Monday, December 15, 2008

This morning during breakfast I thought of bikinis...

The red Trader Joe's balloon bounced high above Lola's head as she ran around the kitchen table.

"Want this. Want this one." Fifi tried to keep up, her tears of frustration filling up her beautiful blue eyes.

Lola continued to run. "I had it first! This is mine!!!"

Exhausted from a sleepless night, I flipped the french toast over for the last time and yelled, "Just GIVE it to her. She's a baby!!!"

"But. It was mine. It is mine. I had it first."

"GIVE. IT. TO. HER."

I watched Lola hand over the red balloon and her eyes filled up with tears. Fifi happily skipped away. I stood in front of my daughters and realized that I just allowed something to happen that I vowed I would never do. I was becoming my mother.

And at that moment I was transported back in time to my Sophomore dorm room.

"Can Kash borrow your yellow bikini for her high school spring break trip?" My mother spoke over the phone.

"No, Mom. It's new."

"But you won't be wearing it anytime soon, it's March after all."

"No, Mom. It's new and she doesn't take care of things. Buy her something yourself."

"You should share. It's here taking up space. You are being stubborn."

"Mama. I paid for it all by myself. I don't want her to wear it." I defended myself knowing very well that I worked hard for my first designer swimsuit taking the city bus four miles in the darkness every other night to the restaurant I waitressed at during college.

"Are you jealous she's going to Cancun? You are always so jealous of her."

"Oh my gawd. Whatever. I don't want her to wear my swimsuit, but do what you feel is right."

"Bye."

"Yeah, bye."

That yellow polka-dot bikini that I worked long and hard for? I never saw again. When I returned home that summer, swimsuit-less, I vowed that I would never become my mother and promised myself to always respect the reasonable wishes of my eldest daughter.

That red Trader Joe's balloon that Lola had first? The Feenster managed to pop it minutes after breakfast which sent the kitten to the top of our Christmas tree.

62classy comments:

Red Lotus Mama said...

Well, it happens to the best of us. Intentions are hard when you are sleep deprived, busy with cooking and the kid(s) are freaking out over the simplest of things. At least you recognized your behavior and will be conscious of it next time! Next time get 2 balloons!

Domestic Extraordinaire said...

I totally understand this as well. I agree with Red Lotus, it happens to the best of us. Sometimes when Giggles is complaining about the Chicken who is going on and on about something I just wonder why Giggles doesn't see the simplest solution is just to share with her so she "shuts up" But alas that isn't the case. And we have had our fair share of "balloons popped" here as well.

HUGS!

the MomBabe said...

We can't make everyone happy all the time. Balloons will get you every time.

Melissa said...

Ouch! I have opened up my mouth and my mother has come out so many times I can hardly stand it!!

((hugs)) Sometimes we just do the best we can, mom.

Elisa said...

I'm ashamed to say I'm guilty of that too. I, like you, was afraid this would happen. I didn't have any siblings growing up, but I had lots of cousins. And a younger cousin who always got her way because she was a whiny, annoying thing.

I should know better. Thank you for reminding me!

Natalie said...

Awww, it won't scar her forever, I'm sure of it. I've done much worse as a parent, and I've had much worse done to me. We ARE only human, but that doesn't mean we are our mother's.
:)

It's too bad you didn't get a video of the kitten scaling the tree!

Jay @halftime lessons said...

That is SO weird...the EXACT same thing happened to my yellow polka dot bikini...strange...

J

ps- dont forget to get entered for our grand prize giveaway today...this one is for the big one...

Jay @ HalftimeLessons.com

♥spoiled mommy♥ said...

I wsa an only child so I didnt have to deal with that stuff.
But I too am VERY guilty of yelling at the kids...Oh just give it to her, just because I dont feel like hearing her while anymore!

Love the end...which sent the kitten to the top of the Christmas tree. hahahaaaaaaa!

Rhea said...

You know what, sometimes the kids have to learn things are unfair, so don't feel bad. Lula just learned an important lesson. poor thing.

And I wish I could see a picture of the kitten in the Christmas tree. That's hilarious. Was Todd able to get down by himself or did you have to send up reinforcement?

Rhea said...

BTW, how is Kash's malaria going? I hope she's feeling better.

Blessings From Above said...

Motherhood is sometimes a difficult balancing act. You want so bad to make things perfect for your children, but when ones' happiness hinges on the others disaapointment, there really is not a right answer.

BTW, I was sorry to read about your friends mom's passing. You have been in my thoughts and prayers.

Ashley said...

Good news is you had your revelation early over something silly - a balloon- and not an exp item...so, now you know! HUGS

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

At least you figured this out so early. And, next time you will, no doubt, choose differently, right?

Mr Lady said...

Gawd, I do that all the time with my boys and their sister. I tell myself it's different because they're older, but the truth is, I am just making her more of a princess.

Glad to know I'm not alone. And yeah, your sister best be getting you a new bikini for Christmas. :)

Vic said...

I'm so glad that, having only one, I don't have to deal with this sort of thing. I'd be useless at it.

Laura said...

I hate it when I hear my mother come out of my mouth...but it happens.

HUGS!

Kimmylyn said...

I too cannot stand when I sound like my Mom.. drives me crazy..but it def happens to each and every one of us..

Tara R. said...

I realized how much my son hated having to share with his older sister when we got him his OWN car (albeit one that needs lots of work) and did not make him take on his sisters old one. It works in reverse too. We are all guilty of 'caving,' makes us human.

Miss said...

I already do this when my son is with my cousin's kids. And they are brats who dont deserve anything. Not exactly the case with the Feenster but I know what you mean.

Janah @ So Not Mom-a-licious said...

I'm so sad for you about the bathing suit! I don't think I ever had to worry about that with my little sister.
But I do have to worry about not getting my things back from my sister-in-laws. And of course, now that I'n older, it's the big ticket items that I've done my research on and paid good money for! Ugh!

Jessica said...

I vowed to never use my mom's big phrase "sometimes sorry isn't good enough" ...and def. said it the other day....I was horrified as the words came out of my mouth. :)

Tracey said...

It does happen to all of us. The baby becomes "The Baby" because we teach them to whine and cry for what they want. I am currently raising a 3 year old TERROR of a "baby". And regretting every time I said "Just GIVE IT to her!"

Trying really hard to mend my ways...

Smart A$$ Mom said...

I just want to know how quickly a Yellow bikini lands at your doorstep after your mom and sister read this. My bet is you end up with two.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Okay, just this morning, as your "free ways to be classy" post is STILL haunting me (I have many pairs of scuffed shoes buy my heart is VERY classy), I thought to myself, "Does OHMommy have ANY thing about her that is less than fabulous???"

And now I've found it.

Girl, you are TOO HARD on yourself. Ballon does NOT equal Bikini!! If Lola had bought that balloon herself, and had saved for it for weeks and maybe months, then I would maybe say they are close. But a balloon???? And, a balloon is easily replacable. My guess is that your mom did not replace your bikini (as either she or your sister should have). And, YOU did not ask Lola if she was jealous of Fifi. I think that was pretty low (sorry OHGrandma.)

Now, maybe the issue is not giving someone something that's yours, but maybe 1) learning to take turns, and 2) treating others' toys with care, and 3) learning when we have a toy that we want to keep special, to not play with it in front of others. These are all really true life lessons that adults practice every day, and kids can learn too.

BTW, I have only learned these lessons the hard way. I have suffered through my own popped balloons, or stained dresses, or chewed-up toys, or demolished lego houses. We learn by doing. Now you have learned. You are now officially smarter.

(Hope that didn't all sound too preachy. I get like that sometimes.)

the planet of janet said...

i was going to say that we all find that our mother's voice comes out of our mouths at one time or another -- much to our horror.

but after reading texas mama's comment, i want to bundle her up and take her home with me.

she is actually very wise.

Rachel said...

I can't tell you how many times I have turned around to find in horror that my mother was not standing behind me and that those words/phrases/utterances had spewed forth from ME! GASP!

and um.. red balloon and hard earned/treasured yellow bikini.. NOT THE SAME!

The principle might be similar, but they are not the same thing.

Thank you for sharing this. It's amazing how much we can learn from each other. I am struggling with this same thing.

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

Oh, this happens in our house on a daily basis - I can't take the tears - the little lip quivers! But in baby's defense, the older ones do tease her quite a bit!

And I think someones sister owes them a new yellow bikini!

Noob Mommy said...

I'm so certain that will be me once we have our 2nd. And, I, as the dutiful eldest child, vowed I would never do the same. Sigh...what we endure as the older more responsible child huh?

mommynotes said...

I can totally relate. I never had siblings but I said I would never have favorites. I had a similar situation and I was making dinner and there was screaming and crying and "it's mine" so I gave in too.

It is hard as a mother. You never want to pick sides or just give in to have some peace not thinking of the other child. I have said the very words you have "you need to share, She's a baby."

I had a psychology professor once tell me it is not in the every day mistakes we make as parents that warps our children and makes them go into therapy. It is the ones we do over and over and over again. This one thing will not scar Lola for life and of course you probably bought her another balloon(party city gives free latex balloons away or at least ours does). It is if you continue on that pattern for all her life which I know you won't. You are conscious of the fact you know how it feels being that you have been in Lola's shoes. We are not perfect and you are a great mom.

I have to say I laughed at this story because this we me last week and the fact that your kitten ran to the top of the tree. All will be fine!

mwshores@bellsouth.net

Vikki said...

It is hard to be perfect all the time-I tell ya being tired will do it to you everytime!

Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

I find that I do that all the time to my 9 year old stepdaughter. Just make her give something up to the two year old to make the fighting stop. It sucks and its unfair and I know it sucks and I know its unfair but something tells me I will keep doing it even though I know its wrong. Who knew this parenting thing would be so hard?

LceeL said...

Obviously, the Greedy Gert lesson was lost on Lola.

I just had to say that. The whole sentence is so sweetly alliterative.

Don't worry about it, Kid. You did good. and the reason you sometimes sound 'like Mom' is because once in a while, 'Mom' was right.

Flea said...

:) Be grateful it was only a balloon which reminded you of the bikini, not something hard won by Lola. You're doing a fine job, OHmommy!

Mama Smurf said...

Oh Lord, I think I've become your mother too! LOL.

I'm off to go retrieve my son's beloved bear from his sister. I've created a monster.

Every Day Goddess said...

Oh I hate when that happens! At least you recognized it right away. Some of the best advice my mom gave me is "If you don't like how I do it than make sure you do it differently." It is so true, and I try to do like you and pay attention and change it when I see things I don't like.

Bogart in P Towne said...

Did you at least see the suit in pictures?

Jaina said...

I'm annoyed with your mom and your sister just reading that story. Haha, I'm crazy like that. At least you recognized that you did it and now you can not do it in the future.

Desiree Fawn said...

I think part of NOT becoming our mothers is recognizing it -- I think you'll be fine if you're catching the symptoms early ^_^

Shannon said...

I know, I know - but it is really hard to keep it all in perspective every minute of every day. I use that line a lot - and I hate that I do it. But it's TRUE sometimes - I mean "she's a baby" really is the case sometimes, KWIM? Anyway, I'm no help but know you're not alone - we ALL do it. Clearly, even your mom . . . but no bikini returned??? That's not right!!!

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we are our Mothers!! I am totally guilty of this...I guess it is only natural...I find myself stopping mid sentence because I know what I am about to say is not me....it is my MOTHER!!

Lisa

Kel said...

It's ok, sometimes in our lack of sleep induced exhaustion, we do things we thought we never would...we all do.
~K

3 Peanuts said...

Damn--it happens to all of us!

carrie said...

I've been guilty of this too - just give her what she wants so she stops driving everyone nuts.

At least you realized it - and it's doubtful that with the aftermath it provided, you'll ever let that happen again!

Krystyn said...

Oh, you poor mommy and sister. I can definitely believe you never saw it again. Did Kash every replace it?

I'm glad you recognized it...and I'm sure it will never happen again.

The 5 Bickies said...

I hate the mothering decisions I make on a daily basis.

the mama bird diaries said...

Oh yes. Sometimes I totally favor my little one because she is the baby. Thanks for this fabulous reminder.

Clare said...

love your story of the struggles of motherhood. i don't know what i would of done either, thanks for sharing:)

Tonya said...

never had a sister but have two girls almost 7 years apart. I don't want to become your mom either. Oh man thanks for the warning. And don't beat yourself up over the balloon just make sure the big decisions count like her clothes! Thanks for being so vulnerable.

meg said...

sooner or later we all turn into our mommas!

but - true story - i have a pencil tip in my leg from over 15 yrs ago when my sister wanted to wear my brand new shoes that I had yet to wear. I worked my butt off babysitting the cheapest family in our neighborhood (they paid 50c per kid and had 4 kids under the age of 4) to save up to buy these shoes ... and she wanted to wear them - We wrestled back and forth between our twin beds in our shared bedroom - when she threw (yes, threw) me over to the other bed where a pencil (from homework) was laying and just happened to stab my shin. I bring this up often and show off my battle wound just as frequently. She's younger and ALWAYS got her way. ALWAYS... but sisters are the best gift our moms can give us - it just takes us until we're older to appreciate them!

xo

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

Don't yourself up there! You recognise the mistake.. now MOVE ALONG and don't make it twice!

Have a great day!

katydidnot said...

yeah, i'm my mother too. we all are.

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

I think we all have those moments but the yellow bikini--she so owes you one ;)

Jill said...

Uh yeah... Guilty as charged.

Glad to know I'm not alone!

Kelly said...

It's funny how those little revelations hit us out of nowhere sometimes!

Kelly said...

Oh, and I forgot to say that I'm guilty of doing the same thing you did with the balloon. Sometimes you can't stand to hear the whining or bickering.

Robin said...

I think you kept your name in the running for "Mother of the Year" until December. That's pretty good, I am always out of the running by the end of January.

Hailey said...

Don't you just love being the oldest? The little one always gets everything!
:-)

PS- how do you say your sister's name? i read it somewhere on her or her blog and now i can't remember. i know it isn't "cash".

Lisa said...

I find myself doing things I said I'd never do sometimes too. It happens to the best of us. And in the end, we all learn a little something.

You should go buy a yellow polka dot bikini this year, and while you wear it you should sing the song. Dare you!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Oh man, I have been there. I LIVE there. It's so hard to strike a balance.

KASH said...

That is ONLY because a bee stung by boob in Mexico and I had to tear off that bikini top as I tried to get the bee off me while jumping in the pool and the top hatched onto something and a strap broke during the fall. Although I wasn't sad my bosom was swollen, it was awkward that it was only one. It is NOT my fault that drama finds me.

KASH said...

AND, how do you think I felt always having to borrow your stuff instead of getting new stuff? ;) It's all relative. :)

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

I just caught myself doing this the other day. "Could you not make him cry, please? Just give him the Lincoln Log gun you made." Wha?!? Did *I* say that?!?

 

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