Tuesday, June 09, 2009

GAH. I tried to make new friends.

I really really tried to get them to like me. Most people like me. I'm a lot of fun. Look... Boo-yah! Did you see *that* awesome move. See? I'm fun. So why don't they like me?

I made sure I was always showered and well moisturized with fancy but subtle lotions. I paid extra attention to my hair and flat ironed it to perfection. I tried my hardest to not wear the same neatly-put-together outfit twice. I scrubbed my daughter down with a diaper wipe before each class and made sure she was presentable. I. Laughed. At. Their. Jokes.

After ten months of mommy-and-me gym class I walked to my minivan, after the last class, and watched as the momtourage of new moms headed out for coffee. Again. I kinda-of had the feeling I would make no friends back in September but I stuck it out. For my third child's sake. She has only one (super awesome) friend, her dearest Wyatt. I wanted to fill our desperately boring mornings with lots of play dates like the older two had.


Were they able to identify that the pancake syrup in Fifi's hair was not pure maple syrup? But in fact the generic whateverwasonsale kind.

Did they notice the disposable diaper sagging in her pants peaking out revealed that she didn't wear fancy printed cloth diaper covers?

Or perhaps they walked past my minivan with the missing rooftop spoiler and peaked inside to see empty McDonald's bags, sippy cups spewed about and spongebob stickers on the window.

Did they catch onto the fact that she had not one single new item from the Gymboree and Janie and Jack seasonal line ups but instead wore Gymboree dresses circa 2004 paired with Janie and Jack bows circa 2005? Gawd forbid it was paired with Walmart sandals circa 2007 with Tinkerbell accents and not Aster t-straps. she really does have hand me down Asters just needs to wear two pairs of socks to fit into them.

Were they aware of the inner monologues going on in my head, "I am so going to tweet about you. Tweet. Tweeting away in my head." Could they tell that I was talking to myself writing *this* blog post? Heh.

Whatever it was that caused them not to befriend pure awesomeness me I hope they have a nice summer full of their secret new-mommy society coffee playdates. Filled with lots of first time bee stings. Because in the fall two-year-old preschool starts up and my Feenster will be the queen bee amidst all of their first born children.

More so, the icing on my cake, my third child has been very sporadically disciplined with NO PARENTING BOOKS/WEBSITES and has never had a time out. Boo-yah. See you at the pool girls! I'll be the one smothering generic sun tan lotion on my children wearing vintage couture swimsuits circa 2008 Target, feeding them hot dogs. And not the pure beef kind either.

95classy comments:

Managed Chaos said...

Damn hoity toit moms don't know what their missing. They can take their perfect little world and shove it. Bo Yah!

Meredith said...

I have so been there. When my oldest did playful parenting we got the looks weekly about why she was the only one in a $6 leotard from Target and not a fancy one from the dance boutique downstairs. I again got looks when I participated...what they couldn't jump on the trampoline with their babies it would muss their hair.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Forget them!!! You don't need their uppity behinds anyway. You have us! :)

So there!!!

Chickadee said...

I love this post :-)

Heather said...

I remember when we moved into our little suburbia here. We didn't own two cars and I walked everywhere I needed to in town or I would ride my bike. They gasped when I declared I don't need a car right now, it isn't economical for our family. When I didn't sign up my Giggles for $1500 JO volleyball last winter & encouraged her to try out for the basketball team instead. Who made the volleyball team again this year. My Giggles.

I am thankful for suburbia. I used to try to be the mom that other mom's wanted me to be. The kind who served the organic snacks at her house after school, the kind who tried to be older than she was because she was embarassed how much younger she was than the other moms. Then I realized its not worth it, their not worth it. I need to be true to myself and cherish those that are really my friends, and not the ones who play my friend when its convient for them.

Excellent post!

Anti-Supermom said...

This happens with me and my second, I can't even imagine what will go on with my (hypothetical) third baby.

Funny post, Pauline.

Don Mills Diva said...

I can't believe that!

Clearly they're idiots.

Jennifer said...

Vintage gymboree rules!

Karen MEG said...

It was the same for me at the Mommy and Me classes with the girl. We didn't make the cut without a cute Bugaboo/ Rockstar stroller, I guess.

Bah, they don't know what they're missing!

smallland said...

Your post made me laugh so hard. Not just because I've "been there". Mainly because of the realization that I was *that* judgey mom two years ago. When my first born was young I used to look at those other mums with their terrifyingly dirty and out-control kids and freak out. But now I have two. Now I have a toddler and a 7 month old. Now I walk in those shoes. I'm always running late, my kids are always snotty, and my stroller is full of old food and socks I've used as tissues. (OMG, my oldest actually asked for a sock to wipe her nose the other day!) And you know what? I am sooooo thankful for having learned this lesson.

3 Peanuts said...

Oh P---the feenster and you are welcome here for coffee/playdates ALL summer long:) And bring that cute Lola for HArry too:)

renee said...

Oh yeah, the "cool mommy" world is a hard world to get into. But I'm beginning to think that the cool mommies are probably like the popular chics in high school. Most of the time they're just pretending to have fun and the rest of the time their watching their backs because the cool people always talk behind peoples backs, right before they stab them. If you lived in Houston, I would TOTALLY be your friend!

Jenera said...

Ah, forget them. I have been scorned by many a mom out in public. I tried a few playgroups and play centers where the cool moms hang out. I just don't fit in. My kid is dressed in the cheapest stuff I can find, he usually has ketchup on his face (and on my shirt) and I don't dress all fancy. I've given up and stick with my own kind...when i can find them.

Desiree Fawn said...

Haha, once again you've made me giggle til I snort.
I'm super attractive like that :)

They're missing out!
I feel like this about other mom's sometimes -- I'm usually the YOUNG ONE that everyone thinks is insane for having a baby.
Sheesh.

rockanddrool said...

still there. still doing that.
bring your kids to my pool. we can eat hot dogs off the grill. and use all sorts of generic suntan lotion. and honey...my kid has 3rd generation hand me down swim suits! kinda.
xo

jen said...

ah well. i find the funniest part is knowing that they will realize it ... maybe not REALIZE it ... but they'll be there someday too.
we've got experience on our side.
i'm pretty sure that the grass is greener over here.

Julie B. said...

I think many of us can relate a little to this post. I have a regular group of mom's from Katie's first Little Gym class that became friends and we still have playdates, but they are dropping out while we're still there. I've tried to befriend some new moms, but they're all paired of and just nod at me as if to say, STOP interupting our coversations....

Cheryl (The Budge Bunch) said...

That was great, I thought I was reading about my life. Atleast you did bring your daughter. My poor fourth child will have no friends/playdates until she can make them herself in full day Kindergarten next year! I have learned my lesson and gave up!

angie said...

I wanna hug you and rub your head and tell you to forget them and come hang with me. I feed my kids from the floor of the minivan.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Damn Google - it was me saying that up there.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]

Tara R. said...

This is why you are the great mom that you are and your kids are not Stepford Children, but marvelous, unique, awesome kiddos.

Their loss - Boo-yah!

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

for real - you seem so personable and popular on the blog land!

I feel you though hon!

Try being the oldest momma with the youngest kids!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

They don't know what they're missing.
This is one of my favorite blog posts EVER! Your kids rule. Their kids drool.

Jill said...

You rock!! You don't need them.

Have I told you how much I adore you lately...

Mew Lindsey said...

I taught Gymboree classes for a year and know exactly what you are describing. Too many mamas are too busy trying to earn the "organic only",and "perfectly dressed and coiffed child" badges for their Brownie Vests- and in the process, missing out on the really great stuff... people like you! As the teacher, I would just smile politely and nod as they declared during circle time how their children will never eat at McDonalds or consume high fructose corn syrup- mentally noting that it was probably time for me to scrape some of those french fries and empty Capri Suns from the floor boards of my car...

Ashley said...

It's funny how where you live cloth diapers and organic this or that is associated with "uppity" folks.

Here, we try to afford that first stack of cloth diapers just to help our wallet for the rest of their infancy (so we dont have to buy more diapers...ever). And, we try to eat organic because it makes us feel better or because we grew it ourselves.

There, it's like a status thing. And, here? It's because it's all we can afford.

Scary Mommy said...

Why on earth would you want to be friends with those bitches?

I know for a fact that one is sleeping with the other's husband, one pukes up every meal in the toilet and one pops pills to maintain her perfect exterior. (Well, maybe I don't know it for a *fact*, but...)

Cathy said...

It took me I don't know how many mom and me music classes and then two years of preschool classes until I made a friend. Sure, I'd talk to the others, but we weren't friends. And I think they were judging me the whole time.

Gotfam said...

OMG this blog post made me like you even more than before (if that is possible). I am so in this situation. I have tried and tried to get more mommy friends. But they just don't seem to want me as their friend. And I am not the young PTA type...so that's out. What's up with moms in the suburbs?

Nan Patience said...

hmmm....

The 5 Bickies said...

Oh, they are so missing out!

Smart A$$ Mom said...

aww, to hell with 'em. When all your kids are in school you won't want to be tied down with moms still having babies anyhow.

LZ said...

Uggh. I feel your pain. It made me upset to read it as I feel the same about DD's preschool class moms. Not sure if it's that they all knew each first, or that they live and die by our town's mom's club, but in retrospect, I am totally cool not hanging with them. They'd bug me. These snots at your class would bug you, too.
Disclaimer: I still wish I was invited, though I sound like I'm suggesting I don't care. *sniffle*

Kari said...

I have the same problem at our library's story time. Some of the moms there are in a little clique bc they know each other outside of the library. I had a slight "in" with one when the other 3 moms didn't show up one morning!! Haha she seems nice. But all those kids are dressed in great clothes and Charlotte is dressed in hand me downs (from OTHER KIDS) or wal-mart finds. Since Audrey has come, I can't get there every week, though. I do wish we had another mommy group around here. I may just have to start one!!!

Chiloe said...

I think also that they are really missing out ... but I also think we all need break from kids to have adults talks, laugh, ... I also always find very hard to make friends among americans when I lived there . (I got invited to all kind of churches when I was going to Mc Donald's with my kids but I think they were more interested by my soul than by my personality ... lol )

I think I'm going to win your worlwide contest about the most hiddeous thing a cave man bought !!! ;-)

Kim said...

I am so glad I am not the only one that does the wipe bath trick.. :)

And Vintage Target is the only way I roll.. :)

HaB said...

Kind of reminds me of High School. I find I am on the outside looking in when it comes to the Inner Mommy circle, just like I was always on the outside looking in when I was in HS.

If it makes you feel any better, I only have one toddler - and Madaline is always the little girl with the knotted hair, the messy face, the hand me down dress and the dirty shoes. But, I know her cup is filled to the brim and over flowing with love and at the end of the day - that is all that really matters.

Crystal D said...

LOL you crack me up. Poor little Charlotte is wearing vintage Children's Place 2003 and 2005. But I usually top her off with something from the 2009 Tar-Jee line. :)
Once these big girls go to school in the fall I am looking forward to some quite time with Charlotte. I may do a playdate here and there, but I think I will avoid the organized things for a little while. We are going to do Mommy and Me with just us.

Legallyblondemel said...

Oh, boo on the mommy mafia. It's so disheartening that women get so judgy about things like that, but who wants to be friends with that type in the end anyways?

PS - I bet their shoe collection isn't nearly as impressive as yours.

Amy said...

Awesome post. It's just so tiring and sometimes I can't believe the energy they must put into just keeping it all up. Not to mention paying for it.

I did have one friend, who was my friend and liked me, who sent her kids to Mom's Day Out in expensive smocked stuff - even the boys. My boys would have ruined those clothes at a day care place! That stuff is church only for us. I'd have spent my life removing stains. And she needed to live in a certain zip code, drive a certain car, all that rot.

When you are friends with someone who is running that race, it really strengthens your resolve not to go there.

Kat said...

Urgh. I've felt like that a number of times too. Stinky hoity toities. ;)
My guess is that they were intimidated by your hot-mama-ness. :)

Lisa said...

you and I would be hanging together, I tell ya! You don't want to have coffee w/ them anyway - you'd rather have a $1 diet coke w/ the real cool moms at McDonald's!

Renny said...

Hah. Who needs them anyway? I love Target. I'm pretty sure that was the fanciest place my mom ever bought us clothes from growing up. Being the oldest girl, and having a mother who was the sixth child of seven and therefore hated hand me downs with a passion, I really didn't have too many hand me downs to deal with, but discount bargain clothes? Yes. Plus I wore boy clothes from second grade through fifth, they're cheaper.
I defy anyone to turn up their nose and me and my mother, I had a good life, sans fancy outfits. You're better off without those people.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

I so relate to this post. I have found it much harder to make friends/playdates for my second born than the first. They don't know what they are missing.

Flea said...

GOOD FOR YOU.

Blessings From Above said...

Those snobby new mommy's have no idea what a fabulous friend they are missing out on. They sound to uptight to be fun anyways!

ShredderFeeder said...

You should *TOTALLY* have this conversation with my wife, who has a hell of a time fitting in with the so-called 'normal' mommies...

Fuck em.

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Seriously I could have written this exact post after our ballet tech rehearsal last night SURROUNDED by my moms with the ONE princess and me with my older girls, a boy who did not want to be there and another boy who was trying to throw anything he could get his hands on. Oh and it was an insane day so I was in a wife beater shirt with NO earrings, lipstick or eye make up, flip flops and way too short shorts! And I won't even discuss what the kids were wearing but since the morning, they had been to 1. a birthday party 2. a kiddie book club 3. a pool party (and were on their way to track after this) so let's say they were not exactly coordinating!
I remember I finally got up and moved when one of the very done up moms mumbled 'ew, boys' when my younger son kicked her chair and found my 'old' friends. I think if I didn't find them I would have gone into a corner and cried.
And I will confess, I too pretended what I would tweet about them ;)

Courtney said...

Who cares what they think...we all know you are awesome.

Burgh Baby said...

I totally cower from the moms at dance. They may carry themselves as if the are All That, but they SUCK. I predict at least three of their kids will be warming a cell at the local jail in about 15 years. It's way more fun hiding in the corner enjoying the toddler dance show than it is bragging about all the money wasted on silly things.

Melissa said...

Oh boy, have I been there! Fear not, their loss not yours...had I been in your mommy and me group we could have been the black sheep together..BooYah!

Indy said...

You can always meet up on Fridays with your friends who don't care what you or Fifi is wearing! We meet every Friday during school at Panera and during the summer, we are meeting at area parks. Everyone is driving through to get their coffee (except me-tea) and meeting at a park. Watch FB for updates. Always an open invite to you and anyone else in our area. Seriously. We love you just the way you are.

Yo Mama Morris said...

Some mommies just looooooooooooove high school.

You should have ran after them, screaming, "Do you know who I am? I'm Classy C. I have 7,542 Twitter followers. I won "Positively Cleveland." I was on TV! And, I'm never having coffee with you even if you beg me! I HATE COFFEE."

You still won't make friends, but it would have made you feel better. :)

I am P said...

Arent you like WAY TOOO Busy with your cool self anyway!!

I hope you run into one of them and get to actually DECLINE an offer for a playdate! ha! BOO YAH!

Aunt Becky said...

Aw, I'd be your friend, generic hot dogs and all.

Amy (the Happy Mom!) said...

We will start a revolution of the uncool moms, and then they'll wish they could come party at McDonalds with us or ride in your filthy minivan. And MC Hammer will sing our themesong wherever we go ("Can't touch this! Bah-na-na-ana...")

Hailey said...

I would so be your best friend in real life.

Musings of a Housewife said...

Good night, I'm glad the moms around me aren't that way. ICK. You don't need that stress. Enjoy your summer!

Jessica said...

That's funny that you mentioned blogging because that's the first thing I thought about - 'They're worried she'll blog about them!'

Look out suckers, now you've asked for it! And, for the record, I think ohMommy, I mean, Pauline, would be quite the fun mom to hang out with! :)

anya said...

Let me just say I feel really fortunate to live where I live, and have friends that don't care one bit about how I dress or what kind of car I drive. Real friends like you for YOU.
Your kids will thank you one day for keeping them away from crap like that.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Maybe you overdid it on the fabulousness and they didn't realize what a disaster you are.

Seriously though - it probably had more to do with the first baby thing than anything else. I'm sure they could sense your boredom with the first time mom topics.

If you lived in my neighborhood and we were in a mommy and me group together - I would totally be your new friend. Apparently you have the best snacks.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

It wasn't meant to be.

That said, did you ever ask anyone out? Most women don't realize that almost EVERYONE wants more friends, and feels excluded. You simply have to be the one to say, "Hey, want to go to the park after this?" And keep at it.

Every Day Goddess said...

You are the best!! I am impressed that you kept going. I tend to talk myself out of things if I feel uncomfortable and my feelings get hurt. (Thats why all my friends are related to me, they can't ignore me that way, jk, lol!!)

To bad for those moms that they missed out on the chance to be friends with you and the Feenster, its their loss, not yours. Boo-Yah!

Tami

WhisperingWriter said...

I think you sound like the kind of Mom that I'd hang out with. I hate snotty Moms who freak out if you give your child JUICE.

My kids are in current Gymboree but only because I have a shopping problem.

coraljean said...

Oh man, this made me laugh. out. loud.

I would hang out with you Ohmommy.

The Daily Stroll said...

Great post!! They don't know what they are missing! You should fight fire with fire. Go up to them in the parking lot and ask them to lunch or for their info to invite them over to a playdate. I've found that a lot of times people that seem snooty are actually very shy. Generally they are nice people even if they do seem like they are trying too hard as a mommy with the coordinated outfits and an organic lifestyle. Just give them some time. It won't be long before they are feeding their kids french fries off the floorboard of their SUV while trying to steer and chow down a 99 cent cheeseburger at the same time! Not that I would know anything about that! :)

*jimaie.marie* said...

this post made me love you even more than I did before if that's possible. You are awesome and dangit, I would TOTALLY hang out with you if I was in ohio! DUH! ;)

Tara Smith said...

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

:)

Stephanie said...

I just put my oldest two in ballet and gymnastics. It's funny, but I haven't even thought much about befriending any of the other moms. *GASP* Am I one of THOSE moms like you're talking about? Only my social party is a party of one?

Rachel said...

:-) heh

we so need to live by each other.

Maggie May said...

I have SO been there.

Krystyn said...

Judging from the 71 comments, (and no time to read them) I'm going to assume that so many people agreed with you. Why can't we all find a place to meet and hang out.

I'm so sick of feeling out of place because I'm a working mommy and still trying to do fun stuff with my kids. And, people inviting me to do things during the day with their perfect kids when they know I work.

It is so hard to deal with that perfection!

Elaine A. said...

PUH-lease. Their mini-vans look the same way or worse. And I can guaran-damn-tee you if I was in that class with my kid, I'd be going out to coffee with you and NOT those snooty Moms. That's if you'd have me of course... ; )

Kari said...

Well...WE think you are awesome!

Al_Pal said...

Awww, geez. I loved the comment that you probably have a better shoe collection! ;P

Reminds me of the kate spade diaper bags thing the other week... ;p

Jessica said...

Forget them! You are way cooler - do they have the best blog in the world? No!

Plus think about how wonderfully creative and expressive your kids are, and how normaly, plain-jane those ladies children are. That's right....the Oh'Mommy clan kicks butt!

Jaina said...

You would think they would clamor to you to absorb all of your wisdom and fun. Their loss. They'll figure it out someday and be sorry they missed out on such a great friend.

The Puchmeyer Family said...

I have been reading (stalking) your blog for some time now and I can totally relate to this post. I am a full-time working mommy who lives in the burbs. I often laugh that women stare at me with my formula-fed baby (who probably is wearing her pjs) and my ketchup-stained toddler and then run away from our chaos. :) Kudos to you!

just jamie said...

Awww, I so want to be your friend. Because YOU? Are pure awesomeness. Yup.

Karin Katherine said...

You know, I feel the same way. I don't really know how to make friends with the Mommies. Its a bit too high school for me.

But just like high school I sometimes follow my grandma's advice and I try to talk to them first because, "they're just jealous or intimidated by you honey" and you know what? It works!

Loukia said...

You rock, mama. This was an AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME post... stupid ladies. Whatever, who needs friends like that anyway, right? I think you forgot to mention the most important thing here - they're just jealous of your awesomeness! :) Seriously! And also? I've been there, too. It's not fun!

Eve Grey said...

I would rather hang out with the biggest nerd in the room than those ladies you describe. snobby, self-important bores. ugh.

anymommy said...

I had exactly the same experience with Kindermusik. Hmmmm. Maybe it's kind of German-sounding kid programs?

Kidding - loved this.

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Um...I think I love you.

abdpbt said...

Dude, you actually tried to make friends. I just hang back and let my son do the talking, and then rush to the car. You're my hero.

ModernMom said...

The suburbs are just like high school. You have to sort through the the crappy cliques to find the real women...the ones with potential to be real friends. It's hard at first, but they are out there!

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Okay, if you figure out where the genuine mommies can find each other and talk, you MUST let us all know about it.

I mean, Real Housewives of New Jersey? How about Real Mothers of Ohio? Now THAT is a show I would watch!

I am so tired of hearing people talk about organic this and that, and when admitting that I don't really follow organic marketing, I am looked on with pity and told, "oh, well, maybe you don't really understand the importance of organic growing in the health of your family." Then they look at me like I am wearing a bib with some drool hanging out of my mouth.

the mama bird diaries said...

oh, i hate mean girls. we love you!

Zoeyjane said...

I would have LIVE tweeted it, sister. And given them individual nicknames, such as 'sausage khakis' and 'light ash blonde no. 17'.

Ed said...

Try it all as a man--see how many invites for lattes you get. People suck!

Oh, and I'm the one at the pool that forgets sunscreen altogether. Parent of the year.

Lindsay said...

Okay - seriously. I follow you as only a true blog-stalker would, but I just HAD to comment this time and THANK YOU for telling it how it REALLY IS. That was hilarious...in a very sad/true way. Your honesty is refreshing.

Tara Rison said...

Ha! You are a trip! I can so relate. We just moved to a new city and I would like to make some new friends, but not if it means I can't feel completely comfortable being myself.

Shellie said...

I don't even make it to the fancy classes, I let them bounce around home, have been known to have duct tape holding the window to my van, and am happy if my kids wear ANYTHING at all! I'd have so loved your awesome down to earth-ness if I were in that group!

Chelsea Lietz said...

Too funny! You have a great blog!

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

They are just intimidated by all of your awesomeness. They knew that they couldn't match the same levelof awesomeness you had going on so they didn't even bother! I bet you could find one of thier blogs that said they had wanted to be your friend so badly but just felt like you would shun them. right?

 

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