Wednesday, June 11, 2008

My son. He broke a commandment.

As I indulged in my newest flavor of Tazo tea this Tuesday morning I realized that the day was turning into one big fat errand run. I drank my tea while watching the kids eat breakfast and enjoyed the silence that filled the room. I knew that it was going to be short lived.

I looked at my "To-do" list and imagined how much easier it would be to accomplish my tasks with no children. I imagined it with one child... geesh, one child errand running is a walk in the park. Sadly the nineteen shorts months I had just one child seemed so overwhelming and difficult.

I gathered up my three, "Put on your shoes. Go shoe-shoe in the toilet. Wash your hands. Get in the car." I picked up my overflowing pool bag and cursed the person who created daily sessions of 8:30am swim lessons. Two weeks. Three children. Daily swim lessons at 8:30 am. I shall not bore you with the contents of my pool bag. It takes a lot to keep three children safe and happy at the pool. That is all.

Thankfully, someone heard my whining and Fifi developed a terrible horrible diaper rash some days ago. My mommy instinct pulled her out of "Mommy & Me Swimming." I do not have to slip into my suit everyday and squeeze Fifi into hers, at 8:30am, for two weeks. Both of us, like stuffing sausage into it's castings. No lessons for us due to medical issues. My belief in a higher power had grown stronger. Besides my top two swim suit choices were back ordered until the middle of July.

After swimming and then later tennis lessons, I ran around town completing my errands. "I'm Bored!" and "This is sooooo boring!!!" and "Why are we here?" filled my entire morning. My non-vocal one screeched in pain when I finally had the chance to change her diaper. After ten days of very runny kupas she was toasted and in pain.

A quick visit to the doctor and one prescription later we were standing in Target waiting for the RX to be filled.

I shall not bore you with what my children ate for lunch. It wasn't much.

I shall not bore you with what napless Fifi looked like in her stroller. It wasn't pretty.

I quickly paid and stormed out of the store hoping to make it home before Fifi fell asleep hungry. Again. I buckled her into her car seat, threw the stroller in the back, and watched the others buckle up safely. Jay sat in his seat and before strapping himself in pulled out a stack of wrapped rainbow colored post-its from his pocket.

"What is that?" I asked.

"I wanted these." He innocently replied. "To write you letters."

"Jay. Honey. We did not pay for those. We have to go back and return them with an apology." I explained. By this time the sky had darkened quite appropriately and a summer storm was drawing near. Naturally, our minivan was the furthest car away from the store.

Running across the parking lot with a screaming banshee on my hip and two chickadees following behind. One who had just become a sinner. I looked up at the sky hoping the rain would hold off.

Safe in Target, I advised Jay to return it on his own and apologize. After much conversation and confidence boosting he approached the counter and returned the post-its. On our way out I tried to discuss inflation for product loss due to theft, I needed to speak louder as the banshee was stealing my show. "People STEAL and prices go UP!!! YOU will have to do another weeks worth of chores to afford those Legos!!!" Oh. What a sight people.

Once again, my belief in a higher power grew more as we exited and saw an armed police officer outside of a shoe store. Thank. You. I inserted a pacifier into the mouth of the banshee and spewed out some more information making sure to include law enforcement this time around. "You shall not steal. Blah. Blah. Blah. Police is here. Blah. Blah. Blah." Jay's eyes grew.

Banshee on hip, chickadees behind, the rain made us run to our car. I buckled Fifi into her car seat and watched the others buckle up safely. Jay sat in his seat and before strapping himself in pulled out a M&M flavored chap stick, from his other pocket. I kid you not.

I shall not bore you with what came out of my mouth. It was not classy. I too joined the rankings of my son and became a sinner this Tuesday for using God's name in vain.

Like Moses parting the waters of the Red Sea, I zipped through the rain with my three prodigies and refused to enter the store with my son the sinner. He was on his own I informed him and stood in the rain with the banshee and the Lola.

On the way home Fifi fell asleep hungry. Again.

Laugh with me. It's safe. The storm has passed and tomorrow's forecast promises sun.

105classy comments:

Rhea said...

Uh, oh, Jay's a repeat offender now. I can't believe he didn't come clean the first time about both items...

Just the sight of the police would have made my kids freak. lol

I think every kid goes through this stage though. Hang in there, Oh Mommy, things sound stressful!

The 5 Bickies said...

My 3 and I were just remembering today when #3 stole a pad of paper from a little shop in our local farmer's market. What is it with our children and their paper stealing? At least yours was going to write you notes! My daughter's was simply because she liked the picture of the shoes on the paper!

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

Like Mary says on Jack's BMS, "Whaaaaat a daaaay..."

CableGirl said...

What a day indeed!!

Mandy said...

Oh my Gosh!!! You had a day, that's for sure. I remember when I was little we had a show and tell at my Christian school, no doubt. A little boy brought in some tadpoles and I just HAD to have one. My stepdad picked me up from school and he repeatedly asked me what was in my hand. By the time I showed him the little tadpole was dead. He made me go in the next morning and explain what had happened and apologize. Show and tell hasn't been the same since. :)

Stella said...

What! A! Day!

There's a part of me that wants to laugh but I know that if I giggle even the slightest bit that higher power we believe in will strike me with a son who steals cars instead of post-its and chap stick!

Life As I Know It said...

I got a little stressed out reading this...!
Yikes! What a day.

TONYA said...

oh how I remember having to take my eldest back to stores when he was little because 'he just wanted something' and didn't think he had to pay for it. I cannot even begin to imagine dragging 2 others in there with you though. Wow momma, that was some day you had there.

Laski said...

So, I wonder what prayers were like in the OHmommy household tonight???

I only have one . . . just one. And at this very second, I will learn to appreciate my one. I just don't think I have the skills . . . yet.

Can't wait for tomorrow ;)

Kelly said...

What. A. Day! I uttered a curse word also when I read he pulled the chapstick out of his pocket. I did NOT see that coming. You had quite the day today!! Here's hoping for a better one tomorrow!

Don Mills Diva said...

I think most of us have a memory of stealing something and being marched back in to return it and apologize - it's a rite of passage almost...

Karen said...

Oh, no. I'm so sorry it was a horrendous, rainy, sinful day. I hope Jay learned not to do that again.

I remember when our oldest stole candy and I found the wrappers. She marched into the store with money and an apology but the clerk felt the need to harshly scold her and glare at me. We were making it right! I didn't expect a "that's okay" but neither was it her job to punish my child.

momof3crazykids said...

Don't you despise those kinds of days! Not just one thing can go wrong but it has to be 5.
Luckily, I haven't dealt with the 5 finger discount yet with my kids, at least not that I've found out about.
Hope tomorrow is a better day:)

Ashlee said...

I can't even imagine. not in the least. Thankfully, my kids haven't taken anything YET. :0) Hopefully he will remember next time he REALLY wants something. :0) And hopefully you have a VERY relaxing day tomorrow. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Jan said...

Oh Jeez, just oh Jeez.

Nat said...

I am laughing with you and applauding you for doing what a mother should. Not the swearing part, but you did better than I would have! I would have been even less classy with my words. ;)

Christy said...

I'm sorry but the chap stick, made me bust out laugh...granted if I was actually there is wouldn't be laughter! Good for you too, for making him return the stuff on his own, a lot of people wouldn't!

zoeyjane said...

good for you for making him bring back the second thing - i totally would NOT have the patience to reinforce, at that point :P

Elizabeth said...

sooooo funny! it is a classy story regardless! i loved it... ;-)

krissy said...

Man, the kid is in the system now!! I kid of course.

Diva did the same at the age of two. I did the same thing and marched in the store and demanded her to give it back and say sorry. I was determined. The nice lady at Shopko decided that her baby blues were so cute even with the tears filling them that she deserved the candy and bought it for her. She was a grandma and obviously couldn't resist a cute, blue eyed, crying two year old with a witch for a mother. I learned my lesson to next time find a very mean man that will chew her head off. It never happened again though. Thank God!

MommyTime said...

I know I shouldn't laugh -- and I wouldn't have if it had been my son in my car -- but when he pulled out the chapstick, I laughed. I am so sorry for you. But I did laugh at the audacity. I hope tomorrow is far far better, my dear!

Blessings From Above said...

Yikes, what a day! Hang in there, tomorrow is bound to be better.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I was all serious with you until he pulled out the M&M chapstick. Then I lost it! ha ha ha!!

Rachel said...

Oh my word.
I'm so glad you made him go back in and deal with the situation.
But I'm rollin' that he still had filched merchandise on his person during all this ;-)

Kathryn said...

Oh my freaking word! You just made my flipping night! So freaking funny. I'm sorry I'm laughing. But wow. You are freaking hilarious. I'm sure karma will come back and bite me in the arse for this, but I'm laughing.
You are a fabulous mommy. You should know that!

The Mom said...

I've lived that day, minus the theft....over and over and over. Hugs, here's to a better tomorrow!

lattemommy said...

OMG! You couldn't make that kind of stuff up! The chapstick bit killed me. (I'm so sorry to be laughing, because I know it was hellish for you. But, damn, that was funny!)

You are, without a doubt, one of the best Moms ever.

Cecily R said...

OH, you had one heck of a day!!!

For what its worth, I think you handled the whole thing very well. Sinning and all.

I stole Grape Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum once. I STILL remember my mom's gentle shove toward the customer service counter to fess up. I never shop lifted again.

Jill said...

What a great story... I love that you made him bring it back in the store - and offer up an apology.

This reminds me of a long drawn out story that I'll try to condense here...

My brother did the same thing when he was about 4. He stole a pair of handcuffs from the kids section in our local pharmacy. My mom found him hiding them in the backseat of our then 1978 Datsun 280Z. She not only made him go return the handcuffs, but as he showed no remorse, she immediately drove him to the police station. She walked him in, told the officer at the desk what happened, and they put him in a jail cell for 5 minutes to teach him a lesson.

It scared the absolute daylights out of him... and me, who was sitting ever-so patiently outside the waiting room with my mom.

Huckdoll said...

"I shall not bore you with what came out of my mouth. It was not classy."

...that alone scares the hell out of me.

kim-d said...

Oh no. The good thing about this is, he did not try to hide the second "pilfered" item. And throughout this whole ordeal, I just couldn't help but laugh over the screaming banshee on the hip...HAHAHAHA! With the two little chickadees, one on his way to becoming a felon, trailing behind. Too funny! And no wonder you are in such terrific shape.

I hope today is a MUCH CALMER day!

Melissa said...

Yikes, good thing the sun will shine today! :)

April said...

Oh man...hopefully he learend his lesson? lol

Indy said...

No. He. Didn't. Twice. I will chuckle at this for the whole day. I can't wait to see what Lola steals when she turns 5.

Jessica said...

I truly apologize as I know the sense of utter frustration you must have felt...but it must make you laugh in retrospect. Did he finally connect the 2?

duchess said...

We've all been there. Just keep doing what you're doing & eventually he'll get tired of going back in and admitting his crime.
Good job, Mom!

Feener said...

i am pretty sure that after every playdate both my girls have something that is not theirs in their hands.

Danielle said...

I'm so sorry for laughing. So cute. So bad. So funny!

Smart A$$ Mom said...

sweet Jeebus! Y'know how many times my kids have left with heavy pockets? The very first time, I returned to the store, great apologies and thought we had learned a lesson. Not so much....because now it is I who left Mejier with a popcorn machine under the basket and loaded it into my car only to check the receipt that seemed awfully light to find they had not charged me for it.

One Wired Woman said...

Great story!! I found your blog through Rhea. Love it. I'll be back for sure. We're having lots of fun over at my blog too so come on over for a visit!! ~Jill :)

Stephanie said...

Oh, too funny! I dread the day this happens to me. Did Jay tell you what he needed the chapstick for? HA!

moooooog35 said...

Can't wait for the post when he hits the "adultery" commandment.

Hey..it's bound to happen with the teachers these days.

Sometimes...I wish I was little again.

Crystal D said...

Ugh, what a day! Do you enjoy the Tazo Zen tea? It sounds like you would have used it yesterday. It is my favorite. I could just smell my tea cup all day.

Marmarbug said...

Oh.my.word! You poor thing! ytou had QUITE a day.
I have a sticky fingered kid myself. I have to watch him like a hawk in the store.
I hope today is much better for you!!!

McMommy said...

I know the part where he took the m&m chapstick out of his pocket was probably SO not funny at the time....but oh, did it make for a good blog read!!!! I was laughing...yet in the back of my mind, I know I will be going through the exact same thing one day! Karma.

deannascraps said...

I'm giggling. I can relate, albeit from years ago. Great post! Enjoy your day!

Steph said...

Ok I know it isn't funny but to read it totally is. I am sure he recieved a stern talking to after all that. My 3 year old did the same thing, I am not sure he quite understood why he had to give it back though, yet it hasn't happened again.

Christine said...

You made me laugh! I thought I was the one that had days like that!

Kim said...

I am not even sure how you composed yourself. I would have lost it when the chapstick was pulled out.

Kimmylyn (JIC)

Anne said...

I hope today's been better for you! I'm exhausted from reading your post!!!

Amy said...

I'll confess, I've walked out of Target with a package of paper towels on the bottom of the cart and did not go back in. They get way more of my money than I do, surely they could spot me some paper towels??

The other day, Kathryn lifted an "F" jibbitz at the Croc store. We returned it of course. I mean if you're going to steal, couldn't you at least grab on of your initials?

juliagulia said...

wow hard day. I haven't had the pleasure of being a thiefs mother yet. I hope fifi gets feeling better its no fun having a sick little one. And sorry about the swimwear and mommy and me class.

Grey Street said...

D'oh! That's too bad. Amusing story - but still. I can't believe he did that!!

Hopefully today will be smoother!!

Kellan said...

Oh, that little Jay - just like my Little Billy who has stolen a thing or two in his short life.

Cute story - hope the storms passed and all is well today.

Have a good day - see you soon - Kellan

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

I have to ask: did you tell him the rain was proof of God crying at him being naughty? Cause I totally would've done that.

mamatulip said...

You're a good mom. :)

the MomBabe said...

oh no! good for you making him take it back by himself. Good! For! You!

Monkeys' Mom said...

Oh MY! So sorry your day was filled with errands, rain, and sin. ; ) The diaper rash is no fun either. You must be exhausted.
When in doubt, go shoe shopping!
: ) Jennifer

kittyconcerto.com said...

What a good mommy; making him go back and apologize all by himself. That would have scared me straight for sure!

carrie said...

It happens to the best of us.

My son stole a pack of gum when he was 6 - I made him pay for it and apologize and then I took it away. Oh, the shame!

Never did do that again though, so the lesson must've stuck!

LunaNik said...

You truly are a classy lady for making him return it. I, on the other hand, would have scolded my kids for not taking enough for the whole family.

Marla said...

I remember taking smoething from kmart when i was a kid and my mom sending me back in the store. it was horrible, hope j learns from this one... and that you find peace in knowing you did the right thing because i'm sure there are moms who don't -

CC said...

LOL!!!! You did good Classy Mama! You did good!

Beth said...

Seriously, you can't write stuff that crazy. Well, you did - but your living it. Wow. So vivid, I'm over-the-top mad right there with you. Of course, it IS funny today though!

Good luck with your interview.

THopgood said...

I've been in your shoes (pun intended =))....and as painful as those shoes were for that one day...you can rest assured that your son learned a valuable lesson and will think twice before repeating! You did good!

Lisa said...

Holy Buckets....
you, my sweet friend, get the award for enduring the mommy morning from hell.

I really hope today is sunny...you deserve it!

pam said...

Oh my gracious goodness that made me laugh out loud!!! And remember a time when I had to make my now almost 30 (ack!) year old boy bring a found dollar back into the store and how 'very' loud and sorry he was that he had founnnnnnd it and it was hiiiiiiiiis. Alas he had to turn it in..

Man the trials of this motherhood thing, huh??

Wendi said...

A day in the life of a mama!
I was feeling so bad for you toting the three kiddos and running errands. Then the sinning.
But...when Jay pulled out the chapstick...laughter ensued. I am so very sorry OHMommy. I know I shouldn't have, but OMGoodness was that priceless!
As Annie would say, "The sun will come up tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar!"

Kimber said...

I am SO glad you went through all that you did to have him return them. He will never forget and he will learn his lesson!!! But onto more important things---what are you wearing Friday?


Kim

tyfamilyadventures said...

THE THINGS OUR KIDS PUT US THROUGH...SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD A DAY...WE LIVE IN OHIO ALSO AND ARE ABOUT A FOUR HOUR DRIVE FROM YOU..

Eve Grey said...

I love it!
I would have LOST MY MIND!

LceeL said...

Dum Dah Dum Dum.

just jamie said...

No.Freakin'.Way.
Twice.
No way.

Really?

suchsimplepleasures said...

i'm laughing with you. i know it's safe to. i've been there. i've had a child steal postcards from disney...which were promptly returned. and...a candy bar from cvs...returned by a sobbing and embarrassed child. so been there!!
swim lessons though...nope. my hubby teaches kids to swim. so...my kids, thankfully, all learned from him!! no squeezing into a swimsuit at 8:30am to go into a pool with my crying toddler!! yay!!
xoxoxoxox

Lisa said...

And just think, summer has only just begun ;)

Keri said...

Major kudos for your braving the storm and going back in...
I wish more mom's would teach their children that lesson.
Although i sheepishly admit Ava did squack a tiny thumb size soccer ball the other day out of Target, but in my defense i didn't see it till we got home 1/2 hour away.

Jane the Sane said...

Well, at least he didn't kill anyone while your back was turned. Did he? Did you ask him?

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

One of my very earliest memories (2-4 years old..)is of me outside of a little gas station. I had picked up a cigawr for some reason while inside. I'm sure I had no idea what a cigar was...(nobody smoked in my family.) but I must have thought it was interesting! Mama freaked! lolol

P.S. I am going to Shelby, Ohio on Saturday. I don't think that is close enough... lol

the mama bird diaries said...

Those days are crazy, right?

Always makes me happy that I have a fresh one the next day.

You handled your son perfectly. :)

Pink Lemonade Liz said...

Ohmyheavens!! You did the right thing... I can only imagine how you felt.

Flea said...

I'm laughing silently. My oldest did something similar when my youngest was a tiny infant. She went back and explained things and was mortified. She's always been a pack rat. You have my deepest sympathy.

Tiffany said...

I have been reading your blog for awhile and LOVE it. I had yet to comment, but this, this was priceless. I can only imagine the day that I am faced with this, and I think that I will always in the back of my mind remember reading about your experience and it will help me to refrain from saying things I might have otherwise! My husband is a pastor, so when I read it to him, he especially loved the whole sinner thing!

I am so glad that I found your site, because i absolutely love your sense of humor!

Good & Crazy said...

Oh, oh, oh. Are you serious? The joy of being the mama police.

This post is totally well written, you're awesome.

I just kirtsy'ed you

Kelley said...

Wow, you are super Classy babe. I don't know if I could have gone back the second time. Maybe at a later date but not again that day.

I bow to your awesomeness.. Do you want me to get Boo to write a letter to God for him? *snigger*

ConverseMomma said...

Do they really make m@m flavored chapstick? Have Jay steal me one next time. ;)

Jo said...

Terrific! Made my day!
HAHAH!

Dianna said...

Momma said there'd be days like this...and she wasn't kidding.

When I have days like that (and haven't we all?) I look back on them days later when things are crazy and think, "Holy cripe...I made it the other day, this is a piece of cake*!*"

Sometimes it helps, other times it makes me want to have a drink...

Dianna said...

Momma said there'd be days like this...and she wasn't kidding.

When I have days like that (and haven't we all?) I look back on them days later when things are crazy and think, "Holy cripe...I made it the other day, this is a piece of cake*!*"

Sometimes it helps, other times it makes me want to have a drink...

Kendra said...

Wow what a great day and now you can sit back and laugh at it. I hate going out with my three kiddos by myself....I admire you for being so brave! lol

lyndsey said...

Uh-oh! I had the same problem just today. Well, technically not exactly the same. I was the commandment breaker. I was just about to load my tired and fussy children into the car when I noticed the sun glasses I was going to purchase sitting on top of my stroller in the cup holder. Thankfully I was shopping with the friend and she watched my kids while I went back in to do the Walk of Shame. Sorry you had such a rough day.

Tena said...

Okay... I am off to take a nap, just reading your post wore me out, and I haven't even attemtped my To-Do List for the day... maybe a longer to do list for tomorrow in order to nap today?

renatamic said...

oh. my. word. my godson is a thief? i hate to say it, but that is YET another thing he got from me!!

i had the best stock of mini nailpolishes by age 6. once my polishcommunisteramamusia found out, it was the belt that helped to turn me around. that and a trip to carsons where my mother told the security guard to arrest me..that helped cure my itch to steal (and a reason i think to this day that my nails look like crap)!!!

great post. MWAH!!

Kristen said...

oh my goodness! What a morning you had!

Hope today is looking to be a much brighter day with lots of sun, sharing, and no commandments broken!

You are too funny OHmommy!

Tracey said...

And then your husband says, "So. What did YOu do today? Have a fun little morning?"

:) Hey. At least it made great blogging material. There's always a silver lining, babe.

insane mama said...

Summertime stinks, when you are at home with kids. I have 4 and I only have one week until they are out of school

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

OMG....first time on your blog....found you through Jodee's blog.....you are hysterical!

You have a beautiful family!

I will be back for the daily dose of Chaos!

Lisa

Tonya said...

OH. MY. GOODNESS. You poor girl. My first two are 18 months apart! I am sitting here flabbergasted. I guess next time you will ask him if there is anything in his pocket before you leave the store huh? I've had many stressful days with my crew too. Hang in there mama they have to 18 at some point :)

Laski said...

Dropping by to send you lots of positive vibes for tomorrow!!! Enjoy yourself!

Memaw's memories said...

What a day! I must say, I admire you for making him take the two items back. I would have probably waited until I had to come back again before returning them. But you most certainly did the right thing.

And remember, any mother who might say their child never took anything, just never knew about it.

momof3crazykids said...

Hope tomorrow goes well. Can't wait to hear about it.
Good Luck!

Rhea said...

I just read a comment about someone who stole a tadpole...and it died. That's horrible!! Can you imagine?

I stole gum once when I was little. I felt SOO guilty. Do all kids do it once? Is that the way we have to learn?

Rhea said...

I love Mama Bird Diaries' comment that the next day is always a fresh one. That's a nice thought to keep in mind...especially after a day like the one you had. :o)

loveyh said...

Oh goodness. My turn's not too far away now, I suppose.

I got caught stealing bulk candy from the grocery store when I was 5. Little tip: never conceal candy in the waistband of your new (three-sizes-too-big) denim skirt. It will fall.

Manager Mom said...

You handled that very well!!!

Jenni said...

Sorry I'm so late in catching up, but this is hilarious (in that-I'm glad it's you not I, way).

Good for you, though, in making a big deal out of it. My dad always says you will never regret doing the right thing.

Unfortunately, I imagine many parents would have just laughed it off.

 

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