry that this is happening to your precious girls. It must be horrid. I can't imagine. I will keep you and your babies in my prayers tonight.

Stephanie said...

Hang in there, it's gotta be hard. Is it a genetic thing? How come she hasn't done this before now? Go buy yourself some shoes to help pep you up. ;oD I'll be praying for you!

Keri said...

My heart goes out to you. Our kids are a most precious gift and i can not even fathom the intense fear one would feel holding their lifeless baby.
I hope you do not have to go through this too many more times if ever again.
Be strong and thank you for your strength in sharing your story.

Crystal said...

Ohmommy, you are one tough cookie. I can't imagine living that terrifying day. I think you did a great job holding it all together under those circumstances.
Prayers have been said that there will be no more breath holding by any of your kids.

Tracey said...

Crying with you, hon... Wish I could truly hug you, but "hugs" is all I can offer.

Hang in there...

Jo said...

you are a strong woman, a great mom and your children will always be safe in your arms. If you need futher venting i am somewhat an expert on:

a. Panic attacks =)
b. Children-related stress
c. Saying "shut up"

the last one is a joke (sort of). but seriously, let yourself feel all of the emotions that come with these situations because they are yours to feel. Don't undermine the pain you feel by saying you are a cry baby. You are NOT a cry baby. You are a mommy who got scared, for good reason. I am so sorry you had that terrible experience and I will be keeping you guys in my prayers.

Buzki

amanda said...

oh honey...i am so very sorry. i truly can't imagine being in that situation. let alone being as strong as you were. really.

hugs

Melissa said...

How horribly scary for you! I can't imagine what that must have been like. I'm sending you ((((hugs))) and calming thoughts...and lots of strength for the future!!

Don Mills Diva said...

I can't tell you how sorry I am - there are tears in my eyes - I don't know what to say other than I'm thinking of you...

Rachel said...

Holy hell.
There are tears in my eyes and my heart is beating so fast.
Wow.
Lots of prayers and virtual love darlin'.
I've never even heard of this. So scary.

Laura B. said...

OhMommy...you're in my prayers. I know that had to be so hard to endure. My hubby has had multiple seizures and his father was there for them. Luckily his are under control and I haven't had to weather one with him, but it still scares me. I hope that time will help both darling girls to grow out of this.

Krystyn said...

OMG...how scary. I'm glad Fifi is okay. I would have cried, too. Luckily (but not luckily) you knew what you were doing!

Stay strong, momma.

GoMommy said...

I'm so sorry- I hope Fifi is okay. Stay strong- I know when you have kids everyday is full of excitement. I just hope that THAT kind of excitement makes itself scarce. We'll be thinking of you and your family.

Kim said...

I know you don't want sympathy or reassuring words but can I send hugs anyway? I sit here in tears and a racing heart as well.. I can't imagine being able to stay as calm as you did.. You are amazing..

Glad to hear that Fifi is okay..

oxoxKimmylyn

skiplovey said...

Oh my gosh, my heart goes out to you, what a traumatic experience.
I used to have that holding breath syndrome when I was a kid. Used to scare the heck out of my parents. I don't think I ever had the seizures though. I'm not sure what the recommend for it now, I think eventually my dad had to dose me with cold water, per the doctors orders. Sounds draconian now though. Whatever they did I stopped doing it, maybe I grew out of it, but I'm fine now as an adult. I do however get very nervous around the sight of blood and will faint. But that's such a small thing really.

Sounds like you know what to do though when it happens and that's the most important thing.

Rhea said...

I would have had a panic attack also. A stiff, non-responding child is SCARY. Especially not knowing what was happening.

I'm glad she's ok but I'm sorry both girls have the same issue. How weird. It is hereditary?

I love the store idea you had going with the kids before this happened.

Hang in there, OhMommy. You deserve some extra TLC. :o)

Grey Street said...

That is possibly one of the scariest things I've ever read. I didn't even know that existed.

In a way - it's a good thing that sort of knew what to expect because of Lola. I would have freaked the F&*# out!

I'm sorry this happened! Stay strong!!

((HUGS)) **Kisses**

Cecily R said...

You are amazing. Do you realize that? You handled the situation far and away better than I would have. And you manage to see that it could be worse.

How lucky your kids are to have a mommy who cares SO MUCH and empties a penny jar to play store with them on a day she feels mopey. Lucky lucky kids.

Secret Agent Mama said...

Oh, you poor thing. :( I'm so sorry this is happening again. :( If you need to talk --ever-- you know where I am!

Wendi said...

I. can. not. even. imagine.

How awful for you. Words can not tell you how sorry I am. I remember how upseting these episodes were for you with Lola. Now Fifi? I am glad you knew what to do and what was happening. I think I would have had much more than a panic attack. (I had one of those just reading this post!) How scary. I am glad everyone is okay. Hang in there OHMommy. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Ugh. We have WAY too much in common.

Alexis is also a master at holding her breath until everyone around her dies of a heart attack. We've been fortunate that she hasn't done it for a while, but the first time she was about 6 months old and I completely freaked out. If I even think about it for a second I'll freak out again.

*hugs* and remember, it's scarier for you than for them.

MamaWise said...

OMG. Sending you the biggest hugs ever! I totally know how you feel. T3 has febrile seizures and the feeling of being helpless while your child seizes is unbearable. I am crying right now just thinking about it.

XOXO

We need to get together soon for a stiff drink (or several). I am off this weekend. Let's make plans. :)

Someone Being Me said...

OMG. I would have freaked out. Panic attacks are scary too but seeing your child not breathing is the scariest thing of all.

Kimber said...

Oh Mommy---I feel so bad for you...Kate had two seizures a few months ago and I KNOW they are terrifying. I thought she was DEAD and my heart absolutely stopped. If I lived anywhere near you sweet woman...I would be over there right now with Starbucks or ice cream or a hug or whatever would make you feel better (A drink?) while you cried it out.

I am so sorry.

Hugs,
Kim

Miss said...

Sweet, sweet momma. I'm holding you right now. My heart aches for you and your babies but you know what I think? You were handed this burden because you CAN handle it. You're Super Momma remember? ;-) You CAN handle this. Love you!

THopgood said...

OMG you poor thing! I can sympathize. My oldest did that when he was not quite two. We were playing in the yard and he fell on the cement. I ran to him to comfort him and he passed out in my arms. I freaked. I'm a nurse and I freaked. I remember screaming his name while running his lifeless body back into the house and dialing 911 when he woke up. It was that day I realized that even with my 4 years of nursing education and 2 years of Critical Care experience I become completely incapable when the emergency is concerning my family. I haven't felt that incapable until this past Saturday's emergency occurred.

moooooog35 said...

Well...it sucks that my VERY FIRST COMMENT on your site is:

"Wow...that sucks. I'm so sorry to hear it."

I had something funny and everything and - BAM! - it's out the window.

Good luck, though - swing by and maybe I can help put a smile on your face.

Real World Mom said...

I'm certain that I *would have* had a *real* heart attack! Lots of hugs to you and the kiddos!

kittyconcerto.com said...

OHmommy..... I'm not a mommy yet, but I was crying.... You poor thing. I'm sooooooooo glad fifi is ok. I had holding breath syndrome reading your post.

[[[Big Big Super Big Hugs]]]]

*delurking here. can't remember if this is my first comment here or not. but I've been reading for a while*

Monkeys' Mom said...

Health scares that involve our little ones are the WORST! My heart raced just reading your post. You absolutely need to spoil yourself this week and indulge in some bubble baths, some wine or desserts (or both), and maybe some shoe shopping. And snag a few extra cuddles from your kiddos. You are a GREAT mommy!
Hugs,
Jennifer

Lisa said...

Oh my goodness, that is scary. I would ask the doctor if there is anything you can do--there has to be something.
My son had a concussion and it scared me (they don't cry, they just throw up and fall back the way you described Fifi). I could not imagine going through that more than once--((hugs))

Danielle said...

crying.

So sorry. I would be having a panic attack also, and would not know how to cope or how to handle.

Thinking of you...

LunaNik said...

I have another friend who's daughter had this. She also spoke with such fear and heartbreak about it. I can't even imagine.

Hugs and kisses and the best of wishes thru the blogosphere to you babe.

I am a Tornado ~ proven fact! said...

You poor thing ... I would still be shaking! How strong you are!!!!! They are truly blessed having you for their mother, and you are blessed to have them because you can love them and give them the care they need!

LOTS of warm hugs today.

Nothing is wrong with taking tomorrow off to veg, and let your body recover. Stress is killer, esp. kids being sick stress!

Nat said...

Oh. my. gosh. I am so sorry that you have to go through that with both girls! Is this something they grow out of?

Karen MEG said...

OMG, I was holding my breath this whole post! I do hope your girls grow out of this (is it possible?) --- that would scare the living sh*t right out of me... and yeah, take about 10 years off my life every time.

Hugs to you for having to go through this. Hope Fifi is OK now.

Shelle said...

THat is so scary! I don't know what I would've done! That does sound like it sucks!

crunchiemummy said...

Oh my -- that is so scary. Hugs for you and know that it's okay to have a full blown cry baby panic attack. Hugs!

Maureen said...

Oh my! My eyes are tearing up and my heart is pumping hard as I read this. I am so sorry you all have to go through such a horrible experience. I do hope she and you are okay.

suchsimplepleasures said...

when i was in a playgroup with my oldest son, one of the babies had the exact same thing!! one day, during playgroup, the mom had to go out to her car. she asked me to hold her son. she warned me that it may happen because every time she left him...he would hold his breath until he turned blue and passed out...and he did. right there. in my arms. and...i freaked out. so...i am so so so so so sorry that you have to go through this. that wasn't my child. and it freaked me out big time. i can't imagine what it must be like to have it be your own child!!
thinking of you. and your children.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
melissa

Sue said...

Don't ever think you are a crybaby for this!!!! It must be one of the scariest things ever!

Keep remembering to breathe yourself when in the middle of this. They need you there too.

ConverseMomma said...

Oh sweetie, I wish we lived closer. I just want to reach out and hug you right now. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It must have been terrifying. You are so strong. You can do this. You have done this. It's not fair, but you are right, God only gives you as much as you can handle. He knows that the amazing OhMommy can protect and love her daughters, and see them through these tough times. All my love, darlin.

Eve Grey said...

hmmm...I don't know what to say other than, "Don't you find the girl children soooo much more difficult?" (:
Bless their wee (emotional, melodramatic, maddening)hearts. ♥

girlymom said...

Holy Crap! I cannot imagine that happening to one of my children, having to hold them and feeling so helpless. You are unbelieveably strong to have gone through this more than once. I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. I hope everyone, yourself included is doing much better.

Jennifer said...

OhMommy I love your blog! I've been following you a while, but I don't remember if I've ever commented. I'm so sorry for the bad day! Good thing we get to start again tomorrow. Hope things get better!

The Schneider's said...

I'm glad to hear Fifi is okay but I am so sorry that happened and that you are having to go through it a second time around. I think you handled the situation much better than I would have! Hope you are having a better week!

Lots of hugs to you!

the mama bird diaries said...

I'm so sorry for all of this. Sounds so scary. Just know there are so many mothers thinking of you. Including me.

EatPlayLove said...

You're amazing! Wishing you a playful and less stressful rest of the week, month, and year for that matter!

HRH said...

OMG. I can't even the imagine the stress of that situation. You handled it so well. Sending happy thoughts and deep cleansing breaths your way...wish I could do more.

Dawn said...

Oh how scary!!! You are not a big cry baby. What mom wouldn't be upset by something like that? (((Hugs))) to you and your baby girl.

FreedomFirst said...

Don't feel bad about having a panic attack. It happens. I've never had one but my husband gets them occasionally. It's not a crybaby thing; it just is what it is.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My younger son has had croup twice, and the first time was really bad. I felt so terrified holding him and watching him fight for oxygen, and I'm sure that was nothing compared to your ordeal. I will be thinking of you.

Jillian said...

I'm new to you (found you through some common friends) and I wanted to say that your post gave me chills and made me cry. Maybe it's because I'm newly pregnant and hormonal, maybe it's because I just found out that my biopsy revealed NO cancer, maybe it's because my baby fell into a pool when he was just over a year and was saved by my other "baby" (9 year old son) and his quick thinking. Thank God. It brought back those memories of holding your child and having them not give you the comfort back that you so desperately need. I know the relief i felt when he took his first breath and how I fell into a lump afterwards and continued to have nightmares for many months afterwards.

What you have been through is something no mother would ever wish to happen, but it does. And thankfully, she's ok. And you know what? Panic attacks are ok. I had one too when my ex husband wanted to move back in. Yep. Called 911 and everything. I thought I was seriously dying.

I am glad you are ok and that your child is on her way to recovery. Lots of hugs and kisses Tuesday was a bad day for both of us.

Come say hi when you can.

jennie said...

The boy did that when he was 18 months. We did all the neurological testing and it of course showed nothing. It was the scariest four minutes of my life!!! I know what you went through and it is awful. Sorry.

momof3crazykids said...

I know I already commented but-do they grow out of the holding of breath? Do they do it when they are mad?
That must be so scary for you.

Deb said...

I am crying and on the verge of sobbing right now, because that entire thing took me right back to the day my son was 9 weeks old and he vomited and passed out in my arms. He wasn't holding his breath, but he couldn't be revived with a handful of ice shoved down the back of his shirt, and I thought for sure we were losing him. I prayed and begged on the way to the hospital that 9 weeks would not be all I'd get with him. I said the same prayers when it happened again an hour later as he was being transferred to a hospital with a PICU via ambulance. And again when he was 22 weeks old as I sped to the hospital in my own car with him passed out in his carseat in the back. Vasovagal Syncope. Idiopathic, so there is no treatment until a pattern appears. I live with that fear in my heart and just wait. Sorry to blather on so long... I know where you are emotionally, although I don't know how you've coped with it for so long. My heart goes out to you.

Flea said...

Thank you for providing a link. As frightening as it sounds, it's good to hear that it's not life threatening and that children grow out of it. But to go through it ... my heart goes out to you.

sahmtoo said...

We had a bad incident when Miss M was little... I think I was in more pain than she was. Thanks for reminding me of the time that I felt like wearing the "World's Worst Mommy" crown.

Kate @ Life As I Live It said...

My daughter starting doing something similiar at about 9 months. If she got startled or scared, she'd gasp, hold her breath, turn blue and pass out. Kinda freaky. Fortunately, it was short lived (maybe 6 months) and she outgrew it. Regardless of if it's "normal" (according to the pediatrician) and not doing them any harm, it still scares the living bejeebus out of a mommy. You're entitled to a little freak-out. Hope you've both recovered and don't have to go thru it again.

Elaine A. said...

You had me at "CRASH!" That's what I would have done too, just cried. I am glad your daughter is okay and that you are too. Prayers for you and your girls...

BusyDad said...

I wanted to throw up. That story was too scary. I am SO relieved things turned out ok.

Kash said...

Thank God everything is okay. I am so sorry you had to go through with that. Love you guys.

Shellie said...

Ok, that post officially qualifies for the Scarred 4 Life club!!

 

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