Tuesday, September 04, 2007

A bird, a mermaid, and a pooping baby

Why do these things happen to me? Seriously. Why?

It was a beautiful day today. I canceled our morning play date with dear friends since we had a sleepless night with three running noses. Which all ran at different hours throughout the night. We spent the ENTIRE day outside. It was great. After our kid's dinner, I ushered everyone outside again. It was that magically happy hour - that hour before Daddy comes home and we place everyone to sleep promptly at 7pm. (Note: when reading the words happy hour - substitute happy with bewitching) The kids were tired, from playing outside all day. The kids were dirty, from playing outside all day. In fact, they were in same swimsuits since lunch. I laid Fifi down on a blanket, in just her diaper. I shed her clothes earlier, after feeding her rice cereal. And I watched the kids build a human sized nest in the shade. Literally - they were building a nest. They were filthy, but it was so cute to watch.

Lola screams, "Shoe-shoe" and runs to our patio door. "Mama, I can't open it!" Okay, Lola just use your strong muscles. "Mama, I really have to go shoe-shoe (potty in Polish)." Okay, lola , ask your stronger bigger brother to help. Jay attempts to open it and can't. I get off of the comfy blanket, leave half dressed Fifi behind and attempt to open the door. TOTALLY LOCKED!!! And so are all the patio windows.

I place Fifi on my hip and tell the kids we have an adventure ahead of us. We need to check all the doors and windows around the house. We did, and all of them were TOTALLY LOCKED. Picture us .... half dressed Fifi on my hip with a running nose that just finished taking a huge kupa (Polish for poop) that went all the way up her back, barefoot snotty nose Jay with twigs in his hair from his human sized nest, and snotty nose Lola with green marker "tattoos" on her arms - in her orange swimsuit - sitting in the grass going shoe-shoe like a mermaid. I was not better off myself in a very old black T-shirt with a new burp stain, terry cloth capris that exposed my unshaven in three days legs, and also barefoot from the entire day with non-manicured toes.

Why do these things happen to me? Seriously. Why?

I look around my beautiful subdivision with it's perfectly manicured green lawns, the stately homes, and wonder. What am I to do? Seriously. Panic strikes in. I have no phone, no diaper, no shoes, and no bottle for Fifi who needs to eat any minute and the husband is still at work for another hour.

I take my bird, my mermaid, and my pooping baby - all barefoot - for a walk in our pristine development. I look around and try to pick a reasonable house, preferably someone with small kids that still might have a diaper laying around and might understand my situation. We ring the door bell at our Harvard educated neighbors. Their Harvard bound five year old answers the doorbell. He had his first day of kindergarten at his elite private school, dressed in a starched Polo and pleated plaid shorts, hair slicked to the side, and a welcoming smile across his perfectly clean and very handsome face (the only child). "Mom, it's our neighbors. Are you guys here for a play date?" No, no, we actually have a little bit of an emergency and just need to use your phone. His mom appears in the doorway - also perfect in every way. Hi, hi, we are locked out and I need to use your phone. "Come in, stay a while, call your husband and you guys can wait here and play. Are you hungry, I have dinner in the stove? I baked my own pizza on real whole wheat dough that has been rising all day long." No, no, really you don't understand. We are filthy. Incredibly filthy. We have been outside the entire day in the same clothes. I really just want to use your phone. "No, I insist. Come in and use the phone." Okay, but Fifi just pooped. Do you have a spare diaper? We are really filthy. LOLA GET OFF that white couch. I look around as our gracious neighbor searches for a spare diaper. Surely Junior has been out of diapers for three years - he is reading at the third grade level. She is gone awhile so I use the phone to call the husband and let him know that we are at the neighbors and they have all white furniture and we are filthy and completely locked out. LOLA - GET OFF that white couch. I hang up and Junior reads the third grade level "word of the day" HARVEST: it is when ... blah blah blah ... LOLA GET OFF that white couch. Jay manages to find absolutely all of Juniors weapons of mass destruction and begins a full out battle with him.

Why do these things happen to me? Seriously. Why?

LOLA, GET OFF that white couch. Jay, no more fighting on the white carpet.

We waited for the husband and I learned the word of the day, I learned that you too can teach your child to read in ten days, I learned that Fifi perfectly fits into blue size 5 pull-ups, I learned that it is very hard to find REAL whole wheat dough, I learned that as a mother of three small beautiful children I am only living to survive each day and make sure they live to see another day. I don't have the time to do so many great things with my children like teach them to read, introduce three foreign languages, bake real pizzas, and have perfectly manicured children. But I truly enjoy every minute of my kids being kids and imagining they are birds and need nests. I truly enjoy changing Fifi's diaper because I am so fortunate to have a baby of my own that has regular bowel movements and likes to eat a lot. I truly enjoy that Lola sometimes really thinks she is a mermaid and that she is able to remember our trip to Mexico where she fell head over heels in love with my sister - who taught her that mermaids can shoe-shoe in the ocean. I am so incredibly grateful for all three of them - my bird, my mermaid, and my pooping baby.

Dear gracious neighbors,

We are so incredibly gracious of your hospitality. And so fortunate to have you as friends. I will forever be thankful that you opened your home to us today. Many thanks, and many hugs.

Love, us.

Safe at home, after our adventure - notice Fifi's blue pull-up diaper:

0classy comments:


Blog Designed by: NW Designs

Original Header and Concept by: Judith Shakes