Tuesday, June 16, 2009

And now, my Nikon has salmonella.

I left my children in front of the TV.

For good reasons. I was preparing four and a half pounds of ground meat for my stuffed cabbage. You see. Tomorrow I lose my kitchen to a remodel and I won't be able to sleep properly if my freezer isn't stocked with enough frozen meals to feed us through the insanity.

I was elbows deep in ground pork peering out the window lost in thought not paying attention to the kids when I heard.

"Let's order it. What does it say?"

"I can read it."

"Read it Jay! What does it say?"

"Grrrr...."

"What does it say? Let's order it!" Impatient Lola held onto the remote control.

Yes. That is dust on the TV console. And I just dusted yesterday. Konichiwa remodel!

"Grrrreat. Bbbbbiiig. Great Big...."

"Great Big, what Jay? Great Big what?"

"Great Big bbbbbbuuuu...."

And before the kid could proudly finish reading the Pay-Per-View title to his little sister out loud, I raced into the family room, hastily took a photo (because O.M.G the whole situation was hysterically disturbing) and turned it back to Wow Wow Wubbzy.

Wow.

The other titles weren't as classy, yo!


And now my camera has salmonella. And I know what's on the FRESH channel tonight.

Guess who's calling Direct TV tomorrow and adding some parental controls? Wow wow OHmommzy. Because, yes. I am a prude. And now my Nikon is tainted.

***

Did you see this? I am humbled to be included with so many amazing bloggers as one of the community keynote speakers at BlogHer 2009. The diet starts tomorrow, for real this time. Now pinch me.

66classy comments:

Stephanie said...

OMG! That is hilarious!!! Good thing Lola wasn't more persuasive, huh? I'm rolling over here!

Allison Says said...

Bahahaha! That is hilarious. I'm so glad you took a picture, too.

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Oh my hell. That is hilarious!!!

Lacey said...

Too funny!

Rachel said...

I LOVE that you took a picture of it ;-) I would have, too!!

Love it!
and once again... soooo excited for you! You're going to rock it and you're so deserving! xoxo

Amy said...

That is SO funny!!!!!

You'll do so great at BlogHer. Wish I could be there to cheer you on!

Melissa said...

all i can think of is #snort

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

koookyyyyy

moosh in indy. said...

Further proof that kids really don't need to know how to read.
Or the power of parental controls.
Whatever.
Heh.

amanda said...

reason 101 i'm glad we don't have dish anymore!! lol.

Tiaras & Tantrums said...

well that would have been expensive!

Naomi said...

HAAAAAA

That is freakin' abso-lu-freakin' hysterical!

Reminds me of an episode of "life in a hotel in Ohio before leaving for India" with those stupid xbox looking game controls ... middle kiddo ordered a movie ... one of "those" movies.

Laughing WITH you, OH Mommy!

Kirsten said...

The funniest thing I've read in a while. Hilarious.

Kimberly Kihega said...

LOL! Sounds like something my oldest would do.

Desiree Fawn said...

I am dreading this day!
Our PVR machine thing says all kinds of naughty titles -- ones that even make me cringe a little -- and I really hope I figure out how to hide them before Gretchen figures out words!

belle54304 said...

OMG!!!

Desiree Fawn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pamelaperez said...

omg that is so fuckin hilarious! good thing you captured that moment! your kids look so casual about to order some porn!

Jessica said...

I'm laughing out loud. Wow. Seriously? Did they sit down and say, "Alright, who has an idea for a title that's even more tacky that our actual show?!"

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

Just so you know....I love enchiladas. heehee

*jimaie.marie* said...

this is SERIOUSLY HYSTERICAL! LOL! And how much do i love that your first instinct was to grab your camera NOT the remote LOL! you are a TRUE BLUE BLOGGER OHmommy!! :D hahaha!!! yessss. love it.

Kari said...

That is awesome!

And congratulations on speaking at Blogher!

Marinka said...

Why can't they read "Boobs"?
;)

Chiloe said...

It's amazing how they can handle remote controls from a very young age, right? lol

Indy said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. SO funny! SO did you and the dentist watch it?

Tara R. said...

So proud of Jay and his new reading skills.

That really was hilarious! A true blogger to get a screen shot.

Ashlee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashlee said...

i started following you today! your blog had me rolling! I almost leaked coffee out of my nose {tmi?} ♥

Managed Chaos said...

I think your kids must be plotting together to give you hilarious new blog material, heh.

BTW, congrats on being selected for BlogHer...wish I was going so I could hear you read your post.

Karen said...

Bwahahahaha!!!! That's classic.

Lynette3boys said...

Hopefully they wouldn't have gotten any farther in the ordering processes had you not intervened.

I think you should win a blogging award for taking a picture of the screen. You're awesome!

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Too funny. My Nikon would have salmonella too. Congrats on the reading at BlogHer. That is awesome.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

That's hilarious! Parental controls - a good idea... Cable has come a long way. I remember back when I was a teenager babysitting my four year old cousin, I left the room for a minute while we were watching TV. The cable box was the old style one with a knob that slid back and forth through the channels. He liked to play with it. When I came back, he was watching a naked game show on the Playboy Channel. No reading aloud required - big b00bs were pretty obvious.

LceeL said...

Oh, OHmommy. But it seems a bit of role reversal, no? It was LOLA who was saying "Let's order it." Not Jay. Jay was just following orders. Obviously, early training as a 'male' is paying off.

Katie said...

That is TOO HILARIOUS!!!

Hailey said...

That is so funny!
How funny is "Bang my Enchilada"? What? Hahaha! I never heard a funnier porno name.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Ok this is too hilarious.

I am P said...

lol, good thing he is still perfecting his reading skills! funny pic!

The Daily Stroll said...

LOL! That is hilarious!!

Courtney said...

That is too much...glad you could right the situation before too many syllables were spoken!

Legallyblondemel said...

Boobs! Salmonella! Sounds like a Lifetime Movie, less Delta Burke and plus a few cute kiddos.

Congrats on BlogHer! I gather that this is an organization I need to know more about. I am behind, but wildly impressed nonetheless.

MommyTime said...

Hilarious! And, of course, terrifying. We have a setting on ours that we can do from home where we specify a four-digit code that has to be typed in to confirm an order before it will actually go through. Only my husband and I know the code. We were afraid of a button happy toddler accidentally ordering things, but now I see we also need to be worried about the Curious New Readers that we're cultivating...

April said...

OMG! That is hyserical...AND scary at how easy it would be for them to order that! Thank goodness you walked in when you did! (and I'm still giggling that you managed to get the picture first LOL)

Renny said...

Close call! I love that you snapped a picture of it. Something about the simple power of ordering something off the TV can be far to enticing I guess. So funny!

Blessings From Above said...

Hilarious! Great post!!!

By the way, congrats on being selected as a keynote speaker at BlogHer.

Chandra said...

Oh Classy Chaos for sure!! I'm jus teasin, sounds like something my little guys would do!

It's great that you have an image to remember the occasion!

Jaina said...

LOL, that is too much! At least they were getting along and working together?

the girls' moma said...

Yes, I saw that and I am so so excited. Because anyone who would take a picture of that and blog about it is a friend of mine. ;) See you there!

Lisa (the girls' moma)

Elaine A. said...

Just slather some Purell on your camera. That's freakin' hilarious... On the flip side, can't wait to see the new kitchen. Hope you took "before" pics! : )

shelbyisms. said...

WOW. First off, congratulations on thinking ahead and stocking the freezer. Second, I'm terribly sorry about your camera. I'm sure it has a nice healthy layer of grime. Last, I AM LAUGHINGGG.

But you know. Awful about the kids almost being exposed to such vulgar material. Good call on the parental controls.

Have a happy Tuesday.

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Your camera may have salmonella, but now my eyes have VD.

Congrats on the BlogHer thing!

McMommy said...

Now THIS is my kind of post!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!! Love it!!

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Kel said...

Oh my...that is funny! Well at least they will be well informed! :) hahahaha
~K

Loukia said...

Oh my GOD! That is hilarious, though!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

*snort* TOO funny! Good thing you made it in time.
Congrats on being a speaker at BlogHer!

Jill said...

Oh wow - that is awesome!

For once, I'm just thrilled I live in India where they not only don't have porn, but they edit every single movie on TV.

Well... I'm not REALLY thrilled I live there...

Amazing Greis said...

That's hilarious! Yeah, and you may need to disinfect the camera, for realz!

Congrats on the Keynote speaking gig. Can't wait til July!

Jennifer said...

I think you can fix your settings with your remote, try your menu.
I know we fixed ours that way without having to actually call them.

Jennifer said...

I think you can fix your settings with your remote, try your menu.
I know we fixed ours that way without having to actually call them.

Elisa said...

This is so hilarious! And kind of freaky :-)

Glad you got back on time!

And congrats on being picked as a Community Keynote speaker, that's fantastic!

Please tell me what diet you are doing... ;-)

anymommy said...

So funny. I can't believe you thought to take a picture. And congratulations!!! I am really looking forward to that event.

Heidi said...

This is all kinds of awesome! Great big boobs....love it.

KT said...

OH-snap!

Yo Mama Morris said...

So, Great Big Boobs 1 through 4 were so good they made #5? ;}

Hysterical!

Maureen said...

Oh. My. God. I am out of breath from laughing!!!!

Priceless. Simply. Freaking. Priceless.

 

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