Thursday, January 17, 2008

God likes me fluffy.

God must like me a little fluffy. He must. Why else would I wake up the morning of my first workout day paralyzed? The first morning of my very first workout in years. I purchased cute and tiny running shorts in an assortment of colors. Very comfortable running socks that promise arch control. And splurged on a brand new treadmill.

Yes, the outfit came first. It always does. Years ago I decided that tennis was my game. At the first lesson, I was the only pupil pimped out from head to toe in professional tennis gear. I was so cute! My workouts are so much more productive when I am feeling cute. They are. I can burn some serious calories when dressed cute.


I woke up and was physically unable to sit up. I called for my husband who came to my side and lifted me up, as if I were an 80 year old woman.


“I can’t move my head. I don’t feel anything in my right arm.” I explain. “You have to cancel your first patient. You have to!”

“Um, what’s the matter?” Mr. OH asks me.

“Did you hear what I said? I. Can’t. Move. My. Head.” With every word said ,I feel sharp electric currents race up my right arm.

Mr. OH makes a couple of phone calls and cancels his first patient. He calls my chiroprator. Dresses all three children. Feeds all three children. Assembles them in the car and takes them to school.

I drive half way across Ohio, unable to turn my head, staring at the road feeling very dizzy. Dizzy from the pain. Each bump in the road sends more electric currents up my right arm. I am so dizzy and helpless. I arrive at the doctors office and after eight x-rays and an evaluation he sits me in his office and explains.

“You have an acutely swollen disk that is degenerating and causing your nerve to swell and pinch…… BLAH, Blah, blah…. Inflamed and swollen…. Blah, blah, blah… wedged and degenerating disk causes arthritic spurs…. Blah, blah, blah…. Tipping of the vertebra…” Dr. Hehurtsmewithhiscoldhands explains.

And all I could think about was my very cute and tiny running shorts on my bedroom floor.

“Stay away from heat. Ice is your friend. Blah, Blah, blah… I need you here twice a week for the Cox-Flexion Distraction manipulation.” He continues.

And all I could think about was my very cute and tiny running shorts on my bedroom floor.

God must like me a little fluffy. He must. Those shorts are still on my bedroom floor and will be for another two weeks.

I drove home feeling a bit better. Mr. OH had to go back to the office to start a root canal at noon; but, was curious to know what the doctor said about his degenerating wife.

“Oh. He said that my neck nerve is swollen and inflamed and with the proper cute running shorts and matching top the nerve should de-flame. And. And… the nerve could possibly stop degenerating with the proper diamond tennis bracelet.” I smile.

24classy comments:

Monica said...

OH Mommy. Of course it won't surprise you that I've struggled with the same thing recently. Where you wake up and can't sit up and can't lay down and can't take a deep breath because of the freaking PAIN. My hub never stops his day for me though. You're the lucky one. I'm sorry for you. I guarantee it's from lifting those heavy kids on one side of your body. That's what mine is from anyhow. Listen girlfriend, you just jump (or take an hour) to get into those adorable little running shorts and then curl up in bed and rest. Your cute self will be less fluffy in a few weeks.

Don Mills Diva said...

Oh I'm so sorry. Hope you feel better soon and BTW I also convinced that my the cuter I look, the more fat I burn!

girlymom said...

A tennis bracelet would make anything better!! Bummer about you neck, hopefully the twice a week help will actually so that...help! It's scary waking up and not being able to move. I had that once, it was a severe muscle spasm, they gave me lots of good drugs, I mean muscle relaxers and I boggled my way through the next few days. Good luck.

Kathryn said...

Ouch!!!!
That is horrible. But on the bright side, at least it didn't happen while you were on vacation, right?
Poor little running shorts, all alone on the floor. ;)

lattemommy said...

I thought I loved you before, but now I KNOW IT! The subtle diamond bracelet hint won me over!

BTW - every time I resolve to start exercising more, I immediately go out and buy a new outfit and shoes. Maybe after I'll actually go to the gym. Maybe not...

Holly said...

I love my chiropractor. Of course I'm married to him, but still...

Your chiropractor said that ice was your friend. Aren't diamonds sometimes referred to as ice? It works for me.

LunaNik said...

geez, sorry about your neck!! Wow, that REALLY sux. And don't worry, I think god likes women in general to be fluffy. ;)

andrea_frets said...

Yikes! That sounds painful. My sister has similar problems with her neck. We jokes it's because we have giant heads. I hope you feel better soon so you can get into your new workout clothes. And yes, shiny things always makes a person feel better!

Irene said...

You know, I would probably feel the same way! I love getting new workout clothes. Sometimes, just getting a cute new outfit can motivate me to get moving!

Take care and I am sure you will be up and "running" soon!

Stephanie said...

God likes you fluffy, he likes me pregnant. Don't you wonder occasionally at his sense of humor? I find moment when I believe it to be very dry! ;o)

Get to feeling better!

Amy said...

You are so funny.

I'm sorry about your back. That really SUCKS!

I hope you get better soon so you can use your treadmill and wear your very cute running gear (I agree that a workout is better when you feel great about your outfit). Just remember to take the tennis bracelet off when you run, diamonds hurt when they are banging against your wrist.

Thanks for your very sweet comment! I equally love your blog and writing.

Melissa said...

Ahh, diamond tennis bracelet, I'll have to remember that for next time. I hope your neck feels better soon!!

Rob said...

The only bad thing about Chiropractors is that they can’t give you muscle relaxers and vicoden! I mean seriously, it just takes all the fun right out of having debilitating injuries when you can't have muscle relaxers and vicoden! :)

Stella said...

you are too funny! the diamond tennis bracelet would make me feel good too! :)

I'm so sorry though that you have that pain! That's terrible!!

Amy said...

Oh yes, I second the muscle relaxers and Vicodin, and the tennis bracelet! Hope you feel better soon! You know I am "feeling" your pain!

WordyGirl said...

I hope that condition sounds a lot scarier than it is! Feel better soon :-)

Kimmylyn said...

Ouch. I hope your feeling better now and that you are now lounging on the couch!

Cecily R said...

You have SOLVED my problem! Why can't I get motivated to work out more? I don't have the right outfits!!

So sorry about your neck! Hope the tennis bracelet--er chiropractor helps. :)

Victoria said...

Eek. Hope you're feeling better. Yucko.

Caroline said...

Of course being cute burns more alories. Why, you're much more productive before the workout even begins! What with all the pacing back and forth in front of the mirror and spinning to see if the shorts make you look more or less fluffy... It's exhausting!

Rachel said...

LOL!! Bless your heart honey, ouch!
Hope you feel better soon. I am defluffing myself currently, feel your pain :-)

♥♥♥ A- Licious ♥♥♥ said...

oh wow - i so feel u on this one.

i woke up and my back was out - just out - no reason - i didn't do anything (unless i was "lifting/working out" in my sleep?!?!!)

and i too was all set to finally get back to working out....hum...I never thought of God actually liking me "thicker" than normal....hum....

the drugs they gave me were GREAT...yay! i felt like i could run a marathon on those things....yet i could not feel my feet or much else for that matter. LOL

as for cute work out clothes coming BEFORE even getting started with an actual workout plan....a def MUST.

i agree the cuter we are - the cuter we can loose a few. ;o)

GREAT POST!

Amy

suchsimplepleasures said...

you know...too much blogging...it causes pinched nerves...it happened to me! i woke up in the middle of the night, albeit...had no plans to work out, whatsoever!! but, woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't move, couldn't swallow water, and, for all practical purposes...was clinically dead! but, i went to the chiropractor for a few days...and, i'm back to blogging condition...with no intention of using my fancy gym membership. but, maybe i should follow suit...and buy myself some cute workout outfits...maybe, then i'd be more motivated to go to the gym, for socializing purposes...looking swanky in new outfits...
hope your back in working condition, in no time!!

suchsimplepleasures said...

p.s...if you get a tennis bracelet...be careful, they love to pull out the little microscopic hairs on your arms!!! ouch!

 

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